Changing friendships due to covid

[pipnchops]

Does anyone else feel like their friendships are changing due to covid? It's really sad but I have some friends like me who are being careful, social distancing, only meeting outside, wearing masks in enclosed places etc. I have others who are really in denial and determined this isn't going to inconvenience their lives.

I met up with one of my really good friends today and I was talking (admittedly having a bit of a rant) about how I didn't understand some of the government's rules and the contradictions, she then said she thinks I might be a bit autistic and that I'm taking it all way too seriously. She was very blasé about it all. She suggested meeting up again next week but I really don't want to as she made me feel rubbish and a bit hysterical.

Another group of friends I know through school are constantly having play dates at each others houses and nights in together. We're all in a what's app group together so I'm invited but I don't feel confortable meeting inside people's houses so I always decline, or lately I just don't respond at all. I feel like I want to leave the group chat as it's just not relevant to me. It's just so sad, I feel like I'm losing friends because we're just not on the same page about the severity of this. I wondered if anyone feels the same?

YANBU

Yes definitely.

We've been shielding (proper "got a letter shielding") and I know some of our friends think we are being very dull, boring and over cautious and are happy to tell us so.

But these are people who have been going to work in a supermarket, seeing friends frequently for bbqs and garden parties, go out every day, use shops and then have the gall to say to their hairdresser "oh, we're shielding". Their lack of empathy and understanding of our position has been very obvious.

It sticks in my craw, but it's sad. It's clear they now feel differently about us, and we feel differently about them.

Try not to fall out about this.

Our circle has reduced. Don't care. Will see others as and when and bear no grudges.

YANBU. I've seen a different side to quite a few friends since covid has been around, unfortunately not for the better. Really boils my blood with the "I'll be as normal as possible, do what I want, when I want" attitude and then have the cheek to moan about a 2nd wave or a local lockdown.

DP is very much in the 'it's a cold' camp.

I have horrendous health anxiety.

Seriously considering calling it a day over it all

@whataballbag that must be really tough feeling like this is driving a wedge between you and your DP. It seems such a shame to throw away otherwise good relationships /friendships over this. I just want to take a temporary step stay from people who make me feel so rubbish, like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But I'm not sure if that's possible without losing the friendship altogether.

Step away, not stay

Why don't you just be honest with them that you are going to take a break from the group as you want to take more precautions so can't join in with meet ups at the moment, but suggest you are happy to keep in touch over the phone or something. If they are real friends they'll understand and if they are not or judge you for this then it's better you find out sooner one way or another and then move on. You have to make your own decisions, neither is right or wrong.

Yep! More divisive than Brexit.

she thinks I might be a bit autistic

WTF? Did she mean a bit anxious?

It's brought out the extremes in people, some deny it and at the other end some are paranoid and obsessive.....hopefully most in the middle swith some balance and perspective

Yes definitely. I've certainly seen another side to people during this whole period. I've been surprised at the amount of entitled 'well the rules don't apply to me because I'm special' people that I didn't think were like that.

It's started again already today with the 'it's just ridiculous, I certainly won't be doing it, whose to tell me what I can and can't do.' Which quite frankly is just a completely selfish attitude and will make this go on longer for everybody.

It's certainly an interesting social experiment.

I've only changed friendships in that lockdown give me time to clear out the toxic draining ones out of my life.

Well I am barely speaking to my dad. He follows the Covid rules religiously (even when they are completely unreasonable) because he is terrified of dying ... and then he drinks three pints and gets in his car. I have no tolerance for stupid people anymore.

I've got rid of some who are just obsessed about it all.

No. I have friends in both camps. I’m kind & considerate to both view points. And I certainly won’t lose friends over it. I ask whoever I’m seeing in regards to distancing before we meet. People I see regularly, I obviously know. Most of my friends with kids aren’t with each other so much. We nearly always meet outdoors. Sit around a picnic blanket or table. Our kids play. But a couple in our group are pregnant & haven’t felt comfortable to meet in large groups and that’s totally fine. We’ve met one on one & distanced. I’ve got a very anxious pal who I’ve been checking in on each week & simply said when she’s ready to meet, we can do so however she feels comfortable. We had dinner at her house this week. It was lovely. We kept a good distance.
My less close friends, it’s their life. I’m not here to judge. We are all making risk assessments & frankly, I’m glad people got out & enjoyed summer. I know I did. I’m not gona lose friends. Life is too short. I was done with friendship drama in 2004. If a friend isn’t kind to me or doesn’t pick me up/make me feel good, I’m not interested!