Please tell me there is a rule I’m missing

[Globalpandemicmum]

I’m a parent of a 2 year old and a 3 month old so I am on maternity leave. My mum is married to my step dad and my husband’s parents are together, I don’t know any single adults. Can someone tell me if there is a rule I’m missing where I can get help with my children?!? (Or at least the toddler!)

@Chloemol

From the FAQ updated today on Gov.uk

2.7 Can I look after my grandchildren?
Yes. People in groups of up to 6 can meet indoors or outdoors, which enables you to spend time with your grandchildren. We recognise that grandparents and other relatives often provide informal childcare for young children, and this can be very important. Although you should try to maintain social distance from people you do not live with wherever possible, it may not always be practicable to do so when providing care to a young child or infant. If this is this case - and where young children may struggle to keep social distance – you should still limit close contact as much as possible, and take other precautions such as washing hands and clothes regularly.

If you have formed a support bubble with your grandchildren’s household, which is allowed if either you or they live in a ‘single adult household’, then there can be close contact and social distancing is not necessary

It does till say to maintain social distancing as much as possible. The rules are much harsher in local lockdown areas like Greater Manchester. No meeting at all ( even socially distanced) in home or garden. Grandparents or others can provide childcare but only socially distanced in a public outdoor space like a park!

I know we’re allowed to see both sets of grandparents alternatively. I just didn’t know they were allowed to help as I thought that you can only create a bubble with a single adult.

All I actually want is to go for dinner with my husband one evening.

@Bol87 I don’t blame you. I’d be more inclined to break the rules if I needed help to continue working. I think my reluctance is because mine is more of a want than a need.

I don’t know anyone whose parents aren’t still helping out with childcare as usual.

How have you been managing to get your 2 year old to socially distance from grandparents so far? In all honesty grandparents have not been socially distancing from my 3 year old and 6 month old and out of the mumsnet world I’m not the only person who has taken this approach:

All I actually want is to go for dinner with my husband one evening.

Get a grandparent to babysit and go. It will do you both the world of good I would imagine.

You can meet as a group of six but there has to be SD in place so if you need childcare it would have to be from a nursery or childminder as they are a business and have different rules
This is ridiculous though. So grandparents who stay at home and have no contact with anyone can’t look after their grandkids, but a childminder who has contact with dozens of other families can?! Obviously the grandparent is the safer option! OP in your shoes I’d just see your parents and get the help you need.

@PolarBearStrength

I don’t know anyone whose parents aren’t still helping out with childcare as usual.

Do you know anyone in Greater Manchester?

Why, if we lived in Greater Manchester we’d suddenly be able to magic up nursery places or the cash would we? Yes I do, one of my colleagues isn’t following all the rules to the letter and she is engaged to a police officer.

Since restrictions were lifted in July we've returned to the grandparents alternating each Wednesday for childcare (this has been in place since October when I returned to work) with DS going to nursery Mon, Tues and Thur.

Neither set of grandparents have any other children or grandchildren and none of them have an underlying health condition.

The flip-flopping with the government 'rules' is totally absurd and we will continue with these arrangements even though I'm now lost as to whether we are legally compliant or not.

The entire thing is a joke now. Hard fast lockdown in March to 'protect the NHS' from being overwhelmed, I could get on board with. Now it's becoming a horrible mission-creep.

@SweetHummingbird

Maybe not a popular opinion but if both parties are fine with it get the help you need

Agree

@Globalpandemicmum

I know we’re allowed to see both sets of grandparents alternatively. I just didn’t know they were allowed to help as I thought that you can only create a bubble with a single adult.

All I actually want is to go for dinner with my husband one evening.

Get them to come over after the kids are asleep. They will probably just sit in the living room and therefore be following social distancing anyway. On the off chance one of the kids wakes up, it comes under the "childcare" clause where social distancing doesnt hav to be followed if a child requires care.

@tappitytaptap

Why, if we lived in Greater Manchester we’d suddenly be able to magic up nursery places or the cash would we? Yes I do, one of my colleagues isn’t following all the rules to the letter and she is engaged to a police officer.

In most of Greater Manchester informal family childcare should only be provided socially distanced and in a park or other public space. In 2 authorities you can't even do this.While some may not keep to the rules, many people are. That is why I asked the poster who said she didn't know anyone who wasn't using grandparents for childcare. I know loads!

I'm in GM and my parents still do the school run for me. I would have to resign from my job if they didn't. I'd lose my home. Unless Boris closes all non essential businesses again I will have to carry on using my parents for childcare.

But many people are sticking to the rules here.

@EducatingArti

I agree but it also says it’s not always practicable to do spthis when looking after small children

And yes local lockdowns will change guidelines possibly

If you're a single person household you can form a support bubble.
As you're not a single person household, your husband gets to do his share of childcare.

Think lots of us would like to be able to go out for dinner, but we can't unless we take the kids with us.

For me, the change means I increase my risk of exposure to my current risk or I don't see anyone outside my family.

On mat leave with 3 young kids. Partner wfh at the moment. That means some lonely days ahead. We have tried to minimise contact, have only been doing click and collect, have limited ourselves a lot, but for me personally, it means no chance of meeting anyone in the week. I won't be able to meet with the people I know who have been risk averse as it brings us over six. I don't know anyone in the day who isn't working, unless they have young kids, I had no baby groups to go to in lockdown etc. Therefore the only people I know with babies are people with kids the same age as my DC who had babies in lockdown. To meet a mum and two kids and give me and the kids some reprieve during the week is now not possible. If you're a sahm or on mat leave with young kids, it's going to be hard.

To meet up with others on a weekend means splitting the family up and being exposed to more households than we would otherwise have been. It also doesn't make sense that people can now meet up with six different households - a measure that increases risk - why?
For PPs who have mentioned having to visit GPs separately etc, maybe two adults go off for a pint, maybe an adult and kid go to the playground etc and then swap...crazy as it again means you still all meet but with more exposure. Or, you meet separately, but increase the risk as it's now two visits instead of one. It's bizarre. On another note, two families meeting up is not typically going to get the govt money in the same way as Six people in a bar or restaurant is.

We can't have a couple over for dinner when kids are in bed. I guess to meet a couple with the new rules, we could get a babysitter (increases risk) and all go out for dinner or something (again increasing risk to the situation from what it is now).

The government was worried about schools going back, which is why this comes this week and not a couple of weeks earlier. The day after most schools went back (after an issue with testing and processing...), GP surgeries start emailing people saying Covid is on the rise.

@notanoctopus

This is where I guess you need to use your own autonomy.

Kids in bed, invite a couple of friends for tea

Seeing grandparents in two separate journeys to stick to 6 is ridiculous etc

@user1493413286 when I went to hospital to have the baby my mum had the toddler for the night. So obviously didn’t social distance but she isolated before hand and that was an absolute must. I let her cuddle the baby when we got home as I didn’t see it would further increase the risk of any of us catching it. Other than that one cuddle, no one has held the 3 month old so far. The toddler is pretty good and just stays back from the grandparents but we generally have only seen them for socially distanced picnics or walks in the woods.

@MustShowDH my husband does do his share of the childcare around his work hours, I don’t know what made you to think that was in question. I hope I’m reading the tone of your response wrong, but to clarify I’m not claiming to be special, I was just asking if there was a rule I’m missing. I seem to be the only person, including celebrities who hasn’t left the kids with their grandparents.

@notanoctopus couldn’t agree more about SAHM and those on maternity leave having long lonely days ahead. Especially now winter is coming. I genuinely don’t know what I’m going to do to keep the toddler entertained.

Have I missed something? Are you medically vulnerable to corona?

These kind of conundrums are why most people should be left to take these decisions themselves. The vast majority of us don’t want to get ill or to pass anything on to family members and agonise over decisions that will make no difference at all to the rate of infection in the country. From the press conference it seems that these measures are aimed to stop groups of young people gathering together in large numbers but are inadvertently catching families because they can’t say that a law only applies to a certain demographic.
You can now have six people from different households meeting inside but a family of five can’t meet their grandparents in a park. How does that make sense?
I have looked after my grandchild throughout the pandemic. His parents are key workers and there was no other option available early on. Now his nursery is back open he goes there two days a week and to me three days. Which of these has the higher infection risk? You can’t social distance from a baby, it is cruel and mixing with others is good for his immune system and socialisation. You have to balance all the benefits and risks not just the covid ones. The first police force that fines a parent for taking the children to see their grandparents will cause a massive outcry. I just can’t see it happening.

@OverTheRainbow88 no, why?

You sound very anxious about corona, I can’t imagine getting to 3 months and no one having held my baby or my Toddler knowing to socially distance from grandparents.

OverTheRainbow88 I think people are just trying to follow the rules because we should. Doesn't mean we're anxious necessarily.

With small children (I have 2) it's hard to social distance. If grandparents are doing childcare they just need to be careful but can't always distance, just like it says in the government guidance in a previous post.