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Covid

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Original poster

School friend deliberately hugging

24 replies

Toothsil · 07/09/2020 23:44

DD is 10, and is well aware of social distancing etc, and understands she can't hug her friends at the moment. Coming home from school today, one of her friends started walking with us and she said they're not allowed to hug in school but she doesn't care, she won't be told what she can and can't do - and threw her arms around DD, who told her not to and pulled away. Then a minute later she started pawing at DD's face, rubbing her hands over her cheeks and close to her nose and mouth!! Again DD said to stop it and pulled away from her, and at that point I said something, I can't remember exactly what but told her not to do it. She said that she hugs her brothers and sister all the time and none of them have covid 🙄 Can anyone suggest how we might deal with this if it happens again tomorrow? I'm not keen on this particular friend at the best of times and DD isn't especially friendly with her. She's very loud and in your face, and not the kind of kid to be told what to do....I just really didn't like her with her hands all over DD's face when we've spent the last 6 months telling her not to touch her face! And to top it off, we came home to an email saying a parent has tested positive and the family is now in self isolation.

OP posts:

Auto · 07/09/2020 23:50

I would inform the school. The risk of catching/spreading COVID is an important concern. Your child's right to say no to unwanted touching is very important also.

Comefromaway · 07/09/2020 23:51

I’ve always taught my kids even before Covid that they have consent over their own bodies and the right to say no to being hugged or kissed by anyone, even me as their mum, if they don’t want it.

I would certainly talk to the school about this invasion of personal privacy and tell the child that she must not come near your dd. It sounds a bit heavy handed with a 10 year old but she is over the age of criminal responsibility and no should mean no. I wouldn’t go to the police or anything unless things get really bad, but would ask the school to address it with her parents

WaltzfortheMars · 07/09/2020 23:51

Wow that's difficult . Just be firm and try not to react, maybe? I think she will do it more if your dd react to her. And if she isn't your dd's good friend, don't walk with her and ignore her.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/09/2020 23:53

Tell the school

Treesofwood · 08/09/2020 00:01

Comefromaway Are you having a laugh? Criminal responsibility? Is, this along the killing granny lines. I expect a 10 year old, who has been breathing in the same room as 29 other 10 year olds for 6 hours is fully aware that this is far higher risk than a hug, outside, in the street.

Treesofwood · 08/09/2020 00:02

Although I do agree qithvyourxpoinyvon bodily autonomy, but not for those reasons.

Treesofwood · 08/09/2020 00:03

With your point on

Comefromaway · 08/09/2020 00:06

It’s not Just about Covid. It might seem overkill for a 10 year old but in just a year or two what they are doing could be been as assault. If not stopped now it could be serious. The threat of it being taken further should be enough but if someone, even if a child, continues in unwanted touch then it is serious.

No means no.

Comefromaway · 08/09/2020 00:08

My child was a hugger. He is autistic and found it difficult to understand. But in primary school around that age he was taught that hugging teachers and friends who didn’t want it was wrong and if he carried on he would be in serious trouble.

JKRowlingIsMyQueen · 08/09/2020 00:21

You sound fun.

JKRowlingIsMyQueen · 08/09/2020 00:29

@Comefromaway

The little girl who hugged op's daughter could be autistic too. Autism in girls often goes unnoticed. But noo, let's report a little girl to the school FOR HUGGING. I honestly can't believe this is the world we are living in now.

rorosemary · 08/09/2020 01:07

Or maybe because the school can then explain something to the kids about consent? Which is pretty important and very undersrandable for children with or without autism at that age.

Nikori · 08/09/2020 01:20

Even if children have disabilities, it’s still important to teach them right and wrong. I would say this is probably coming from the parents. In the future, the OP needs to be firmer with her. Give her a firm no and pull her away, then leave.

Original poster

Toothsil · 08/09/2020 03:09

Thanks everyone, I did wonder about mentioning it to the school, just to get them even to have a general chat about how it's passed on etc.

My daughter is usually a hugger and I would never normally have an issue with her hugging her friends - if it had been a mutual, very quick hug I wouldn't even had had an issue, but it was the fact that the friend did it in a "I'm not going to be told what to do" way, when DD really didn't want it, and the bit that really bothered me was her wiping her hands all over DD's face, that made DD really uncomfortable and I can see why, I'd have hated that!

@JKRowlingIsMyQueen - I'm not sure why you said "you sound fun" - there's a difference between a hug between friends, and what happened yesterday. DD may not be good friends with this girl but she knows her pretty well and has always been nice to her despite her constant jibes about DD not being allowed TikTok and various other things. I have no intention of actually naming her to the school, just saying a friend, so I'm not "reporting a little girl to the school for hugging". And as I said before, it wasn't even so much the hug, it was the putting her hands all over DD's face that really got me, along with her attitude of "I'm doing it because we're not in school any more".

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 08/09/2020 03:12

School will want to know about this, not do there can be a punishment but so they can talk about respecting other people’s right to say no to being touched.

Original poster

Toothsil · 08/09/2020 03:15

Also, if it had been the friend just really wanting to hug DD, and saying she was sneaking one in now they are out of school, I wouldn't have had so much of an issue, her whole attitude over it wasn't nice. She was on a big rant about not caring about social distancing and people telling her what to do, and it was more proving a point than actually just a little girl wanting a hug. I'm not completely cold and heartless, or any kind of a snowflake, I just think that under the circumstances, the way it was done and the fact DD was so uncomfortable, combined with the fact that it IS spread with close contact, especially touching around the nose and mouth, it needs to be addressed.

OP posts:

Original poster

Toothsil · 08/09/2020 03:17

@PurpleDaisies exactly, thank you. The email we had about the positive case said we all need to remain vigilant and that they're working hard in school to keep them safe and that we need to continue it out of school.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 08/09/2020 03:17

That is a very odd rant for a ten year old.

PurpleDaisies · 08/09/2020 03:26

[quote Toothsil]@PurpleDaisies exactly, thank you. The email we had about the positive case said we all need to remain vigilant and that they're working hard in school to keep them safe and that we need to continue it out of school.[/quote]
I didn’t really mean in relation to covid. This is something they’ll want to address generally.

Obviously it’s important now with social distancing but children should have control over who can touch them (with obvious exceptions when necessary for their safety etc). They don’t have to accept hugs from their friends and friends need to know no means no.

famousforwrongreason · 08/09/2020 03:30

That is really odd behaviour for an nt child of that age. I'd say that this child either has sen or some sort of emotional issue. Poor thing. That's really strange. Maybe the hugging bit but not the rest of. It, especially in front of a parent. Kids just don't behave like that.

justilou1 · 08/09/2020 03:59

I would say that the kid is parroting what she hears from her parents at home. I bet they’re “They can’t tell me what to do” kinds of people as well. I would insist on not walking with that kid anymore, or insisting that she repeatedly sanitise her hands on the way home so that she doesn’t want to walk home with you lot.

HermioneMakepeace · 08/09/2020 04:07

That is a very odd rant for a ten year old.

Well she clearly didn't come up with it all by herself. Maybe her parents?

Either way OP, I would feel the same as you, for many reasons. Not least because we are in the midst of a bloody PANDEMIC.

Reastie · 08/09/2020 06:15

At dds school at pick up it was the parents that were hugging each other on the first day back 😳

WaltzfortheMars · 08/09/2020 07:12

I have got same impression as justilou1. She may be hearing the same from her parents. It just sound so odd for 10 years old to say that.

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