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Dating and restrictions

9 replies

Claire926 · 27/08/2020 17:48

I have been meeting up with my friend for walks and it is clear there is a romantic connection there. We have been maintaining social distancing and hand washing etc. The thing is he is extremely anxious about the virus and said he will only feel at peace once a vaccine is ready.

Whilst I respect he has anxiety I don't really want to be hanging out with a man who is waiting for the unknown. The vaccine could take months or years to come out and I can't put my life on hold. If I was to start a romantic connection with a man I would stick to the support bubble. I don't know what his problem is as I am sensible and not really meeting anyone else. I only saw some friends the other day for walk for the first time in 6 months.

I just find the whole dating scene disheartening and usually you would flirt by touching their arm etc. I don't touch him as I'm concerned he is anxious but then how can you make it clear you are interested as it comes across as friendship without the physical contact.

OP posts:
Uptheshard · 27/08/2020 17:52

I started dating the week before lockdown. Liked him alot. Kissed..touching...we both got tested then started sleeping together after about 6 weeks. He quickly became my bubble person...
If you fancy him...you cant wait forever! I was just too sure.

ilikebooksandplants · 28/08/2020 18:51

Dump him. They might never find a vaccine.

SimoneAlone · 28/08/2020 19:04

It may very well take years to find a vaccine. It may never happen. Is there any particular reason he's so anxious? An underlying health condition, perhaps?

Claire926 · 28/08/2020 22:15

Thanks for your replies. I just feel it unfair if he expects me to wait for him and put my life on hold. He even said at the start of the pandemic and still says now he is really worried as he sees his parents who are in their late 60s/early 70s and his gran who is 98. He says he doesn't want to pass anything on. I think he has an anxious nature as I have got to know him.

Yet soon he is to start a secondary school teacher training where he will be coming into contact with lots of teenagers and staff. I don't see how working in a school will exempt him from catching anything. I feel a bit insulted really as I don't go anywhere and am really very hygienic and look after my health. I know people can be asymptomatic but working in a secondary school he will still have to see his parents and gran.

OP posts:
MRex · 28/08/2020 23:10

He isn't that interested, or he would be working out ways to touch you and make this work, not reasons not to. He also isn't that anxious if he thinks school is fine, but one person is not. It isn't worth the effort of trying to figure out what game he is playing, nor why, the answers aren't likely to be good for you. Better to just move on.

Treesofwood · 29/08/2020 11:15

Whole body condoms might be the way to go in the future.

FluffyKittensinabasket · 29/08/2020 11:49

I couldn’t be with anybody like that. Confused

Claire926 · 02/09/2020 11:26

Thank you for all of your replies.

I have decided to move on and leave this risk averse man to it.

A few weeks ago he suggested we car share to where we were going for a walk. He said to wear masks in the car and open the windows as it would only be a few minutes. I'm surprised he suggested it but went along with it.

Then last week he said we should go for a walk again and his text messages were hard to decode and I asked him what he was getting at which he said unless I wanted to walk miles to the meeting point where we were walking and that car sharing is not 1m+. I realised then and said I would meet him there and am happy to respect social distancing. I'm not sure why he couldn't just be direct. When I got to the meeting point he said he would have drove us had he known it would be difficult for us to both find the car park to meet at. So backtracking on what he said.

On the walk there were a few ledges which at times he said I could hold his hand to climb up. I declined and at one point I said no that I might have germs, I was frustrated at all this mixed messages about keeping away etc.

He said the night before he had to meet someone at the pub. I realised it was a woman as when people don't say what sex the person it is usually the opposite sex. I don't have a problem with him having female friends and we are not dating so I don't see why he was being secretive. He later said his nephew came with him and this woman who is an old school friend for a drink and catch up. He has mentioned her before but does not speak positively of her.

I was a bit surprised as he said he wanted to stay away from pubs due to the virus risk so we have not been to a pub for a drink. I just find it strange how this woman and all of the people in the pub don't have the virus as he claims and the air is clean and yet he gives me mixed messages about distancing etc. He is willing to take a risk for her but not me.

I have decided to let go as he is emotionally unavailable to be reasonable. I don't appreciate someone treating me as though I have a contagious virus. I know I don't know if I am carrier but I always distance, wear a mask in shops, wash my hands, stay away from large groups, have only recently started friends and I eat healthily and exercise.

He will have some more free time now to spend as much time as he likes with this female school friend and anyone else he claims he does not have the virus. Not a great way to try start a romantic relationship by making them feel inadequate.

OP posts:
MRex · 02/09/2020 15:01

Good decision.

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