Long story short I'm not going back to my job in November. I wanted to go back part time, not because I like my job but for some headspace and keeping myself employed. My inlaws would do childcare as wouldnt be worth paying nursery on my salary and we see inlaws loads so don't want to risk covid at nursery. Work can't be flexible AT ALL and are struggling with keeping people so wouldn't grant me any changes at all to my old role. They even said they expect me to resign. :( So I have.
I feel OK and relief in some ways as still breastfeeding and my baby isn't used to being without me at all. Dh earned around 4x what I used to earn so doesn't effect us this way. He will pay into a pension pot for me.
However I have started to feel really down. All my nct friends are going back to work. I haven't made any other mum friends as groups all stopped with lockdown.
I don't know what on earth I'm going to do with myself and DS for the next year except go to the inlaws for lunch and play in their garden? And the weather is turning! No baby groups are open near us and inlaws are pretty strict about us doing anything anyway as they are so anxious and pretty much shielding.
I was going to start looking for some other work but I would need something WFH, only a few days a week ideally. It's so hard to have the time and energy to find something and this is the worst time to apply for a job when everything will have hundreds of applicants.
I'm also worried that once nct friends start returning to work and commuting I will have to stop seeing them as much too, as the weather will be too awful to meet outside and they will be higher risk.
I also don't know how I feel about being a sahm. When I talk to my family and friends who live further away, I feel positive about it and the exciting opportunity it will bring. I'm hoping I can continue to keep my identity and find some interesting work in time. I just feel like it's not respected and people on here are probably going to tell me all this awful stuff about how I'm being a bad mum if I'm not working :( is it better if I call it a 'career break instead? I know I shouldn't care what people think, but I'm worried others (including nct friends) will look down on me.
I feel caught between a rock and a hard place that!
Anyone else?