Losing friends over SD or not

[hopefulhalf]

Just wondered if we are alone in this ? I work as a HCP so perhaps on the cautious side. I have to wear a mask and SD for all interactions with colleagues,

It can be tricky sometimes. I am finding it a bit odd with family who seem to feel i am over cautious (despite them being elderly) seem to get offended but am only thinking of their health.

Do you want friends who are happy to be reckless and ignore the rules?

It's so tricky op as these people tend to feel offended and almost like you're saying something about them for not being like you.

You have a valid reason although hey the pandemic alone should be reason enough-- to be SD so you can just be polite and honest about what you can do and suggest alternatives. I think this shows who the real friends are!

Also it'll change again in time.

What are friends doing that you can't tolerate, OP?

Sorry half wrote OP then somehow thread started. Friends wanting to meet with no SD, more than 2 house holds, not wearing masks in public spaces (cinema). I just find it all terribly stressful (am wondering if I need to seek help with this). I can't relax if people I'm with aren't socially distancing e.g. keep touching me or the kids or are taking their masks off. I am now at the point where I am thinking of just turning invitations down as I don't want to give them the 3rd degree either before meeting up or "policing" them when we are together. I can't see how these friendships will surrive this.

Yes, I have dropped friends who are obsessive about 'Da Roolz'
Luckily there are plenty of people who are not paranoid about the scary virus coming and killing them so I can avoid the hysterics - easy cut won't miss them.

That's nice @lifeafter50.

Some people have such a selfish attitude. Da Roolz are in place for a reason, and I wish more would respect that.
We follow them to protect our clinically vulnerable child, and others who are a high risk.
Don't much fancy catching it myself either.

@lifeafter50

Yes, I have dropped friends who are obsessive about 'Da Roolz' Luckily there are plenty of people who are not paranoid about the scary virus coming and killing them so I can avoid the hysterics - easy cut won't miss them.

I've dropped friends with your views. Not necessarily because of not following the rules, but because that kind of superior sneery attitude reveals a level of arrogance and stupidity I find intolerable.

Ok but if I were to catch it because I was breaking da roolz then had to take time off to isolate and kids miss school for 2 weeks, nevermind anything else (cardiac complications, infecting my patients or god forbid MIL who we are bubbled with) I would feel terrible. If I catch it anyway then so be it, but at least I'll know I have done my best.

I don't think it will end friendships. I have friends doing SD and being overly cautious, not going inside public spaces etc... and others who don't give a shit. I am an in between I would say but my friends who are not being careful at all are respectful of me following the rules.

I have friends on both end of the scale and everyone seems to crack on with things just fine, respecting others doing what they feel is right for them.

Local Facebook page is full of arguments all the time but I guess people hide behind their keyboards.

I don’t think it will instantly break friendships across the board, but friendships will definitely drift. People are learning a lot about other’s character or lack there of.

But if someone is not SD and the other wants to then how are they respecting other's views ?

OoP if they are real friends, they will respect you and your views.

If not, then that's a good way of finding out and deciding on what to do.

Why would you need to loose friends? I don't paticularly Social distance with some people for my own reasons however I'm completly respectful of those are and those who are vunerable to the virus. Just don't meet up with people who are making you uncomfortable at the moment but still keep in contact and be friends from a distance for a while.

If they are otherwise good friends why would you want to loose them. Some people do need the physical contact of a few to get through this.

I have friends on both sides of the spectrum, I go with their views and whatever makes them comfortable and they do the same for me! I've got some that are very gung ho so we do as we are allowed I also have some that are very afraid so with them I do everything I can to help them get through any situation I'm with them for, perhaps I'm just lucky with my friends?! Xx

I've not lost friends but I've certainly seen them in a different light. One particular friend who's husband should've been shielding spent a week away at the sea side who basically called me stupid for following the rules, however with a husband with cancer ( now clear thankfully ) and a vulnerable family member who needs 24/7 care I'll follow the rules to try and protect my family and if that means losing friends then so be it.

I'm not overly bothered about distancing - although I can't see the need for touching and if this means the end of social kissing, that's great - but most of my friends are on the same page. Those who aren't are doing their own thing, either staying in or timidly venturing out; no doubt they'll emerge eventually and they're not being ostracised, but life is going on without them. Although none of us works for the NHS; if your job puts you at risk, I'd be more than happy for you to keep your distance from me!
I can't understand why people need total approbation from others. Like @wishfulthinking1977 most of us seem able to agree to differ and distance more or less strictly depending on temperament/circumstances.

They’re not real friends if they don’t respect you’re views. We are being careful and sticking to the rules, all our friends regardless of their own views respect that and when they see us they stick to the rules because they are actually decent people.

I hope those who decide to break the 'roolz' won't be rushing to the NHS wanting help whenever they and a lot of their contacts are in need of medical care because they are unwell as a result !
I've got rid of a lot of friends like you as well because quite frankly if someone isn't willing to take care to minimize the risk to the more vunerable in society then they are extremely selfish and thats not someone who i would want to be friends with

@gallbladderpain

I hope those who decide to break the 'roolz' won't be rushing to the NHS wanting help whenever they and a lot of their contacts are in need of medical care because they are unwell as a result ! I've got rid of a lot of friends like you as well because quite frankly if someone isn't willing to take care to minimize the risk to the more vunerable in society then they are extremely selfish and thats not someone who i would want to be friends with

Ah whilst I don't condone people taking the piss with the rules, I really thought we were beyond the days of "well they shouldn't get NHS treatment"

Just decline invitations. Lots of people are keeping themselves apart. You don't have to decide whether to bin the friendship (yet).