Hi,
I've never posted on here before but I think the time is right. I should probably start with some sort of disclaimer. This is for everyone out there that is struggling with Covid 19 recommended restrictions. I've tried to find support online, and nothing really sums it up for me. Nothing relates to what I'm going through accurately enough where I can take relief from it. Warning, this isn't for those of you breaking rules even if you have some weird justification for it in your head, or maybe it is. And before I start, I'm polite to any friends or family I know breaking rules - this is a going to be a vent on my part because really, this situation should be one that brings us together - not divide us. Okay, let's start.
Something I feel I should address first before I go onto my actual issue is that I keep reading online lines like "well, me and my friends have all decided the risk is worth taking to meet indoors". I can't stress how annoying that is to read. For someone who is taking Covid rules and recommendations seriously it's infuriating. I know there will be lots of people reading this that think they're abiding by rules and they're actually not, trust me, I am. That line alone sparks massive resentment on my part. For someone that hasnt willingly broken one guideline or rule, its insulting that "you and your friends" risk assessment of the situation is more important to you than the health and wellbeing of others. (Another discalimer: I havent intentionally broken any rules - but the Supermarket run once a week is horrendous. Seriously, has anyones supermarket actually been up to standard? Mine hasnt - you always get that impatient one or two that glide right past you practically breathing down your neck. Unfortunately that one or two has risen to the whole bloody shop in recent weeks)
We all know that if you're breaking covid rules to see friends indoors you're probably already seeing family indoors. Let's have a math session. I know rules in each country within the UK are different but let's say you and 6 friends decided to meet indoors. Let's say on average those 6 friends all have 4 family members that they see indoors (whether that be children and partners, or your mum, dad and siblings - I think 4 family members is a generous underestimation, because if you live with your partner and kids you're probably also going to be seeing your parents and siblings as well as your partners). That now creates a bubble of 30, at a minimum. Now those 30 people, who will either have direct or indirect interaction, do they all work from home? If not, I'm sure their work colleagues wouldn't be happy knowing that they're taking that risk. Do they all shop online? If not, they come into contact with people in the supermarket or high street. Do they have a postman they chat to? Do they walk their dogs distanced from others? Do you see where I'm going? You literally have other peoples health and wellbeing in your hands, it's not a risk assessment that you and your friends can possibly take. You're not qualified to make those decisions.
You saying that it's okay to meet up because you and your friends "have thought about the risks and are willing to take the chance" is a joke. What you're doing is putting other people at risk. You can justify a breach in rules as much as you like, but it still remains a breach in rules. I mean that's why the rules in regards to friends and family is still in place right? Because if everybody saw the friends and family that they usually see, out R rate would be where it was in March or higher.
The divisiveness of all of this is what I struggle with. I think this started as something that could bring everyone together, everybody was experiencing a similar situation, empathy for others was high. I don't like people breaching rules, it bothers me. But I think more than that, it bothers me that those who breach rules think that their decisions don't directly impact those sticking to rules. They do. Above I was ranting about some line I keep reading online written from strangers that bothers me, because I disagree strongly with their justifications. I find real life even more bothersome right now, because I'm invested in the people making, in my opinion, silly errors in regards to Covid 19.
Okay then, so personally my situation is frustrating and infuriating. I think I've been searching online for some kind of justification for why I feel the way I do (why I have this burning ball of hatred for a lot of my friends, my close friends) I mean, that's why we look online now right? To find an opinion that fits your agenda so that you feel better with decisions. I know alot of this may come across really selfish and "poor me" but I'm writing this, so alot of it is going to be purely my opinion with no regard for theirs (maybe keep that in mind if you reply - I've never shamed anyone in person for their decisions, we're all individuals with different ways of thinking - this is just my opinion)
Right so I have 7 close friends, none of them abiding by any social distancing standards. All family members, other than my parents and siblings, are not abiding to any social distancing standards. Like I said above, what I find most difficult is the lack of regard that "rule breakers" have for "rule abiders". I honestly think that people breaching rules dont have a clue how annoying they are and how their decisions impact others - that in itself I find ridiculously selfish. I used to brush it under the carpet and give excuses for that kind of behaviour. Ignorance is bliss right? But I'm so frustrated right now that I don't care. I don't care that "Sharon" hasnt looked at regulations in place so she doesn't know any better. I don't care that "Clive" doesn't want to look at regulations because he'd rather live in ignorance. We're in a worldwide pandemic (I'm not a fear spreader, I understand that the death rate is low) I think the time to be ignorant about rules and regulations has gone. I suppose in a way I'm jealous. I'm jealous that "Sharon" and "Clive" are living life like nothings wrong. I'm jealous that they're doing what I want to be doing, without having the moral dilemma that I have. I'm utterly baffled that close friends and families moral compasses don't align with mine. These are people I thought should know better. These are people that I care about. And I think this is the point, they have zero regard or respect for my opinion (or the governments).
I mean, I know personally I'm not finding this situation too difficult - perks of being an introvert I think. I enjoy alone time. I enjoy my own company. But it's still hard. And even harder when you feel completely alone in your way of thinking within a friendship group. I understand that I'm maybe too OTT with rules (I'm of the opinion that even if restrictions are lifted, should we be doing it? Probably not. I very much put the emphasis on health and not economy btw... but that's a whole other thread and I know they're so intrinsically linked) And I understand that there are so many contradictions in rules that it makes it difficult to take them seriously (Dominic Cummings - am I right?). But I think what rule breakers don't understand is that personally I feel punished as a rule abider.
I have friends and family not sticking to any kind of rule (I know I said I'm OTT with rules but they do take the piss. 7 of them met indoors one evening in June to catch up and since then have met regularly, indoors and not socially distanced. At the time, meeting more than another household outdoors wasnt "allowed"). Again I feel punished and disrespected by other peoples actions. The more risk friends and family take, the less risk I feel I can take to try and counteract their actions. When lockdown rules are lifted I physically can't engage with those lessening of rules.
So I'm based in Wales, hopefully on Saturday 2 bubble households will be increased to 4 bubble households. How can I bubble with another group of households when anyone I consider to bubble with already has hit their bubble capacity months ago, or is bigger than recommended. That completely defeats the object of bubbles. How is my 2 household bubble meant to meet with "Sharon". "Sharon" lives with her husband and child. Has another two children living separately (All Sharon's children are 18+). Sees her mother. Sees her brother. Sees her nephews. Her daughter who lives with her sees her friends not socially distanced. Sharon right now stands at atleast a 16 separate household bubble. And I know that out of those 16 separate households, theres another 36 households indirectly that sharon will come into contact with because the people she's bubbled with have bubbles of their own. That's just one person I know, but is the same kinda story with all of my close friends and family. And those are just the people that I know about, how many more people is "Sharon" and her extended household seeing that I dont know about? Do you see and understand how frustrating that is for me... I want to see "Sharon" but what's the point. I can't possibly bubble with Sharon and still keep my integrity in regards to rules. This is why I feel resentment for friends and family. Because they make it impossible for me to see them within the parameters of the rules.
So I suppose I'm writing this for anyone else that feels the pain of rule abiding. It certainly feels like we're the minority right now, but I don't think we are. I think we're just more silent in out suffering. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone and that ultimately I think you're doing the right thing if you're abiding by rules!
What maybe would be helpful is a little list of don'ts for rule breakers, if you're still reading. (I don't like the term rule breaker but I mean essentially that's what you are, even if you have justification for it. So I am sorry if you're offended).
If you are rule breaking, if you are a "Sharon", I would very much appreciate for you to stop and think. Stop and think before you post pictures online of you flaunting social distancing rules. Stop and think before you ask that friend if they want to come to an indoor party (I dont think you realise how hard it is to politely decline when all you want to do is shout and scream). Please stop and think "Sharon" before you ring my household every week and ask me to see you when you're the person stopping me from doing just that. And please, if I hear one person refer to me as paranoid or extra cautious I am going to hit the roof. I'm neither, I'm simply doing as I have been asked to do by our government in order to keep everyone safe.
There will be lots of information that I've left out, and I've probably not come across too well. I think mainly, we've lost sight of the fact that excess deaths in the UK have been high for the last 5 months. Just be kinder to rule abiders, it's tough when all you want to do is go back to some sense of normality and it's the people you care about stopping you from doing it. And how can you possibly communicate that to them without looking like an arsehole. Politely declining invitations because I'm "not comfortable with any breach in rules right now" doesnt quite seem to get the message across.
Thanks for reading, I very much appreciate it. All feed back welcomed!