My mum lives her life completely as before but judges young people for trying to do the same

[differentname]

We had a bit of a falling out about this.
She sees her grandchildren (not my children - we live too far away), meets friends for dinner, walks, coffee, goes shopping, even does overnight visits, goes to church... only thing I can think of she's not doing is going to the theatre.
Yet she's telling me it's such a lack of solidarity that young people won't constrain their social activities!
Makes me so mad!

I don't have grandchildren and haven't stayed overnight anywhere but I do all the other things on your list and also think young people in pubs will spread the virus, I don't see what the problem is.

The problem is that it's not fair that some people can live their life as before while others have to make huge sacrifices.

I guess it depends if their life before can be done in accordance with the recommendations we are asked to live by. Teenagers will often meet in much larger groups with lots more mixing of households than your mum probably is. I do understand the principle behind what your saying but actually if she’s following social distancing as requested she can complain about others who aren’t?...

@differentname

The problem is that it's not fair that some people can live their life as before while others have to make huge sacrifices.

But it's not the fault of your mother that covid spreads in a particular way, should we all live like hermits in solidarity with young people who can't large it up in packed pubs. There is nothing wrong with doing the things we're allowed to do

I personally think lots of people are behaving extremely irresponsibly but all of the things on your mums list are permitted. Unless she’s holding parties in her garden/house then she isn’t doing anything wrong according to the guidance.

My parents were a bit like this in lockdown. Bemoaning young people not following the rules, especially the BLM protesters. But didn't like it when I pointed out that we'd been sitting in their garden visiting way before it was allowed, and that my kids hadn't kept 2m away from them at all times, they'd been giving me cups of tea etc.

You aren't going to change her mind. Just tell her that while she's free to make her own assessment of risk, so is everyone else.

A younger person 'going to the pub' is not materially different to an older person 'doing lunch'. Both can involve both food and drink, been consumed in a public place. So YANBU, she is been a hypocrite.

She's a bit of a hypocrite, isn't she?

Common personality trait/failing... I've been guilty of it myself more often than I'd like .

Can't remember who suggested it (saw it on MN), but I thought "you do you" was an excellent motto. Not just for Covid but also life generally (so long as no one is actually breaking the law). Have been trying to practice it more recently... Why don't you suggest it to your mum?

YANBU.

Yanbu, she's being a hypocrite. Yolo and if she has that attitude then she should respect all those who do too, regardless of age.

Church is not agest. In fact a large portion of young people practically run the show especially the music side.

I know someone like this during lockdown complained about people doing such and such, but then they were breaking it in different ways, hate pious people.

The people I see crowding in pubs and restaurants aren't young.

The things you’ve listed are allowed I don’t understand what she’s doing wrong .

@2020fedup

The things you’ve listed are allowed I don’t understand what she’s doing wrong .

The things the OP's mum is doing isn't the issue. It's the rank unfairness of the fact that she has essentially resumed life as normal while complaining about younger people wanting to do the same.

Also, young people going to the pub is also allowed.

Yes, unfortunately I think there is quite a bit of generational us vs. them going on. My dad seemed quite disappointed when I said we had started going to restaurants again. He said we could probably have met up but not if DP and I are now going "out and about" again. Slightly different from your mum in that he's not really going out much, but he still has the view it's "young people" acting like nothing ever happened that are the issue.

This is coming from the same man who, in the height of the pandemic, would visit supermarkets just out of curiosity, to see "what it's like out" 🙈

@differentname

We had a bit of a falling out about this. She sees her grandchildren (not my children - we live too far away), meets friends for dinner, walks, coffee, goes shopping, even does overnight visits, goes to church... only thing I can think of she's not doing is going to the theatre. Yet she's telling me it's such a lack of solidarity that young people won't constrain their social activities! Makes me so mad!

Bit anecdotally none of the activities you've listed she's now participating in have been linked to outbreaks have they like nightclubs and pubs etc. So I don't think she's unreasonable. Though you getting so irate about are unreasonable/overreacting.

So your mum does everything that's allowed in the rules, but thinks that younger people - who are also sticking within the rules - should volunteer to reduce their social interaction, not to keep themselves safe, but so that she's not inconvenienced at all by the virus that is far more likely to negatively effect her than them - have I got that right?!

There does seem to be a view that people who aren't all that badly effected by catching covid need to change their behaviour to keep those more vunerable safe than saying those more vunerable need to change their behaviour.

I would say:

Oh mum, you mustn't worry about the young people. In fact, it's good for you that they're going out. If enough of them get infected, and develop antibodies, they'll be acting as your human shield this winter (it now looks as if even a 20% rate of antibodies in the population is enough to keep the R rate below one). So why don't you leave them to pass it among themselves and have a nice takeaway?

Or:

The thing is, mum, your generation has some money. You can afford to go to the theatre and out to meals. You had (delete as relevant): a free university eduction, a week in hospital after having me, a 102% mortgage from the GLC so you could buy furnishings for your first house (which you bought at 23 with no help and would now cost a million pounds). If some young people didn't go out, others wouldn't be able to work. It's hard for them, let them be.

The house one is my parents. But it still astonishes me. They hadn't saved anything up, or inherited anything (working-class families), they didn't have especially good jobs, they hadn't distinguished themselves in their free degrees, and they bought a house with no hassle at all that people of my generation have had to work for decades to be able to afford. For the generation below me, it's even worse.

@DisgruntledGuineaPig

So your mum does everything that's allowed in the rules, but thinks that younger people - who are also sticking within the rules - should volunteer to reduce their social interaction, not to keep themselves safe, but so that she's not inconvenienced at all by the virus that is far more likely to negatively effect her than them - have I got that right?!

There does seem to be a view that people who aren't all that badly effected by catching covid need to change their behaviour to keep those more vunerable safe than saying those more vunerable need to change their behaviour.

As the mother of a child on the shielding list, it seems the opposite to me. There is very definitely an attitude that vulnerable people should stay shut away so that everyone else can go back to normal. My family has stayed at home since March - how much more behavioural change is expected?

I feel there is hypocritical behaviour from practically everyone this year. Including me if I’m honest.
It’s all ‘i will do the things I want to do because they are safe: golf/lunches/tea with friends in the garden. But those covidiots over there on the beach/in the pub/going abroad are the terrible ones spreading the disease and the reason we will lockdown again’.
Everyone wants to blame other people for doing things that they wouldn’t ever want to do in any circumstance, so it’s easy to say ‘i can’t believe they are doing that’

@differentname

The problem is that it's not fair that some people can live their life as before while others have to make huge sacrifices.

Yes, I agree that people who are living their lives as before, travelling abroad and then within our country, resuming a full social life including packing into bars and pubs, mixing in large groups, not observing social distancing, failing to get tested when experiencing symptoms, turning up for work when unwell, are causing the rest of us to make huge sacrifices. Definitely our freedom to participate in society at all, and possibly our lives. It is indeed extremely unfair.

She's talk a load of old bollocks and she knows it.

Just let it go. Arguing about the nonsense she's spouting changes nothing. Even if she admitted she's full of shit what would it change?

Just politely disagree and then move onto another topic.

I went to the pub last night it was most definitely the older ones not adhering to the rules! Hugging kissing shouting singing moving the chairs to get more people round the same table, stood chatting at the bar not following the one way systems. Meanwhile 3 young lads (early 20s) sat outside spread out from each other having a pleasant drink and chat, followed the one way systems, queued for drinks on the markers and didn't table hop round the pub for a chat with everyone. I ended up coming home early.

I have no problem with young people (or anyone regardless of age) doing everything allowed within the rules. I do have a problem with people ignoring social distancing, photos on Facebook of people having groups of others inside definitely not 2m or even 1m apart, crowds of people at pubs etc. Unfortunately it is often the younger generation doing this.