Shielding parents

[walfordwatcher]

When the shielding group was created in order to protect the clinically extremely vulnerable I feared that when life began to return to the "new normal" their needs would be ignored. And I feel that with the children returning to school next month that fear has become reality.

I have posted on here about schools using previous usernames, but have not received any response other than quite unpleasant assumptions being made about us, or frequently told to "just get on with it". Should say we have remained totally at home since mid March, only seeing our adult children and grandchildren whilst socially distancing in the garden. I am starting a new thread in the hope it gets noticed and hoping I receive advice on what to do.

Should also say I have every sympathy for working parents, the need for most children to return to school, the financial issues so many are facing, business owners trying to keep going, mental health issues and the health and safety of the teachers.

My family and I have been shielding to protect my husband. We have never asked for any help/benefits from anyone during this time. We have been lucky enough to work from home as foster carers, and also lucky that all children (including our own) have responded really well to online schooling and adapted really well - I am so proud of them. Now of course shielding has been paused, although my husband's doctors have advised him to continue to shield. And the schools go back...

I have not been aware of any statement regarding people in our situation as the shielding group no longer formally exists.

So we have 5 senior school children, all in different "bubbles" at school each with 150 others. In fact there are three seperate schools involved here, all operating on different systems. But what I consider to be the most difficult part is the journey home on the school bus mixing with many others. And this is where most people think I am being ridiculous - I am truly scared. Two of the childen have special needs and I am also nervous they will not be able to comply with safety rules (though I am sure the school staff will help).

The obvious answer to protect my husband would be to withdraw the children from school and continue to home school them. However, although this is possible with my children, it is not possible to do this with the foster children as the local authority have parental responsibility. The foster children, currently happy and healthy, are in their mid teens and have been with us since they were toddlers, so any change in placement would be cruel and cannot be considered. Obviously children's services expect them to attend school as normal in September, and are not open to any discussion about it. Also, on a purely practical level, of course we would lose our job is we did not do as they ask.

We have no choice therefore (and I realise there are many millions of other people in situations where they also have no choice) but feel we could be literally risking my husband's life (and again I know there are millions in worse and more dangerous situations than ours). I know it sounds dramatic, and I probably am being unreasonable and selfish, but I am frightened and am asking for advice other than "just get on with it".

Thank you in advance for any replies.

Just posting to say that you have my full sympathies. A scenario like yours demonstrates the difficulty of saying that we should ‘protect the vulnerable’ and let the rest of us crack on with things. Society is far too interconnected for that to happen so easily.

I do think it’s absurd that shielding has been unpaused with no contingencies for those who have been medically advised to continue to shield. I have read that the government is considering ‘smart’ local lockdowns where, in the event of a rise of cases in your area, certain groups will be told to shield, but a more expansive list this time, including categories like the obese and the over 50s (this was in the Telegraph). But I’m not sure how that’s especially helpful in your situation.

The only thing I would do is at least keep an incredibly close eye on cases in your local area. The government’s dashboard is updated on Thursday and is very helpful.

Hi, it is so hard. I am on the shielding list and we have fully shielded as a family and worked from home with our children. Yet my children will have to go to school and as a teacher now the Government has ended shielding, I too will have to return to teaching. So we have 3 different schools that we will be in. My DJ’s employer has allowed him to work at home due to me shielding but no idea what will happen in Sept.

One think I am going to do is have a change zone in the hallway, so all clothes and shoes removed, put straight into the wash and all of us straight into showers and baths as soon as home. Going to keep as much as possible in the boot of my car and maybe in the garage - PE kits etc!!

I am going to send hand sanitiser with the children, but they are quite young to remember to use it.

I am going to ask for a copy of each school’s risk assessment and ask about when they will close down bubbles. I also want clarification of what to do if any of us have suspected symptoms. With cold and flu season about to occur, do they isolate each time for 14 days and will work be provided etc? I would imagine with multiple children you may find your family at home quite a lot anyway.

I am hoping flu jabs for us all will be available as soon as possible rather than mid Nov which is normal.

@Cloudsburstagain
I have my flu jab booked for sep at boots, if you get it free you won't have to pay.

Our situation is similar in that we were also shielding and we have a primary aged child due to start in September.
I am hanging onto the fact that In our LA cases are low and so far continue to be so (according to the Govt Online statistics)
You have my sympathies

I don't have any answers, take care and may you all be safe

Similar here too. With teens it is cruel to lock them in the house for what could be years.

What I am doing is examining the local situation constantly. So, as cases are really low round here, it seems fine for the dcs to meet a friend, or even to eat out to help out!

If we were in a dodgier area, or if cases rise, then I would reconsider what we should do.

However, it is difficult. Depressingly I was reading that we might have to live with this virus for years until it dies down. How can we press pause on a 16-year-old’s life? No exams, no university, no job, no boy/girlfriends... that would be untenable.

Oh what a difficult position you are in - you have my sympathies.
I don't know anything about foster placements and wonder if you would be better seeking specialist advice - is there a board on here.
Would it be a possibility for your husband to live elsewhere for a period of time (for example until half term) to see how infection rates go? Otherwise, is there anything that you can do to section off certain rooms in your house/separate bathrooms etc to minimise the risk?

I think myself that the autumn and winter will be a real time of reckoning. We don't yet know how the virus will behave. We haven't decided exactly what we am going to do as all the choices have disadvantages as things stand.

I wonder whether, if the government shifts its position to more like Wales,then the options for you would change? Have you discussed your situation with children's services? If not, would a discussion be possible? It would seem that you don't have much to lose by at least addressing the situation. It would be very sad for all your children if there were any comeback on your on health. It sounds as though the placement is very successful and one would hope they would want to support you - and it -in this unusual situation.

Wishing you all the very best with it.

How many children altogether and how many fostered?

Is it at all feasible to homeschool all those who you are allowed to which would at least reduce the risk?

If you did that how many schools would you still be involved with with what sized ‘bubbles’ and what distance/ journeys are involved.

I realise this is all very nosy but I promise I have my practical hat on absolutely determined to think about your dilemma properly.

I am thanking my lucky stars I have the choice.

OH and I are both extremely vulnerable and have been shielding since before lockdown. I have had a lot of tests and procedures cancelled. We have had numerous telephone appointments. The doctor last week advised me to get tests done now in order to get in "before it all kicks off again".

What’s the best place to look for latest info on actual no. cases in your area?

That sounds really shit

Thank you everyone for your kind and supportive comments. I can't tell you how comforting they were when in other threads people could be quite unkind to anyone voiced their concerns regarding children returning to school in September.

Thank you also redolant, cloudburstagain and herecomesthesun for your helpful practical suggestions. I am so sorry others find themselves in an equally different position also, which is also making me angry that there are others out there but no government advice or support.

I shall of course keep a close eye on the figures in my area. And we are reducing the risk by not meeting with others, nor are the children. However, the more I learn about the practicalities of how the different schools will operate, the more my fears increase. And transport to and from school for them is one of the most major issues. Sadly some of the social workers lack considerable common sense - and somewhat annoyed that they insist we should get back to normal when they are still working from home until the end of the year!!

Thank you all again and any other suggestions will be very gratefully received!!

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In answer to your questions CovoidanceMechanism I have three fostered teenagers, two of our own still at school, one who is an adult living at home with considerable needs and another adult who is married with children.

So if it was just the fostered children there would be three "bubbles" of between 120 and 150 people each, so up to 450 others. But the mixing of "bubbles" on school transport on the way to and from school each day. I have been trying to negotiate some method of avoiding the school bus and have asked for social services support in this, but none has been forthcoming.

I am very grateful for you putting on your practical hat and await your thoughts with interest!!

If you have a big enough home can you have a ‘plan C’ so if any of you get a cough or temperature your husband can immediately have minimal direct contact while you wait for test results.

In your circumstances I might well do a symptom check on everyone daily - if you help the C19 research by reporting you health daily (only a couple of minutes for me to report for 2 people) it would be easy and help research.

At the first sign of a symptom I’d be keeping everyone at home until tested negative.

I might consider homeschooling any children I could and looking into ways to mitigate the transport problem.

Can you describe the foster children’s journey/journeys?

Would it be a possibility for your husband to live elsewhere for a period of time (for example until half term) to see how infection rates go?

I think we will have to do that IrmaFayLear but this is where my selfish side comes out in being angry he has to do that....although of course I know so many front line workers have had to seperate from their families for their own safety. And of course parting with children who have been part of the family for a decade is unthinkable. I think we might risk my husband continuing to stay here if Children's Services would help us with the transport issues. I have given other suggestions to them that could work, but apparently any money for transport comes out of a different budget (FFS!!).

Thank you again!

Hi there great to cross post!

Have you discussed your situation with children's services? If not, would a discussion be possible? It would seem that you don't have much to lose by at least addressing the situation. It would be very sad for all your children if there were any comeback on your on health. It sounds as though the placement is very successful and one would hope they would want to support you - and it -in this unusual situation

I have done herecomesthesun yes, and sympathetic noises are made. But they all quote the fact shielding is now paused (which naturally means anyone with lung disease is automatically cured). We have literally all been to hell and back a dozen times with two of the foster children, it's been a complete miracle we have all come through it and they are the wonderful young people they are today with bright futures that could never have been imagined. We are so proud of them and so glad we managed to get through the awful times. We too hoped for some support, but not so. I won't give up though and as soon as we work out what to do next we will do it!!! I hope things manage to work out for you too, and thanks again!!

That’s quite a large bubble altogether isn’t it and it’s not like the 450 people are all living on a remote island with no outside contact.

Now, this isn’t exactly a practical solution but I wonder if, as part of your family protection strategy, you ask your husband’s GP for some specific medical advice for him re safe contact and dig out some written evidence about the length of family stability for the foster children.

Then get in touch with your MP to say these policies of huge bubbbles, no safe transport option, homeschooling not allowed for foster children are discriminatory towards all of these people with disabilities because of the right to family life being put at risk for the children and husband being pressurised by social services into putting his health and wellbeing at risk.

I totally agree with Cloudburstagain’s change zone, all the better if husband can eg only use a back door.

Last winter I set up a little zip together gazebo on my tiny patio just big enough for a trampoline so DS who has additional needs could get outdoor exercise. It was much more robust than I expected and is still going strong. I think it was one of these www.amazon.co.uk/AllSeasonsGazebos-Colours-Waterproof-Premium-Wheeled/dp/B00KJPMJW8/ref=redir_mobile_desktop?th=1&hsa_cr_id=5125204990702&ref_=sbx_be_s_sparkle_td_asin_0&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8&aaxitk=oum7YmXfXVFl4nFh1A8Hsg
If you have the space could you use something like this With a big camping table to have maximum outdoor/ semi outdoor contact between kids and husband. Fresh air ventilation really does massively reduce viral load. Making a big effort to thoroughly air kids bedrooms especially and keep windows open and rooms aired generally would help.

You’re in such a difficult situation, I really feel for you.

If you were able to do it are the foster children’s schools a driveable distance away? Is there a legal reason they have to go by bus?

I am looking into a special needs tandem bike to use with primary age DS, there are potentially grants I can apply for to contribute to the cost. I have this fantasy of your homeschooled kids co-cycling their foster siblings safely to and from school 🙂

Look at this mad fun train

By the way I do realise you know a vast amount about additional needs so apologies if daft/naive suggestions 🌸

They've paused shielding and ended access to SSP.

I've been advised to continue to shield. I wasn't furloughed and on SSP but that ended at the end of July. I can't live with no money at all coming in, so I've returned to work in a retail environment. Obviously the government thinks I'm disposable.

I think you have to look at it, at the moment, that in February/early March we were all wandering merrily around with no notion of social distancing, and the virus then was very much at large.

Now we have more idea of where is a hot spot from local data, so one can make a personal risk assessment.

My hospital consultant said to exercise caution as if one were undergoing chemotherapy etc - ie no crowded places, public transport etc - but at the moment the risk - in our area at least - was very low.

Really feel for you op. I wish the government would allow parents the choice of homeschooling without the risk of losing a school place. Your situation is one that is so complicated and a blanket all children MUST go to school regardless of individual circumstances is appalling.

Gosh, that' so difficult for you. I'd go as far as to suggest your situation is unique - to have a shielding member of the family, so many teens and not having the freedom to make your own health and safety decisions.

I only have two suggestions, which might both be wildly impractical:

1. Could you pretend someone is your household has a cough just before school starts and tell schools you are self isolating for 2 weeks. That would give you a couple of weeks to see how things go in schools and would mean you are out of harm's way if it does all go wrong very quickly. You could even have another member of the family 'develop symptoms' 10 days or so after the first one.

2. Does your community have a local support network that was used when people needed shopping doing, taking to appointments etc? If they do, maybe someone from that would be prepared to give your teens a lift to school and pick them up? Maybe someone going that way anyway? You never know.

Another shielded here feeling nervous about school returns. I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I would push back hard at SS. Ask them to risk assess the benefits of school return for your Foster children versus the not insubstantial risk of them losing a foster parent (and worse being the one who unintentionally infected them with the cause of their death). Foster children have already had to manage so much loss that it seems reprehensible to risk more when you have a good alternative to offer. Ask for an opinion from one of the Clinical Psychs that work for them (if they have any).

If you absolutely cannot get any further then I would use the ploy suggested by @manicinsomniac above. However, unless you are in an area with a lot of cases I would be tempted to hold off to start with. Obviously, it's not possible to say for sure that they won't catch it in the first few weeks, but you would have to be very unlucky if cases are currently low. I plan to keep a close eye on cases in my area and also work with the school. Any cases in school or if numbers start to grow significantly then I'm taking out of there until things improve. It won't be possible (or helpful, really) to keep doing self-isolation for long periods so I want to save it for when needed.