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Covid

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Original poster

Mixing with grandparents

18 replies

Starlight9753 · 10/07/2020 09:59

I am feeling a little sad today. I have an 8 month old that my parents have only seen once since he was born. I also have an older disabled son who is desperate to see his grandparents.

My parents are in their late 60s and early 70s but do not have any other health conditions. I have suggested that our household isolates for 2 weeks before paying them a visit but they still think the risk is too big. They live 200 miles away so it would have to be an overnight visit.

My parents are however going food shopping and to the garden centre and my mum is now talking about going to the hairdressers so I feel they are not being very reasonable. Also I think timing wise now would be the best time to mix before cases go up again in the autumn. They have not given any timeframe but I suspect they want to wait for a vaccine before seeing us.

What do others think? Is everyone else mixing children and grandparents now?

OP posts:

Shelby30 · 10/07/2020 10:02

At the end of the day it's up to them. You can't force them to do something. It doesn't really make sense though that they are going out and to places like the hairdressers and yet won't see their grandchildren.

I agree though that now is better than later when the virus might be picking up again. Have you said that to them, they might not be thinking like that.

Shelby30 · 10/07/2020 10:03

Oh and yes my kids seeing both grandparents. All that have underlying health conditions and they have had cuddles too.

Camomila · 10/07/2020 10:03

Are they worried about the risk to themselves or to the baby?

FIL is a care home nurse and says he and MIL won't come visit until there's a vaccine. Completely up to him of course but we've met up with my DBro indoors and he's a paramedic (just told DS1 not to hug his uncle and he didn't pick up the baby)

Original poster

Starlight9753 · 10/07/2020 10:07

YesI agree it is up to them. I was just feeling a bit sad and wondered if it is just my parents that are feeling this way. A lot of the posts I read on here seem to suggest the opposite with grandparents being overeager to see their grandchildren.

I did mention that now might be the best time for sometime and their respose was to say they will think about it but they never mentioned it gain.

OP posts:

PymChurchBeach · 10/07/2020 10:07

We saw the in laws a couple of weekends ago (in their house) and we've been seeing my mum indoors pretty much since the end of April.

Original poster

Starlight9753 · 10/07/2020 10:09

@Camomila

Are they worried about the risk to themselves or to the baby?

They are worried about the risk to them. They realise the risk to an 8 month old is minimal.

OP posts:

Redolent · 10/07/2020 10:09

I think you’re being very reasonable. We also isolated for two weeks before visiting my parents. It was lovely, spent 3-4 nights without worrying about distancing, and toddler got much needed quality time with others.

I don’t think it’s a lot to ask to be honest. You and your child spending time with them should be more important than hairdresser visits.

Redolent · 10/07/2020 10:10

Please explain to them that 99.9% cases of the virus would no longer be infectious after 2 weeks. That’s why that time frame is the standard for quarantine across the world.

Original poster

Starlight9753 · 10/07/2020 10:14

@Redolent

Please explain to them that 99.9% cases of the virus would no longer be infectious after 2 weeks. That’s why that time frame is the standard for quarantine across the world.

I think they know this really as they are constantly reading research on the virus. I am starting to think they are just using it as an excuse not to see us which is what is making me sad.

OP posts:

torydeathdrug · 10/07/2020 10:17

Mine had a sleepover with my parents last night - no social distancing. They (my parents’) view is that the risk is currently very small - there are few cases locally & none of us work in jobs etc where we’re more likely to be exposed. Come the Autumn/winter things may well be different so they are making the most of this time.

Our only consideration is the risk of the children having it asymptomatically. If anyone was ill at all we’d be isolating so no contact & we’re not concerned about the remote chance of the children catching it from them.

ifonly4 · 10/07/2020 10:42

I met my Mum in town trying to keep a distance, but to be honest I don't want her in the house as I don't want to be the one who passes it onto her. Also, cross contamination, I feel I'd have to disinfectant everything she could touch before she came and then after she'd left. It might be your parents feel the same even though they don't realise it. I think this stems in my case from the fact I have two high contact jobs, DD has one and also I'm out doing the shopping, so at a higher risk of contracting the virus.

RedskyAtnight · 10/07/2020 10:48

Can you travel 200 miles without a stop (i.e. breaking the self-isolation)?

My in-laws are shielding and have been advised they should still not have any visitors.

My parents also live 200 miles away and, in the opposite situation to you, they would be very keen to see the children, but I am worrying about passing anything on to them (they are in their late 70s and my mother has heart failure) especially as I know they won't stick to social distancing or do any cleaning. I'd be happy to visit if they lived locally and we could do short garden visit.

Would your parents be happier if you just met outside (in a park if need be) and you stay overnight at a B&B?

Original poster

Starlight9753 · 10/07/2020 11:00

We will need to stop for the baby but can do this in a remote location away from others.

If we do meet we can't do social distancing becuase my older son who has learning disabilities and asd would not understand.

OP posts:

EsmereldaMargaretNoteSpelling · 10/07/2020 11:19

Given that they're going out and about, it's clearly not about risk management. If they've turned down the offer of you self isolating, then they just don't want to see you. I'm sorry they're treating you this way.

DebLou47 · 10/07/2020 11:48

My parents had my children all the time and my mum was getting depressed and crying all the time so I let her hug them my mum has never suffered depression before ... people are scared but remember they know a lot more about this virus and have a few treatments

Greydrapex · 10/07/2020 15:03

I see my mum and she’s seen the children.

BighouseLittlemouse · 10/07/2020 16:03

Hi OP

My mum is similar and lives over 200 miles away too - I am now hiring a self-catering place for a week so the kids can see her and their aunt and cousins. She has agreed we can see her in her garden. My DC will understand to stay away from her so that is different. I’m doing it mainly for the DC although I think my mum is also genuinely scared so I guess doing it for her as well.

Anyway just wanted to let you know that no you aren’t the only one with a parent who is like this!

OverTheRainbow88 · 10/07/2020 16:08

We’ve been seeing my parents outdoors throughout really and just started seeing them inside about 2 weeks ago- or whenever the changes came in!’ My ds is at pre school but my parents made the decision to see us.

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