Shielding with Only Child / socialising

[Milstow]

Hi!

DW & I have 1 DD age 5 & have been shielding since mid March (we went into lockdown as soon as things started heating up here).

Shout out to DD - she has been great. Keeping up with the sometimes loose / sometimes stricter homeschool routine (both of us are WFH as flexibly as poss - I do most of the school and work at night), taking part in zoom classes for ballet and zoom meet ups with friends, and has kept herself occupied wth toys and the iPad.

As lockdown has started lifting and new advice comes into play, I’m concerned that as others have started enjoying the parks again, and the thought of going back to school comes in September, that our little one is going to miss some vital socialising. I feel genuine guilt that as I’m on immunosuppressants, she is going to miss out on her friends. I fear the zoom meet ups are going to start fading out, and ones that do occur all the kids are going to be talking about playing out together. I obviously have my own fears about the return to school, DW returning to the office and the virus. TBH, not really sure how to go forward.

Would love to hear others Thoughts on this - particularly those shielding, and especially those with an only child. And if anyone has any resources to check out, I would be really appreciative.

Apologies for the long post, thanks for reading x

That sounds very tricky and the last few months must have been nerve-wracking. But things have already changed a lot and even you, as the shielding person, are allowed to meet up with groups of five people outdoors, I think. So surely your daughter could go to the park now and play outside with a single friend?

Hey!
We are shielding as DH has cancer. We have recently been letting our only child, DS (3) play with a couple of local kids outside. It has been absolutely wonderful. the other families aren’t shielding but are able to be quite careful (avoiding shops and WFH etc.) there’s a sort of mutual understanding that we’d let each other know if these circumstances change.

We’re considering sending him back to nursery in August (once shielding is paused) but not sure yet, and keeping a close eye on number of cases locally.

It’s really hard as things start to open up because the risk is still so real. We’re just making sort of ‘risk assessments’ for each new thing and figuring out how to keep the risk as low as possible while prioritising quality of life.

Are there any families you know who are in a similar position? Hope you can figure it out - good luck!

Hi there,

Thanks for replying! Yep, advice changed on 6th July, and shielding is going to ‘pause’. We’ve been talking about the park, but just have concerns about all those surfaces - we all know how gross kids can be!

I’d like us to move towards meeting up with another friend (ideally another shielding family). If I’m honest, having a slightly hard time getting round my own concerns.

Hi,

Thank you for your reply. And thank you for sharing all that - hope DH makes a swift recovery!!

Yes, you’re right - the risk soooo real, despite all the government advice (I’m not likely to believe a lot of what Matt Hancock says).

That sounds great you have the local kids about. We were chatting with our neighbours down the road about some kind play date. Wondering, is your little one interacting with the other kids? Are they keeping distance?

Thanks again for the reply! :)

This will pass at some point, we don't know when or how but it will. Your child is better off having 2 parents healthy and alive than a day at the park risking the life of one. You will get lots of advice from people who think going to the shops/park/etc is worth risking your life for, you need to do what is best for you and your family. At 5 you and your DW are the most important people for your child and it sounds like you are doing a great job.

@milstow yes we tried to keep them socially distanced but it didn’t really work. Perhaps it’s more possible with a 5yo, depends on the children I guess.

We just try and encourage things like football, catch or hide and seek that need a lot less close interaction but don’t tell them off if they hug or hold hands occasionally. We wash hands a lot and the adults stay distanced. We go to the park but don’t go to the playground or anywhere near other kids, and never inside - so in that way it’s a sort of ‘bubble’.

It’s not risk-free but it’s very low risk and for us it feels worth it. Different for everyone though, it’s a very personal decision.

Really hope this helps you. Weirdly I’ve found the lifting of lockdown much harder than the beginning - lots more complicated decisions to make- especially around childcare.

I know a few people on immunosuppressants who have been told they don’t need to shield but be careful! It it worth checking this?

Also could you take her to the playground occasionally at 7am? We’ve been doing that before work time starts to burn energy and no one is there!! Then we clean hands before we leave?

Really appreciate that comment - totally get its different for everyone. Does feel sometimes like the education part is fine, and we (mostly) have fun (tho I am absolutely knackered by the end of the day) but maybe we’re stifling her social / life skills as well as her quality of life.

That’s brilliant. I had a complete blank of what games to play. Jus kept thinking g of football (but then my kid always wants to pick it up lols).

I was hoping maybe a socially distant picnic might work at some point.

Completely agree about not being too heavy with them if they do connect physically. Don’t need to pass on my neurosis on! Thank you!

Oh, and yes! The lifting of lockdown has been much harder. Around April may time when we had a rhythm going and were in our own bubble it actually felt quite nice. Everyone was in the same boat, so no missing out. Now, it feels really unclear!

Thanks, yeah have been trying to get hold of rheumatologist or doc to check. Reading lots of different theories (which I think I need to stop). Hoping I’ll get some clarity by the end of July.

That’s a great idea. I’ve been relying on joe wicks pe and yoga in the mornings up to now, but to get her in the park early doors would be nice. Especially when the weather gets better again! Thank u for that

All you can do is work within your comfort zones which you have already the possibility of doing a few "controlled" things.

There is nothing wrong with this at all. Before this we had to make our own risk assessments to have some semblance of a "normal" life.

You have already highlighted some parts that may become a problem. This is also good. So what if they run up to each other and hug. That in itself isn't an issue, it's about how you take control of the situation. So. when calm and thinking "rationally" what would you do and plan your trip around that in a way such as antibac and wipes or whatever.

A part of our battle with anxiety is about taking back the control, and I don't mean a snap out of it thing. It's about taking control of those things you can to have a life. Clear those thoughts and plan for what if your child was sneezed on at any other time of the year.

Take baby steps if you have to, and don't pressure yourself to do it this is often counterproductive which we all know deep down! Do you have a garden, shared balcony etc? Look around you to find the things you need to help you. I found giving myself dates doesn't work, but obviously you might be different. I try my best to remember what the aim is and the steps I need to take and when it all goes wrong well that depends, I wish it was all - and everything was so amazing afterwards and all my problems suddenly vanished 😂

My OH is on Methotrexate, immunosuppressant and was told it’s not high risk!!

As previous posters have said you may not be as vulnerable as you think, dh is on immunosuppressants for PA. if you take one drug (Methatrexate or biological) then risk is quite low And social distancing is the only advice. (Perversely it's thought that biologicals alone such as Humira actually protect against severe symptoms) The risk increases if you use more than one immunosuppressant together. The risk increases to the point of needing to shield if you are a regular steroid user along with the immunosuppressant or you have co-morbidity such as advanced age, diabetes, high blood pressure or heart disease.
*disclaimer not a medical expert this is information from dhs rheumatologist.
We're in a similar situation having stayed in since the beginning of March, though my dd is 16 we're really nervous about the return to school and real life.

Thank u for this. It’s really helpful! Yes, do have a bit of anxiety about it I guess. We do risk assess and prep every time we go out: masks (not jus for our protection), Hand sanitizer, wipes and plasters etc.

Meeting up with other kids is a Worry, but hearing other ideas for games like hide & seek. I think I’d like to do a picnic - that way the kids can be managed a bit more.

For real?! Wow! That’s wild. I’ve heard so many different accounts now, ranging from critically vulnerable (government letter), to moderate and now no risk. I’ve found it quite hard to get hold of my rheumatologist and get some more info, but I guess they’re all still working it out. Have u guys had to shield at all or did u find out it was low risk early on?

Although dh isn't extremely vulnerable he did get a letter so we have been shielding as a family, until the last couple of weeks we haven't been anywhere we've been getting everything delivered and just going out for walks. Dh works from home anyway so no big change there, I've been venturing out recently though am religiously distancing and wearing a mask when needed.
Dh is on Methatrexate and Humira but decided to stop taking the Methatrexate at the beginning as it is more of a Covid risk than the Humira and luckily he's been fine.
DD has to go back to school in September so we're just going to have to accept the risk.

Thanks for your reply - I just saw your other message too. Have just been reading about some biologicals apparently preventing severe reactions to covid! It’s mind blowing, it doesn’t seem like there’s any rhyme or reason to this virus.

We’ve only been out for little walks and ventured to the park (not the playground bit) yesterday for the first time in ages.

Good for u on the mask. Do u just wear it in crowded places or everywhere? Up to yesterday we were wearing them even if just going to the post box. Now, we’re thinking only if we go in a shop or near lots of people.

OP, I'm assuming you are under 50 (as you have a young child). Did you know that fewer than 1000 people under 50 in England and Wales have died of coronavirus, out of 18 million people in that age range? That's including people with underlying conditions. It really is a very small chance. I don't know if that makes you feel any better?

Yes just wear a mask in crowded places and medical appointments, in the open air am able to avoid people and am trying to not be too paranoid and ease back not doing normal things.
It's really interesting research about biologicals and they have been trialing them with severely effected Covid patients but they are so expensive as many are still under licences so doubt they will be routinely used by the NHS.

I know it's difficult but I think you need yo key your child socialise. It's very unlikely that the virus will be transmitted by park surfaces, just keep up your hand hygiene and I hope you can all have some nice days out.

Are you shielding Tinamou ?

I'm guessing not, or else you might know that the conditions which pit you on the shielding list mean you have about a 10% chance of death or higher, and the rates of lengthy, complicated hospitalisation are very high. That's why we're banged up - the government doesn't really care about us as individuals (remember Boris channelling Farquad?) but does care that we'd fill the hospitals.

Milstow - you'll know all that already. And you might have come across me (and my soapbox) on various other threads.

Your concerns are entirely well placed. The concerns of the about-to-deshield are not health anxiety, they are well founded. But of course they still need to be dealt with.

It's worth reading the recent MN Q&A with Jenny Harries about the return to school

You're doing all the right stuff - things like bike rides, socially distanced outings in the park etc

Are you happy to talk about your condition? Because telling the parents of her closer friends, explaining why she needs the distance and asking for continuation of online activities (sell it to them as a wet day activity?) Be the one who initiates online contact, little and often - people aren't wild about smaller children and long screen time, but most people are concerned about isolated DC and will do their bit to ease their lot (this is where you find out what sort of people your friends are)

And yes, kinase inhibitors (which can act on T cells) are an area of investigation as a covid treatment. Promising, but no breakthrough

Fingers crossed for you that it all works out for you and DD.

Hi, i appreciate ur comment... I knew the number was pretty low (not that low). It’s not just the death part that concerns me; it’s the Possible long term Illness part - and that’s for anyone in my household.