Difference in opinion towards Coronavirus between myself and my husband

[Downtonbabby]

Does anyone else have a big difference in opinion towards the measures needed to take to keep themselves safe with regards to Coronavirus?

I personally feel I’m quite responsible and have been following the guidelines, only meeting people outside etc and try to follow the current guidelines. However now restrictions have eased a bit more I’m keen to do a little more, like take a short break in the UK, maybe have a couple of days out at a zoo or beach and go out for a meal.
However any suggestion of this to my husband and I’m told it’s too risky and he’s not comfortable doing any of those things. He doesn’t want to have a break away and any suggestion of a day out somewhere is shut down because he thinks the risk is too high as it might be really busy.

I just feel so sad as I feel like I’ve got a whole summer of boredom to look forward to trying keep my three primary children occupied and happy. I will make sure I take just the children for days out or meeting family and friends etc but I know he won’t want to join us on such trips, or if he did he would likely make it more hard work because he’d be stressing out about it all. It’s just hard though as even If I do things myself, he will sometimes comment or question things, he says because he’s worried about my/our safety. For example, he said he thought it was too soon when I had got my hair appointment booked for two weeks time (still going though as I’m in desperate need of covering my greys!) and again when I said a friend had suggested meeting at a prebooked slot at the farm he didn’t think it was a good idea 😩

I’m just finding we are constantly arguing as I’m struggling as it is with the situation and I just want to have a few things to look forward to this summer, whereas he thinks it’s irresponsible to be doing things that increase our risk of catching it. Ironically I work part time in a primary school and have been in school with children so I already increase our risk!

My husband does struggle with OCD related to germs anyway so I know this is part of it, but I’m just finding it so hard as I can’t see a way we can both be happy / comfortable with things.

Is anyone else in this situation or have any advice of how you manage it?

Has he had any help for his OCD?

Are either of you actually clinically vulnerable?

This sounds like me and my husband but the roles are reversed. My husband doesn’t see much risk in doing things. He has been at work every day though and life hasn’t changed an awful lot for him. Where as I’ve been working from home and have gotten a bit too comfortable staying in.

When Boris made the speech about lockdown it was to scare us all into submitting to it. Unfortunately it seems to have scared quite a few of us too much. Does he get any help for his OCD?

I have been slowly going out to the supermarket but I wait 14 days to go again as my anxiety is so bad I convince myself I have it and I wait 14 days for it to appear. There is no way I could think of going away anywhere or on day trips. I know it’s selfish but tonight I am calm. In the heat of it my thoughts are completely irrational. I am on medication and speak to my counsellor weekly. I am doing what I can. I didn’t leave the house for 11 weeks in a row. Now I can make myself go for a walk with the dog. I have been to the supermarket twice.

The fact that other countries seem to be getting a second wave and are going in to lockdown again makes me even more nervous. If people are going to Spain and they don’t have to quarantine when they come back is there going to be more cases in the community?

I think you maybe need to meet halfway. He might not be able to go on a weekend away but would he be up for a day trip and a meal out?

I’m not sticking up for him and your wants and needs are just as important but anxiety doesn’t make you rational.

He had some counselling about 12 years ago, which did help a bit. Although it wasn’t specifically for his OCD. He did try to eventually go to the GP again last year after I’d persuaded him he needed some help again, but as he wasn’t suicidal on the assessment he was just suggested some books to read (which he hasn’t, he took it more as a sign that he obviously was too bad!).

No, we are not in any vulnerable categories. We are both just under 40, he is a little underweight.

It’s interesting to hear from the other side too Averyslover.

I’m hoping we will be able to meet half way and perhaps have a day out or two. It’s just hard sometimes when I feel like I’m being made to feel guilty for doing things that are following the guild lines. Although I understand from his point of view it’s very stressful.

It may be worth him calling the dr this week. When I spoke to the mental health nurse for my prescription we had a conversation about the rise in mental health. She said drs are very quick to help at the moment and most surgeries have something in place for mental health due to lockdown/Covid.

That’s good to know. Although I don’t think he would call. He really doesn’t think he’s got a problem at the moment, he thinks he has the correct level of concern and other people are just not taking it all seriously enough. He commented at the start of it, that now everyone was taking hygiene / hand washing / germs seriously it was what he is like all the time and that in some way it showed he was right to think like that all along. I think it’s made him feel more justified in his thinking.
He also often finds scientific articles and uses those to back up his points on why we shouldn’t be out of lockdown.

Maybe part of me is less worried as I feel I’m more likely to catch it anyway however safe I try to be because I work in a school and I can’t control what those children have been exposed too. Also our three children will all be returning to school in September too as it’s compulsory, so I’ve come to terms with that more. Whereas he is working from home and only really goes out for walks in our local area with us at the weekend so feels more safe.

We are generally on the same page which is good, both been sticking to rules. At the outset of it all, I was a bit concerned he’d think I was OTT and paranoid as I stopped going out etc a couple of weeks before lockdown, but he had a friend who is a dr so what he said made him take it seriously

Remember that the rules are not there to 100% prevent you from getting COVID-19. They won't. Day trips, weddings, activities etc aren't really any safer now than a week ago.

The rules are there to minimise economic damage while keeping COVID levels under the threshold the hospital system can cope with.

However, given that you are working in a school and have children going back to school your family is not isolated anyway.

Is there a trip he would be comfortable doing which does not require socialising? For example driving to a remote attraction?

To be honest if I was in the UK I would not be going to restaurants etc. but it is easy for me to say these things from NZ.

This is me and my husband too. I don't want to do much, just maybe pop out for the day somewhere over the summer hols. The problem is we haven't got a car, so for us it's more risky. I've become so depressed how isolated we are going to be because of having to use public transport to go anywhere. I agree it is quite a risk rsp in a touristy area, it'll get busy this summer. He's very overweight and with other small risk factors, which means he is more vulnerable than me and I'm appart being selfish for just wanting a little day trip out. Apparently I'm being selfish but we've no local family either, so I'm worried our kids are going to suffer. I wish the tourists would stay away cause there are hardly any cases here and they are going to go up dramitically now(as of today Wales is opening up).

Your lucky cause you could just go out in the car somewhere with few people around. A remote beach or somewhere, would your husband do that? I'd love to do that but we are trapped being able to go anywhere as a family, outside of this tiny little town.

I wouldn't want to go to a zoo or an airport or motorway services just yet. I'm happy meeting up with another family outside.

I don't think it's as simple as saying that you don't need to worry if you're not clinically vulnerable. None of us know how we or our families would be affected, including the long term health problems we could be left with.

I don't think your DH is unreasonable not to want to go to attractions or travel hubs at the moment.

Can you just go with friends without him?
We were at our local zoo on Saturday- it was fantastic. Numbers allowed in were reduced, there was a one way system, the indoor areas were closed off, there was hand sanitisers everywhere. Also it was outside, so much less actual risk provided everyone was distancing, although in Scotland DCs under 12 no longer have to distance which shows the lower level of risk.

If he's not happy with that, then how about driving to the coast and seeing how many people there are. We had a very bracing walk at the seaside and fish and chips in the car yesterday with very few people.

Your poor DCs can't be kept prisoner all summer because of this - they've been inside long enough.

Have you checked the number of new cases locally? Where I live it is very low - about 3 people per 100,000 each week. Seeing that statistic might help him understand that in many areas the risk of catching it is very low, especially if you take sensible precautions.