Teenage daughter socialising again - keeping us safe, what really makes a difference?

[loveyouradvice]

Okay, please don't flame me for this - teen daughter socialising again after very tough lockdown - and we're supporting her with doing this with some clear limits. Has quite a large bubble of friends (15) who meet up, usually in smaller groups 3-4 times a week, often outside but not always, not social distancing (very few teens locally are), hand washing and masks when out and about. We have let them into our house, again with limits - one large room only

OH and I are following the rules ourselves, and have really enjoyed having mates round for SD supper outside. I'm a bit vulnerable, and aiming to get fitter and lose weight.

Realistically, with case rates right down, what do you think are the best ways to minimise my risks?

My thoughts:

• Be a bit more SD from daughter - sit a good metre apart at dinner, hug and kiss her but briefly, no long hugs watching movie together, washing my hands a bit more and not sharing cutlery
• Wiping down room after her mates have been here, and ensuring nothing edible out we might then consume
• talking to her mates briefly, but not for more than 2-3 mins unless SD in garden

But not to worry about these any longer:

• wiping down shopping
• okay to sit on sofa in the big room soon after they've left, etc

And generally to be a bit more relaxed... recognising I'm unlikely to catch from anyone unless closer than 1.5metres for a good 10+ minutes - that public transport potentially still risky but most other things not.

I'm keen to enable my teen to be able to socialise again as much as possible, especially given how much they have lost and how friendships are what will sustain them as they move into a very tough employment market.......while also minimising my own risks

I was just talking to a friend about how the teenagers are meeting up in our respective local parks in the evenings. They're doing teenager-ey things like smoking joints and fumbling about, so I'd point out the incredible stupidity of that. Not saying your DD is, but you might want to reinforce the notion of distance.

I'm in a similar position with my dd. I think the uncertainty of where they stand in terms of social "position" is overwhelming and they need to get back in to their tribes (so to speak!) to get a sense of that back.

The risk is minimal I think. I believe the impact of forcing my dd to be the one who isn't there is far more dangerous

Hand sanitiser is stocked on the shelves of most shops again, so I'd stock up on pocket sized ones and encourage her to keep one on her person to regularly use. Provide her with plenty of disposable masks, and get her to take one out and about with her (required for public transport now anyway). Ask her to wash her hands when she comes home, and change into a fresh set of clothes/pj's. To be honest her friends probably won't be allowed by their parents to leave the house and socialise if they exhibit symptoms anyway.

DS16 is socialising with friends again. They don't come in to each other's houses and only ever meet in green spaces. The boys kick a ball around or throw the basket ball around, the girls either join in or sit and watch. I drove past a few times to check and was surprised to see they were sitting apart and seemed to be social distancing. He takes a bottle of antibacterial hand gel and a mask out (don't think he uses the mask though). He always comes in and changes his clothes and showers - he does have GAD though with OCD behaviours and for once that is actually helping him to keep safer.

Tbh I'm mainly confused why they have to socialise inside. That increases the risk hugely for minimal benefit surely?

Ds is socialising again but only with 2 friends at a time and outsides I would be amazed if they socially distanced all the time tbf but he uses hand sanitiser and washes hands thoroughly when he gets in. I absolutely am not allowing indoor socialising for any of us - just don't think it's worth the risk

Yes the bit that shouldn't happen is the indoors stuff, really.

I think you just have to accept that if she gets it, you get it. Nothing you're suggesting will prevent that . And if you use rooms her friends have used, you'll catch it if one of them is shedding large quantities of virus also (you dont have to be symptomatic to do that). As you said, what is really protecting you is the low levels of virus in your area.

I'm starting to doubt how contagious it is. Why isn't it spreading like wildfire in hospitals, supermarkets and schools?
Families with young kids can't go and play in the park? On the swings? Is it really being transmitted by touching surfaces? I think not.
Else it would've spread in schools already.

You can have a bubble and have been able to be indoors for ... is it 2 weeks now.

My Ds1 is our, with mates after not sitting GCSE's. In groups of 6. Has been for weeks now, since restrictions lifted.
Everyone is fine. I'm starting to doubt and question the Governments over zealous recommendations.

@Oblomov20 maybe have a look at Arizona, or Texas or Brazil? Given a chance it will spread like wildfire, it just takes a little time to get going. Once it gets going though the numbers explode seemingly overnight.

The numbers of out breaks in schools are already increasing. This is to be expected - the more contact be people, the more transmission you get.

As for how infectious it is , there's plenty of science now to tell you. More infectious than was first thought but not as infectious as measles. The main problem is having such a large pool of people with no immunity to it.

FFS at 'starting to doubt how infectious it is'.

I'm starting to doubt how contagious it is. Why isn't it spreading like wildfire in hospitals, supermarkets and schools?

It’s not spreading like wildfire as we have massively reduced infections over the lockdown period, and most people continue to have significantly fewer close social contacts than they did pre-March.

Those that aren’t social distancing are doing so with friends or a limited number of work colleagues. If no one in their “group” has it, it obviously can’t spread.

Covid spreads best in indoor groups of people... If i remember back pre-March, I’d have had many such interactions in groups of people I didn’t or barely knew over the course of a few weeks... for months now I’ve had no such interactions with such people.

American states that have (or had) allowed indoor activities such as pubs, restaurants and gyms are being absolutely hammered right now. While the outdoor protests seem not to have caused any huge rise in infections, people mingling indoors has.

We're not allowed to socialise indoors with groups in Wales yet but presumably you are OP. My teenager is also socialising but outside only. I'm not convinced he's social distancing entirely. I've seen how casual they all are when they're hanging out in the garden, unlike me and my friends who have developed an invisible force field between us! But I think the wind and sunlight probably minimise risks.

You clearly aren't comfortable OP why not just say no?

Porcupine they aren't increasing here in our borough. We've all obeyed the rules, and children have been back in for the last month. No increase.
Threats of increase post d day celebrations. No increase.

Relaxation of rules. No increase.

We are actually all supposed to get it anyway, so a part of me would rather get it sooner rather than later.

I'm sorry OP but if your daughter catches covid then staying 1.5m apart from her is not going to protect you. Prolonged encounters indoors are a good way to pass it on. I agree with other posters saying the group should not be socialising indoors at your house if you're keen to avoid covid. Spend some time learning about how the virus is passed on because you seem quite unclear at the moment and you obviously want to protect yourself.

Also a big group of friends socialising together and also mixing with their own families etc is in no way a bubble. It's a long and probably endless chain of people, all of whom you're effectively having contact with by allowing your daughter to meet without social distancing. Obviously that's your choice but you seem concerned about contracting covid, so you really need to be aware there's no element of "bubbles" or safety in what you're doing at all.

My dd is 17 and she isn’t allowed inside anyone else’s house and no one is allowed inside ours. She can meet up for socially distanced meets in the park but that’s it. Of course I don’t know how far she is sticking to this when she’s away from us but I am clinically vulnerable and have to be careful. To be fair she is hardly going out at the moment.

Dd 15 who has been following all the rules came home from school this week furious that she has only met up with one friend twice. Yet a girl from her old primary (her mother is a primary school teacher and I would have thought she would have had more sense, but she’s much younger than me and I would guess would maybe agree to anything to ensure her DD is cool and stays in the popular group) and a few other girls have been bragging about having regular sleepovers throughout lockdown so she is more than a little mad.

Stop allowing them all indoors and just let her meet them outside. If it's raining they can wear coats!

@Oblomov20

We are actually all supposed to get it anyway, so a part of me would rather get it sooner rather than later.

I’m not sure where this has come from.... Current infections in the U.K. have been suppressed to 3,000 per day from 100,000+ per day per lockdown.

If that were to continue, assuming 10% of the population have been infected already (which is higher than Government estimates), it would take 55 years for us all to get it!

The Government seem to be working on suppressing it at low levels in anticipation of a vaccine next year. However, if a vaccine isn’t possible, all bets are off!

If your daughter is outside with friends, socially distancing, the chances of catching it is minimal. I don’t think most young people want to give it to their parents or grandparents. I find most of my daughter’s friends are sticking to the rules. One of her friends has lost his dad from Covid (he caught it at work not from his children) so they know the risks.

Where are you? Definitely not allowed groups of people meeting up inside houses....or has that changed again?

Nothing you've listed will mitigate the risks you're allowing her to take. You need to either decide the risks are worth taking and accept them or if you want to be more cautious introduce some rules that will actually make a difference like limiting how many people she sees and making sure it's outside.

I mean, you can call her group a bubble if it makes you feel better but 15 different households is clearly not a bubble.

I think OP has just chosen to interpret the guidance to suit her DD’s needs. As Dominic Cummings ignored/adapted the guidance as he fancied a jolly to Durham to see his family as have many in this country and most at DD’s school it seems.
I am a bad parent as I am shielding and following government guidance.

Exactly what foamrolling said.

@Tadpolesandfroglets In England it is currently a criminal offence to have a gathering of more than two people indoors unless everyone is part of the same household or bubble or the gathering falls within a list of exemptions. From tomorrow the guidance says you can have a gathering indoors, but that it should not involve more than two households at a time. Not sure to what extent the guidance that applies from tomorrow will be backed by criminal sanctions or to what extent it will just be non-legally binding guidance.