clashing with my teenager over coronavirus

[toastmeahotcrossbun]

For background, dd is asthmatic and 18, we live in central London. So I obviously can't stop her going out, nor do I want to but I'm still worried about CV and taking precautions myself as I WFH. She's started up her social life, big groups, going on the tube, etc. and has gone into one today, saying I am the only parent still worried, all her friends parents and families are out and about having a good time and I am trying to stop her enjoying herself. Some of her friends families are going on holiday and things. Anyone else struggling with teens - she wants to go to a big sleepover now with a load of them.

I too have 18 yo DD who is asthmatic. I'm not sure if this helps byit she has not left the house all lockdown. She accepts it. She hasn't seen her boyfriend, nothing.

She realises it's got to be this way as some of us in the house are vulnerable.

It's your house op so your rules.

I think there's a happy medium here. A sleepover is against the rules. Going out and meeting in a park is not. Surely you can find a compromise?

big two fingers up to the rules, I see. Tempted to say let her get ill, but trouble is it may not be her.

She's 18, therefore a bit stupid and considers herself indestructible. I hope she's right but some basic consideration would help. So when she comes home she gets in the shower, she washes her hands a lot, she keeps her distance from you etc etc.

Does she understand the seriousness of asthma? I wonder if looking at asthma uk’s Covid resources might help you both reach an understanding of what is and isn’t ok. The amount of my friends with asthma who were shocked that it killed my Dsis was astounding, they genuinely had no idea. So maybe no tube at the moment for example? But walking to the park is ok.

Sorry about your dsis midsommermum that's a good idea, I'll get her to look on that website.

It's been the most challenging time so far of parenting tbh. She's normally sensible but now wants to just follow her friends after the lockdown, they're all acting as if it's all over now. And of course at an age where it's hard to lay down the law.

I think some sort of compromise has to be had, some good ideas on here so thanks all.

Are you worried about her or you ? Would it be useful to discuss with her your precise concerns? And therefore what may be reasonable precautions.

I'm struggling terribly with my 17year old who has asthma. Initially she was content to stay at home, for about 2 months literally didn't go out at all even though we said to her it would be safe to come for a walk, then it was a friends birthday get together and I let her go as it was outside but was very worried. Nagged her about social distancing and she wore a mask on bus. Trouble is she has a boyfriend, not local, that she wants to see and they are obviously not going to social distance and not kiss lets face it. I actually let her go out with him a couple of weeks ago and was basically worried sick for 2 weeks after. She wants to go and see him again now and actually this is against the rules in England as they can't be part of a support bubble as the don't live alone. I'm worried as well for myself as I have asthma and other underlying condition that make me vulnerable. She keeps saying I dont trust her but of course I don't trust two 17 year olds not to snog! I agree one of the other problems is her friends are totally ignoring this and at least two friends are sleeping with their boyfriends. It makes it very hard.

I'm with her all the way. This has been a shit year for teens. Every year as a teen is important, it's only as you get older they all merge into one.

At least she is getting some fun to look back and remember. Others will have to look back and remember what they missed.

How severe is her asthma? I have mild asthma and was initially concerned, but then read that they are finding being asthmatic is much less of a risk factor for being seriously ill with covid than they thought.
I'm sorry, I cant remember where I read it though.

You may not be able to protect her, but you can’t let her endanger you. She needs to avoid public transit and restrict meet ups to small groups, outdoors, with social distancing and masks. It really doesn’t matter if the official rules are more relaxed. The rules aren’t relaxed because of science, they are relaxed because of politics.

The problem is, if you say no meeting up with friends etc when does it end? We could be like this for a very long time and 18 year olds can get just as lonely as 80 year olds.

It is sad for them really, I was having the time of my life at 18.

This doesn’t help much but my son got the virus and he’s the same age as your dd. He has asthma and it did not effect his breathing. He had a cough which lasted a couple of months but nowhere near as bad as he’d had with other viruses. (We all had whooping cough a few years ago and that was worse) The first bit was the worst which lasted four days and that was the headache, temperature, sore throat and feeling exhausted. He said he wouldn’t have wished it on his worst enemy. It does make young people ill. They’re not indestructible.
It’s very difficult when family members clash with what they think is acceptable. I am having the same problem as my ds thinks as he’s had it he doesn’t care anymore. I don’t know what the answer is sadly.

Why not get your daughter to check in with her asthma nurse about this?

There is some conflicting evidence/ data around asthma and there isn’t a clear picture yet. Some studies seem to suggest that asthma doesn’t exacerbate covid. Others suggest it can but only when the asthma is at a certain level.
According to our GP there is also some evidence to suggest a steroid inhaler could be a risk factor for more severe infection- but with the steroid causing the issue rather than the asthma.
In children there doesn’t seem to be any asthma/ covid issue according to most studies I’ve seen ... 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s a very mixed picture and if I were you, I would get her to speak to a professional. That way you’re not the bad guy if it’s bad news and she’s told to stay home, and she gets some proper medical advice - which is what’s probably needed tbh.

Our teens are missing out. There is just no way around it. Their development is going to be delayed. Socially distanced dating can’t replace the thrill of holding someone’s hand for the first time or leaning in for that first kiss.

Teens and young adults don’t tend to die from this disease, but the death rate isn’t zero. There is also the very real and demonstrated connection between social gatherings and parent death. Think about those kids and young adults who are going to spend the rest of their lives knowing that a choice to go to a party killed their mother or father. Those are the people that are going to have real problems long term.

"It really doesn’t matter if the official rules are more relaxed. The rules aren’t relaxed because of science, they are relaxed because of politics"
I agree with @Purpleartichoke. It is awful for teens now but at least they have their phones and social media. I think letting them meet small groups of friends outside is ok, and in the case of OP I would try to stress how much danger her diabetic sister would be in if she doesn't observe social distancing etc. My husband works on the front line, the virus has not gone away. There has also been an increase in cases since pubs have reopened and other lockdown measures have been relaxed.
Someone else said when will all this end, it will end when there is a vaccine.

Apologies @toastmeahotcrossbun I had got confused with someone else, I can see now it wasn't you who posted about diabetic sibling.