Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Fear of partner returning to work

26 replies

BumbleWumble · 01/07/2020 11:57

At present neither my partner nor I are working. I was wfh but my contract finished at the end of May. My partner was working as a labourer until this all hit. We live with his 90 year old mother, who would clearly be vulnerable and who we act as carers for, so he left his job just before lockdown started. The rest of his team continued working.

We have savings and do not have huge outgoings such as rent, so we are in the fortunate position of being able to sit things out for a while. But not forever. I have started sending my CV out but obviously there is not much out there at present. My partner could however in theory return. His boss would still take him, although I have no idea how long this possibility would remain open for. He also knows other people around who would probably provide him with work in the future.

My fear is that there is unlikely to be any real social distancing or precautions taken in this kind of work environment. I suspect it would just not be taken seriously. And I also suspect my partner, once there, would just follow suit with the rest of them. He already struggles with the concept of social distancing when we go for walks. He is probably somewhat on the spectrum and doesn't seem to quite get risk management so this would add to it. I sometimes have to remind him to stay far enough away from people, and a couple of times he has stopped to chat to some one he knows and while he has kept a reasonable distance he has implied to them he is only doing it because I am there. I walked past the site yesterday where he would be working and I could see three men very close together on one rung of scaffolding.

We have kind of agreed to sit this out for a while since we can get by for now to see what happens over the coming months, whether there is a second wave and what progress is made in terms of vaccines and treatments. And as I said we have to think about the risk to his mother. At least one of us needs to live with her and there is no way he would move out and not be around her.

But realistically he can't just not work again forever, even if I find something where I can wfh. We can hope some miraculous development might be here within months, but the likelihood is it won't I guess. But I fear as soon as he goes back there will be a significant chance of him catching it mainly because necessary precautions just will not be taken, either by his workmates or him. Then we will all be at risk. I just basically feel that we are delaying the inevitable. That we are sitting here pretty much safe now, but at some point my partner will have to return to work and then every day will just be spent worrying about when we will all be struck down with it. I'm just terrified about this future, but also angry because I know it could be mainly avoidable if the necessary precautions were taken, but for some reason he is not the type of person to fully take them on board.

OP posts:
TheDailyCarbuncle · 01/07/2020 12:04

I mean this as kindly as possible, but are you aware that there will be no point in the future when the risk from covid is gone?

turnthebiglightoff · 01/07/2020 12:05

It's not "mainly avoidable" to work I'm afraid, OP.

CodenameVillanelle · 01/07/2020 12:07

1 in 1700 people is currently infected with Covid 19. The chance of one of them being on his site and getting close enough to infect him is pretty low.

Realitea · 01/07/2020 12:08

There are a lot of us worried about going back out there at the moment. I am due to start work soon cleaning after AirBnB groups and families and I’m not that confident I’ll stay safe but all you can do is take what precautions you can and be confident that you did your best. We can’t hide away forever. Cases are going down and it was probably much higher just before he stopped work. They weren’t testing everyone then so we’ll never know.
I know my dh isn’t as careful as me, I am constantly reminding him to wash his hands when he gets home! I just do what I can and hope for the best 😬 I think that’s all we can do

HappyHammy · 01/07/2020 12:09

Whats the alternative if he doesnt go bsck to work.

BumbleWumble · 01/07/2020 12:16

@TheDailyCarbuncle

I mean this as kindly as possible, but are you aware that there will be no point in the future when the risk from covid is gone?
Of course. But the hope is it might become less of a risk if a vaccine or effective treatment is found, although obviously the chances of this happening within the next year are probably slim.

The thing is we can afford to hide away for a while. So it seems why risk our lives, and that of a 90 year old woman, when at this point we don't have to. But at some point we will have to anyway barring a significant medical advance being made, so is it better just to carry on as normal now?

OP posts:
GetUpAgain · 01/07/2020 12:19

Can he find a role working for a more responsible employer?

BumbleWumble · 01/07/2020 12:19

@Realitea

There are a lot of us worried about going back out there at the moment. I am due to start work soon cleaning after AirBnB groups and families and I’m not that confident I’ll stay safe but all you can do is take what precautions you can and be confident that you did your best. We can’t hide away forever. Cases are going down and it was probably much higher just before he stopped work. They weren’t testing everyone then so we’ll never know. I know my dh isn’t as careful as me, I am constantly reminding him to wash his hands when he gets home! I just do what I can and hope for the best 😬 I think that’s all we can do
I suspect men in general are not as careful about taking precautions. Some obviously will be, but on average probably less so than women.
OP posts:
BumbleWumble · 01/07/2020 12:26

@GetUpAgain

Can he find a role working for a more responsible employer?
I'm not sure. I mean I think his boss is fairly responsible but I just wonder how possible it is on these kinds of sites to maintain the necessary distance at all times anyway. And also it depends on the other people working in the team.
OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 01/07/2020 12:27

If it helps, there’s no evidence that Covid is transmissible in the open air and construction workers - many of whom were working throughout lockdown even in the early weeks - have not been identified as a group with a higher prevalence of infection rates in the way that some other occupations have. Spending your days worrying that you’ll all be “struck down” with it is excessive, it really is.

TheDailyCarbuncle · 01/07/2020 12:28

The way I see it, you could be super super careful now and hide away and then still get it in December or sometime next year. There is absolutely no guarantee of a vaccine. There is a risk, but it's not an enormous risk, especially when you consider that there are many other risks out there that you ordinarily face every day - you carry on in spite of those because at some point you have to accept that hiding at home isn't sensible - risks are out there but there's no point in avoiding them if you can't live your life.

HappyHammy · 01/07/2020 12:29

If you can afford not to work and ate financially independent then you both have a choice to stay at home. But could it be harder to find work if he is off for a long time when others are vsck working. . covid is here for a while. I dont agree that men are not so careful, they take it very seriously where I live and work.

Bol87 · 01/07/2020 12:32

Bumble, you’ve posted a couple time’s this morning. Both very anxious sounding posts. Do you have health anxiety? And are you getting help for it? Are you over 60? Do you have underlying conditions (or your hubby)? Because if not, even if you catch, you’ll likely be totally fine. I know there are people chatting on here about long term Covid but please bear in mind that most of the population aren’t on Mumsnet. It completely skews reality. Forums attract those with health worries, anxiety etc. It’s the same with the conception forums. If you read those, you’d think everyone was having issues conceiving. But actually, that’s not the case. It’s just those who are come here seeking support. But it tilts reality.

If people want to hide until there is a vaccine, that’s their prerogative but most us don’t. If your OH can WFH, the govmt advice is that he should be. But if he can’t, then he can go back. He just needs to wash his hands frequently & if it helps your anxiety, change his clothes when he comes home!

CrazyToast · 01/07/2020 12:39

I think it is normal to worry like this. We will have to get out into the world again and it won't always be possible to stay safe. I think most people will worry a lot at first but we will get used to it.

Orangeblossom78 · 01/07/2020 12:49

Construction was mentioned as being risky was it not? So I understand your concerns.

I wonder if he could maybe pick up something else such as delivery work or work in a warehouse or responsible employer such as supermarket perhaps behind the scenes or something?

Could check online Indeed often has jobs on there. Also make sure you are getting any benefits such as UC as well.

TheDailyCarbuncle · 01/07/2020 12:52

In terms of construction, the risk of dying from an accident is much higher than the risk of contracting/dying from a virus.

BumbleWumble · 01/07/2020 13:01

@Bol87

Bumble, you’ve posted a couple time’s this morning. Both very anxious sounding posts. Do you have health anxiety? And are you getting help for it? Are you over 60? Do you have underlying conditions (or your hubby)? Because if not, even if you catch, you’ll likely be totally fine. I know there are people chatting on here about long term Covid but please bear in mind that most of the population aren’t on Mumsnet. It completely skews reality. Forums attract those with health worries, anxiety etc. It’s the same with the conception forums. If you read those, you’d think everyone was having issues conceiving. But actually, that’s not the case. It’s just those who are come here seeking support. But it tilts reality.

If people want to hide until there is a vaccine, that’s their prerogative but most us don’t. If your OH can WFH, the govmt advice is that he should be. But if he can’t, then he can go back. He just needs to wash his hands frequently & if it helps your anxiety, change his clothes when he comes home!

I am not over 60, but I do have some underlying conditions/health history that probably puts me at greater risk.

But even if I take myself and my partner out of the equation, if he brought it into the house and his very frail 90 year old mother caught it, the chances of her surviving it I imagine are almost non existent.

I do have health anxiety yes. For much of the past three and half months I have been in an extreme state of anxiety. But it seems to me this is not like other every day risks that we manage to ignore. It seems to me that eventually the vast majority of people will catch this. Yes most will have recover, but a significant number will die, be left with severe lasting damage or as you say experience the long tail version which at this point we have no idea is chronic or not.

I know there is no choice ultimately but to get on with it, I just don't know how to deal with the awful situation that will occur when it in all likelihood gets brought into the house one day. Even if he and I survive it, it would mean almost certain death for his mother.

OP posts:
Orangeblossom78 · 01/07/2020 13:04

OP there is a thread on here all about older people surviving- so possibly not.

I understand how you feel though, by DH works in manufacturing and is at risk, which is hard.

I will find the thread for you.

TheDailyCarbuncle · 01/07/2020 13:07

It is absolutely not certain death for his mother. Yes she has a higher chance of dying from it, definitely, but unfortunately she has a higher chance of dying in general, from anything, due to her age and frailty. Nearly 87% of people over 80 who get covid survive. It's not uncommon (though there aren't exact figures for it) for over-80s to be completely asymptomatic or to get it mildly. It's really worrying that people seem to have got into their heads that there's no hope - that is not true at all.

Orangeblossom78 · 01/07/2020 13:07

Also, remember that very frail 90 year olds can sadly have lots of things happen such as strokes, break a hip, sometimes left with long term care needs, old age is often a series of such things unfortunately and we are limited in how much we can protect people from illness and frailties of old age. Possibly the covid situation makes us feel we have more control over old people dying but the focus on it takes away from all the other old diseases in a way.

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/07/2020 13:09

I appreciate that this is possibly going to come across as callous, though it isn’t intended to. But a very frail 90-year-old who requires a lot of personal care is just as likely to be taken out by flu, tonsillitis, norovirus, a bad cold - any of the “ordinary” bugs and viruses which go around for most of the year. But you probably didn’t worry unduly about that prior to Covid, just took sensible precautions, and didn’t panic about going to work in case you caught something from a colleague and brought it back.

treeeeemendous · 01/07/2020 13:16

There is no way this country is sustainable if we all just stay at home. In the nicest way life has to return to normal but you and your husband need to take precautions to try and prevent MIL from catching it.

Scrupulous hygiene, do you have two toilets at all? Separate towels. Hand washing as soon as you are home. Perhaps she can go straight in the shower when he gets in from work.

Realistically at 90 there are many other things she could be affected by. Live with it, don't let it rule your life.

BumbleWumble · 01/07/2020 19:18

@turnthebiglightoff

It's not "mainly avoidable" to work I'm afraid, OP.
I meant if I could trust him to take necessary precautions the risk of catching the virus would be far less. I realise at times he would have to work fairly closely with others but from what I understand he was often left to get on with a task alone. But I think if a workmate comes up to him and gets too close he will not say anything, and will probably just stand too close to others himself.
OP posts:
BumbleWumble · 01/07/2020 21:48

[quote Orangeblossom78]www.mumsnet.com/Talk/coronavirus/3908565-Wanted-some-good-stories-about-survival-in-the-very-elderly?pg=2[/quote]
Thank you

OP posts: