What am I supposed to do in September?

[AlexTurnersCigarette]

I have two primary aged children, so both are supposed to be back full time in September.

After my separation we had no choice but to move in with my parents. Both in their early 60s, no known health issues. One a carer for an elderly parent.

I'm so scared of the DC catching something at school and passing it to my parents. I want them to go back to school but what's happening in Leicester has made me question what the truth is around children and coronavirus. I don't trust the government on any of this.

I can't homeschool them. I don't want to anyway, but I can't. I'll be working from home and can't educate them properly. They need an education.

It's not possible for me to move out with them.

I'm feeling so sad and scared about everything right now.

If the schools are open in September then they need to go.

Well no, they don’t. We don’t yet insist on children attending school.

I don’t know OP. it’s up to you. I don’t think your children or parents are in any danger from what you have said personally, but the final decision is yours.

The op has said she can’t home school.

You send them to school if you can't homeschool. You parents aren't in a high risk category at all. What do they think? Have you spoken to them?

What do your parents think?
My DC are back at school and we’re in a support bubble with my mum (early 60’s) and see her regularly. She works as a nurse in the NHS though so more risk to her there than from us.

Attendance procedures are going to be re-instated in September, so unless you off-roll them completely and home school (which you have said you can't), you will have to send them. The choice has been taken out of your hands.

Take sensible precautions like handwashing and changing clothes when they get home.
The parent who cares for an elderly parent of their own takes similar precautions too. Could even consider a mask for them to wear to reduce the risk of spread to the elderly parent.
But all in all I think as PP have said, you don't really have a choice.

Hi op. We are in a similar situation in that we live with a relative in their late 60s too. I agonised over the decision of whether to send them back. My dc has been back in school since June with the blessing of my relative. Ultimately I think anyone would agree the children’s need come first. Speak to your parents about it, are they particularly worried about the virus? The evidence I’ve seen suggests that children just don’t spread this virus like they do others. You have to remember for a healthy 60 something the chances of getting very sick are still small. I know a range of people who have had and recovered from Covid and the sickest of all (as in required ICU) was a fit 41 yr woman. I know someone in their 70s who just had flu like symptoms for a few days. You can’t put your dcs lives on hold (and indeed it sounds like you will have to send them back anyway). There will be hundreds of thousands of kids going to school and seeing their grandparents no doubt. Follow strict hygiene practices at home to reduce the risk.

Thanks for the replies.

My DM is of the opinion they should go back. Although never mind what the gov say (at this moment anyway) about it being compulsory- how is it going to work in practice when they are sent home when one of their bubble ends up isolating. It's just happened now at their school. I'm dreading September when it's back to school but how much time will they even end up being there.

I want them back too- to be with their friends and for life to be normal for them. But just feeling worried and guilty for my parents. I think I'm losing sense of perspective on it. I was carrying on in normal in feb and March and was devastated when we locked down. I do think the fear and knock on effects are worse than the virus.

Send them back and be extremely careful about hygiene? The situation may change by September, I don’t think you can plan in advance with much certainty at the moment.

OP,

I am a primary teacher not all that much younger than your parents, with an underlying health condition that puts me in the 'medically vulnerable' group, currently working in school. (My health condition is at the very mildest end, and well controlled.)

In terms of risks, the person most directly at risk is the elderly relative looked after by one of your parents, so that is the 'chain of transmission' you need to break if at all possible.

Focus very specifically on your school. Do you trust them? Do the procedures that they have in place seem sensible to you (mine are very good, which is why i am happy to be in school)?

Then think about your children. Are they reasonably able to follow routines and procedures? Are they likely to follow instructions like 'go and wash your hands before you go home'? If they are older, do they understand the need to keep a little bit more distant than others because of who they live with?

Then you need to think about procedures for the transition between home and school and vice versa. Just some suggestions based on what I am doing at the moment:

• Absolutely minimise what is transferring between the two settings each day.
• Have a place by the front door, preferably in a porch, where all 'things from school' are left.
• Discuss anything like reading books - you may be able to bring these home and 'quarantine' for 48 hours before reading them, but it may be easiest to have 'home' reading books/ Reading Eggs instead
• Children should change out of their school clothes and drop them in a laundry basket on arrival home.
• Quick shower and into 'home' clothes at that point - and that is the first time that they can come into contact with anyone else in terms of hugging, holding hands etc.
• Clean school clothes each morning
• If your children travel to and from school by car, think about that really carefully. Avoid situations where your parents are in the car shortly after the children have been brought back from school in it.
• Avoid 'extra' contacts as much as you can - if you stick to the 2 settings of home and school, rather than also clubs or playdates etc, that will minimise risk

Obviously, if local infection rates are very low in your area by September, some of the above won't be needed. However, I have found that practical hygiene routines have really helped me feel in control of the situation.

Even if your DParents were formally shielding (with letter) it is officially OK for them to cohabit with school-going children.

So there will be no official leeway for you, and I think the infection control advice that has been posted is spot on.

Families with a paused, formerly shielded person (pupil or household member) are also grappling with how to return safely to school. The government advice is that the pupil should, if possible, wash their hands frequently and distance themselves if they can.

I am going to be immune supressed in September, which will put me in the shielding category.

I have spoke to my children's schools and we have agreed to talk in September and make a decision then depending on Covid numbers etc. Both schools said we weren't the only families in this situation and they would continue to support our children whatever.

Good post @cantkeepawayforever.

I suppose I do have the choice to de-register- I will be working myself but my parents don't work so they would (especially my mum) be able to 'home school'. I don't want this though- I want them to go back. Just without the fear and the guilt.

I have tried my best to home school them since March but this is not what I'd choose for myself or the DC. I'm wondering what school will even be like in September!

My DS will be going into Y1 so still very young- hard to get them to remember all the hygiene.

Lots of other things around coronavirus that have caused me issues and my mental health is not good with it this morning, hence posting I think. I don't know how to get through the next months/year/who knows how long. Wasn't in a great place to start with tbh!

My DS will be going into Y1 so still very young- hard to get them to remember all the hygiene

Mine are reception (summer born so not 5 yet) and year 1, and are back at school. School have done a fantastic job of making sure school is a great experience for them despite the changes, and are gently reinforcing hygiene measures at all times.

Sorry posted too soon! Mine have adapted really well and don’t seem bothered by it all at all. The only slight issue is that DD1 has sore hands from all the hand washing (school soap isn’t very gentle) but we have bought some cream to help.

Thank you for your help btw- @cantkeepawayforever that's all great advice. I feel for teachers in this all as well, I really do 💐

I know it sounds bad but I hate all the extra hygiene stuff! I mean of course I do it and I've always made the DC wash their hands whenever they get home from school and after going out, I do the same myself. I used to be very over-anxious of them catching sick bugs and was a bit of a germ phobe but as time as gone on I've got much better at being a bit calmer and basically not bleaching everything in sight and accepting they will pick bugs up at school. This has sent me right back to worrying but it's obviously even worse.

I am going to be immune supressed in September, which will put me in the shielding category

Shielding is pausing from 1 August, so there is no officially-endorsed reason to do anything differently to anyone else

I am currently shielding and my DD will return to school in September. We won’t be able to completely isolate within the home, but we shall minimise physical contact (which is sad) and school things will be carried straight into her room without touching anywhere else and then she will change and wash before coming in to the rest of the house - and on all other exits from her bedroom.

Windows and back door open as much as possible, cleaning high-touch surfaces frequently, hoping for the best

School is aware, and I hope to remain in touch with them about what DD’s school day will be like. But I don’t think there’s a final plan yet, do doubt we can have a sensible conversation about it until just before they go back

Shielding is pausing from 1 August, so there is no officially-endorsed reason to do anything differently to anyone else

I am not talking about an offical reason.
I am talking about the fact that I will have no way to fight off anything and certain illness, like Covid are more likely to kill me. My school recognizes that this might require addition support in September.

My parents are on the offical shielding list and have no intention of stopping until the Covid numbers have dropped very low or a vaccine is ready.

Op there are many of us who are worried about September.

I worry because my dc really need to get back to socialising and education and the new normal as people call it.

I'm back to work next week and I work very closely with people so am feeling the nerves a lot this week so understand where your coming from.

We don't live with grandparents luckily but one set are a lot older as in late seventies and mid eighties and they insist on going out and about and not really being that concerned to be honest which does annoy me as we are and have been trying to protect them for months at a massive loss to a lot of people.

The best thing is to be rigid with the hygiene thing op.

I've got new set of clothes for every day for myself and when I get home from work each day I have put a pile of shorts/vests in bathroom cupboard so I can get straight into the shower and put clothes in the wash.
That and I make sure we also sanitise our hands before we walk into the house.

Keep school bags together in a downstairs cupboard and just put them back in there as soon as you get in the door etc.

Hopefully come September it will have settled more than it has already

think I'm losing sense of perspective on it

I think you are too. Send them back. Especially if your mum thinks it's a good idea. Reinforce with the kids that they need to wash their hands often.

Probably an unpopular view but flip it the other way.... would your Parents and Grandparents be happy that you are sacrificing your DC education and socialistation to save a possible (not certain) risk to their health? I know mine would go mad at the idea.
You just need to be on top of hygiene which from PP it seems you are already. It's a scary time and it's ok to feel nervous and apprehensive but you need to sit down with a calm mind and think things through rationally and practically and then decide what's best to do

OP, honestly, once they go back it all feels OK again. I sent my DD back to nursery when they reopened & the first week felt pretty strange & I was frantically washing all our hands & undressed my daughter when she arrived home & washed her clothes. By the end of week two, I wasn’t doing any of that! It’s now just normal. I no longer feel anxious at all. I do wash our hands regularly, I know that’s important but I don’t get her undressed or immediately wash her clothes!

My mum is shielding due to high dose steroids and she’s been the biggest advocate of getting schools back. She’s a former teacher & she thinks it’s heartbreaking children are missing out on nearly a year of education for an illness that barely affects them. Yes, they can catch it & spread it but they aren’t getting very ill. Mind you, my shielding mum has decided to get her haircut on Saturday & regularly has friends in the garden 🙈

If your parents are OK with it OP, then I’d send them back. They know the risks and are adults. I think you’ll find many Grandparents would fall on the side of children not having to sacrifice education & happiness over an illness that may or may not kill them..

@cantkeepawayforever has given you the advice that health care workers were given at the beginning of the whole thing. I was in school for various days all along, and I've done the same too. I have been slacker with it recently as the community infections have reduced both near where I live, and where I work. If that changes, then I'll up them again.

My child is back at school in a bubble of 12. She has clean clothes everyday and we leave her bag and hat hung in the porch.

It feels 'safe'. As someone else says up there, once you're back in it, you're back in it and it very quickly feels 'ok'. In fact, this is what the government is relying on for teaching and school staff for September, and gambling on parents agreeing with.