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Original poster

Its just hit me

37 replies

GruffaloandMouse · 29/06/2020 22:55

Things aren’t going to be the same again for a long time are they?
My mental health is spiralling. I already had pre existing anxiety and depression and it’s becoming much worse.

I have a 22 month old and I can’t believe I won’t be able to take him to a playgroup any time soon.
Gone are the days when I would sit drinking tea with other mums while watching my DS play with other toddlers.
I have enrolled him into a local nursery one day a week, for socialisation mainly.
But the playgroups helped my mental health, kept me sane, kept me afloat. Helped me have a routine.

My family don’t live nearby, I haven’t seen them since February.
My DP’s parents are supportive and helpful but it’s not the same.

I was on the list for counselling, no one seems to know when face to face counselling with resume.

I keep having flashbacks to times before all this, I get a pang of sadness when I realise things aren’t going to go back to normality for months or even years. I feel so sad for my son and the world he’s growing up in. He’s missed so much already. I’m so angry at everything. I don’t know what to do Sad

Some days I have some very dark thoughts.

OP posts:
JudithGrimesHat · 29/06/2020 22:58

It’s really crap isn’t it. I was fine until a few weeks ago and then I was hit by a wave of anxiety that hasn’t really left me since then.

JudithGrimesHat · 29/06/2020 23:00

We will get through this though. These times will pass.

With regards to your counselling lots of places are doing it over the phone now.

crossstitchingnana · 29/06/2020 23:00

Me too. I feel so despondent. Back to work next week, in a job I hate. It's going to be around for years.

YouokHun · 29/06/2020 23:26

I know face to face counselling or therapy is ideal but you should be able to access support online (via phone or via video conferencing) at the moment. Online support is what the NHS (IAPT) are offering now as are many private counsellors and therapists. Perhaps it would be better to start getting some support now even if it’s online, rather than wait for face to face. I’m a CBT therapist and in private practice we are being told to stay online for now with review around September. I imagine it’s the same for a lot of counsellors.

CovoidanceMechanism · 29/06/2020 23:28

Are your dark thoughts about suicide?

eatthepineapple · 30/06/2020 07:47

I'm sorry to hear you feel this way. I have waves of thinking "ah it will be back to normal soon" and then realising that it could well not be. We just don't know do we, so makes it hard to mentally prepare. I think you have done the right thing in enrolling your little one in nursery. It will also give you some space to maybe meet a friend for (socially distanced) coffee or something maybe? Or just chill time even.

We have been letting our toddler play with just 2 other children (neighbours) as we felt it was badly effecting her and didn't want to cause long term damage to her social skills (plus we felt it was silly that we could send her to nursery with loads of others but not play with these two occasionally).

I think you need to contact your health visitor or GP. I have gone through times like this and didn't - I don't know why, and when I've come out the other side I always thought I should probably have just said something.

eatthepineapple · 30/06/2020 07:49

I should add we only fairly recently started letting them play. I still feel guilty about it sometimes as I am quite a rule keeper but it just was heartbreaking having to keep them apart as they don't understand. Turns out when they play normally they aren't exactly touching each other all the time anyway!

BlusteryLake · 30/06/2020 07:57

There will be a massive shift in September when we return to cmpulsory education. That's not too far off, just about 8 weeks. Lots of things will return then as the people who run them often have school aged children.

Catastrofuck · 30/06/2020 08:02

“ Turns out when they play normally they aren't exactly touching each other all the time anyway!”

Yy toddlers mostly play in parallel.

“ Lots of things will return then as the people who run them often have school aged children.”

People are terrified of toddlers because they can’t distance. They aren’t welcome anywhere. Are toddler groups going to start up again any time soon? Will we be able to do free or low cost indoor activities such as the library or museums over the winter? I just don’t know, given how nuts people go when you take one in a supermarket, even strapped into a buggy

totallyyesno · 30/06/2020 08:05

This totally isn't a boast but I felt really like you a month ago. It seemed so endless. Now I'm on holiday, we are seeing friends and things are, well not back to normal, but so much better. It has started to feel normal to go out again and it is wonderful. The UK is a bit further behind us in the number of cases but you will get there soon!

YaYaDingDong · 30/06/2020 08:08

You do all realise that there are plenty of other deadly diseases around, and that these don't keep us confined to barracks? "Ordinary" flu for instance. That kills hundreds of millions worldwide every year. Thousands in this country. Life will be back to normal sooner than you think. The country, and other countries, will have to prioritise the economy.

megletthesecond · 30/06/2020 08:09

But blustery when school kids start getting ill everything will be on local lockdowns again. We'll have a mix of C-19 and every winter bug doing the rounds. (Sorry, being depressing I know).

LIZS · 30/06/2020 08:09

Are there any outdoor playgroups or other mums you can meet with in a park? Buggyfit may start up in smaller groups. Is your local children's centre open for advice or your hv may know of activities. Not the same but a start perhaps. Many playgroups close over summer anyway.

megletthesecond · 30/06/2020 08:12

We have a vaccine for flu and understand what that virus does.

Cusano34 · 30/06/2020 08:12

I feel the same most of the time ... I have family in Italy though and they’re as close to normal as possible again so I have hope we can follow them. They’re working, visiting friends and family, going on holidays, bars and restaurants are open, and so far I don’t think there’s been a spike or wave in cases (fingers crossed!)

DreamingofSunshine · 30/06/2020 08:18

I can relate, and similarly upped DS' hours at nursery. I'd prefer to be doing fun activities with him and I've taken him to NT properties etc but he really needs interaction with other children. He's an only child with his cousins living abroad and I don't have any local friends with children.

Remember things have changed a lot in a few months and they could change again soon.

Catastrofuck · 30/06/2020 08:19

I am talking about over the winter myself. We have an outdoor playgroup but it’s not on every day.

YaYaDingDong free and low cost activities for toddlers are hardly going to be prioritised in terms of the economy. Most of these things are costs to local councils or volunteer-run and the “safety measures” they are supposed to put in place for toddlers (which personally I think is a bit of a nonsense) will be extra costly. I really really hope they do return to normal.

CountFosco · 30/06/2020 08:21

"Ordinary" flu for instance. That kills hundreds of millions worldwide every year.

No it doesn't. In a typical year under 500,000 die of flu. In 'pandemic' years (e.g. Swine Flu, AsianFlu, Hong Kong Flu) it's 1-2 million. Spanish Flu killed ~50 million making it the biggest killer since the Black Death. And the world's population was much greater in 1918 than the 14th century.

Nihiloxica · 30/06/2020 08:29

@megletthesecond

We have a vaccine for flu and understand what that virus does.
There isn't one flu.

Every year they make a guess of what strains of the flu virus will be common and the vaccine mostly protects against those.

Some years they are right, other years they are wrong. Tens of thousands of people die in the UK. And still we don't shut down society.

Flu is more dangerous to people under 50 than Covid.

Lockdowns are immoral.

CarlaH · 30/06/2020 08:34

Although people keep saying things are getting back to normal in places like Spain and Italy I am afraid that if people have to wear masks it's very definitely not normal to me.

I am claustrophobic and would really struggle with a mask. So I won't be going anywhere and will have to pray that I don't need any dentistry or medical attention.

bigdecisionstomake · 30/06/2020 08:42

My DP having his first face to face counselling session today so some are doing face to face if you have a look.

Bolloxx · 30/06/2020 08:54

YaYaDingDong

You do all realise that there are plenty of other deadly diseases around, and that these don't keep us confined to barracks? "Ordinary" flu for instance. That kills hundreds of millions worldwide every year.

Why do people insist on spouting ridiculous false statistics. It just makes the writer look stupid; they are unable to research facts independently and pass misinformation on to others, who also don't understand how to research facts.

I can understand people not understanding statistics, but who the hell picks these arbitrary figures out of thin air. What are you trying to achieve question mark

Cusano34 · 30/06/2020 08:55

@CarlaH only masks in supermarkets where my family are from in the south.

Bolloxx · 30/06/2020 08:56

ME: What are you trying to achieve question mark

Apologies for the punctuation failures. I use speech to text and sometimes it fails to up the correct instructions.

YaYaDingDong · 30/06/2020 08:56

Those aren't ridiculous statistics. That's a fact. Flu does kill millions a year.