Family visiting to meet baby

[Carbis]

Our baby was born in early March. After about a week, we realised the situation was getting quite serious so stopped people visiting ahead of lockdown. That means very few people got to meet the baby. He is 16 weeks old now.

Now that the restrictions are easing, my father in law and his wife are asking when they can come and visit. They live in Northern Ireland and we are in England so they’d have to fly and stay with us.

I’m feeling quite unsure about the situation. I thought as soon as the rules changed, I’d feel comfortable following government advice but I’m still uneasy. But I know they are desperate to meet him and feel like I’m the only one who is still worried.

We have booked to go and visit them in August, travelling by ferry so I’m tempted to say we should wait until then. At least then, we’ll have seen the impact of easing restrictions and can make a decision based on that.

Am I being too cautious?!

Hi- I guess you are up and awake due to feeding your little one! I’ve been awake since 2am with our 3 week old.

I guess it depends on what they mean by ‘meet’ is that a socially distance meet in your garden? Or staying at your house and cuddling the baby etc..

I certainly won’t let any family cuddle our new DD just yet- like you just don’t feel comfortable with that at all. It’s sad for family but I’d rather be safe than sorry. You aren’t the only one who’s still worried. Luckily none of our family expect to hold her yet. They just sit in our garden 2m away etc...

The restrictions still mean they can’t hold the baby so depends if they are happy to travel all that way to sit 2m apart or not? I would be wary that they would be expecting cuddles.

@flissity congratulations on your little one! We haven’t had a night like last night for a while - he had his jabs yesterday so was really hot and unsettled. Very unfortunate timing with the weather!

Oh they’ll definitely be expecting to hold him. There isn’t space in our house to be 2m apart either. Maybe the rules will be a good enough reason after all. Thank you!

Use the rules. At the moment they can't hold baby and as of the 4th they must be at least 1 metre away and still can't hold baby, I'd also insist on a 2 week quarantine if they are flying, but that's just me, would feel better if they used a ferry. Your baby your rules, they are better off waiting till you visit in August, it really is not that far away.

It’s so hard. He’s only tiny for such a short time, I can understand why they are desperate for a cuddle.

The trip is August is a whole other minefield but I’m putting off worrying about that for now!

I think you have to calculate the risk for yourself. Have they been socially distancing from others? Are they in a risky job? Can they social distance when they travel.
If you are happy with these then I’d let them hold your baby. It might not be in the ‘guidelines’ but we are human beings and those initial contacts with a baby are important. Perhaps ask them to wear masks, wash hands well and be outdoors. The risk to the baby is very small even if he got it.

Also this virus is here to stay for now. We all have to be make sensible decisions for ourselves. And I say that as someone who has stuck to the lockdown rules and some.

I have a baby born 7th March and I feel the same as you. I'm happy to have our parents come see us and hold her as I know they're both being very careful. However everyone else is a socially distanced garden meeting.

In your situation it would be the airplane and the staying over I wouldn't like.

It's obviously up to you what you're comfortable with both in terms of the risk from the virus and breaking the social distancing guidelines. Personally, I'm trying to give my 3 month old as normal an experience as possible including being held by close family. My reasoning is that if this was a disease which only affects children in the way it currently affects them we wouldn't have imposed any of the lockdown restrictions and most people wouldn't generally be preventing family from seeing their babies. I also think that preventing a baby seeing any faces other than those of their parents for most of their first year might affect their development. This is a time when babies are learning to process images and particularly faces and it seems very unnatural to restrict this so much.

I think you have to ask yourself how you will feel if cases stay at roughly the current level for the foreseeable future, which seems fairly likely, and the guidance on keeping 1m+ apart remains in place. Will you be comfortable for your baby not to meet family and be held by anyone other than you a 6 months / 9 months / 1 year, for example and is there are point where the benefits outweigh the risk?

For me it would be the fact they have been through the airport that would make me say no - I think that they were one of the hotspots that helped to cause the massive spread of the disease here so I would want them to be on quarantine for 2 weeks afterwards before they came to us- sounds like that can’t happen so it would be a no from me.

Not sure if I would be happy with ferry travel either - sorry! I can see that it’s probably lower risk than air travel but not sure that I would want to risk it with a young baby for a long time... I would class myself as a worrywort though!

Travelling by plane and staying with me would be a no. If they can stay in a nearby hotel and have socially distanced visits to satisfy them that's as far as it would go for me. Aside from knowing honestly how careful they are being t home in the period before travelling, then being in an airport, correctly using masks and not taking them off to have meals and drinks or because they are hot, uncomfortable etc and then going on the plane too is a huge concern, as is then staying with you in a confined space. That would really worry me.the worry would completely overshadow the trip and turn me into a shouting lunatic. I can understand how desperate they are of course, but some things have to wait.

We’ve managed to put them off. I made the point that we are going to a lot of effort to get the ferry over, what’s the point of that if they are going to come by plane a few weeks before.