DP and I disagreement about wedding

[Lockdowners]

DP and I are due to get married at the end of September. Wouldn’t lose a huge amount if we postponed. I would be happy to go ahead with it with the 30 people or am fine postponing but want to make a clear decision either way. DP thinks we will be able to go ahead with our original plan of 100 by then and wants to plan for that but would not want to go ahead with 30. The other spanner in the works is that we want to start TTC in September and I don’t want to delay that (or get married while pregnant or breastfeeding) so the wedding might be postponed for a very long time which neither of us are keen on.

What would you do in our shoes?

Get married in September with fewer people and have a big party at a later date to include everyone.

*as long as you both agree and won't have any regrets. Bigger weddings may be allowed by then.

This is what I would like to do but DP is very sure he doesn’t and it’s his day too. Just wish we knew either way

DP thinks we will be able to go ahead with our original plan of 100 by then and wants to plan for that but would not want to go ahead with 30

And why not? As long as YOU are there, what does it matter whether 70 extra people attend? 30 is enough to include parents, siblings, a few other close family and friends to witness your marriage.

To your DP is getting married about making a lifelong commitment and prioritising starting a family, or is he more concerned about a piss up with his mates.

How disrespectful to you.

BIL has been told that the 30 number is only for religious ceremonies. Different rules apply to secular services. A dear friend getting married in August 2021 has been advised that "large gatherings" may still not be permitted. Just putting this out as a caveat.

I think it depends on what importance the wedding is to you both. Is the party more important than the vows? Is being married important before TTC? I believe in sacramental marriage (religious stuff) so I personally would go for a smaller ceremony. But of the 7 weddings in June - September that I know about in my circle all but one have postponed.

30 is enough to include parents, siblings, a few other close family and friends to witness your marriage.

Maybe if you've got a small family or aren't really that close, or don't have many friends, but that's not the case for a lot of people. Our "must have" wedding guest list was 70 people.

The 30 guests aren't even allowed to congregate outside the church for photos or anything. Would be just the service and no party at all. I wouldn't want that. It's supposed to be a celebration and wouldn't feel very celebratory to me. No singing either.

@Carlislemumof4 the more i read your comment the more bonkers it seems to me. I don't think it's unreasonable at all for OP's fiance to want a big wedding with all his loved ones! Is he supposed to not give a fuck about his own wedding just because he's a man?

I think it's a risk if he thinks big weddings will be allowed by September. I doubt there will be much more loosening of the restrictions for a while apart from maybe allowing swimming pools and gyms to open up I agree he needs to agree either postpone or have a smaller wedding. Having a small ceremony now and bigger party when things are back to normal sounds a good idea.

I really don't think you will be able to have a big wedding in September.

As others have said the 30 guests is for the ceremony only and they need to be socially distanced. I think some venues are stating lower numbers because of this.

You might be able to have a meal or outside gathering afterwards but that will be subject to the maximum numbers permitted at that time. Isn't it 6 people from 4th July who could meet in a pub or restaurant.

If the big party is what matters to you then you would probably be better off postponing.

If it was me I think I'd go ahead with a very small ceremony simply to get married. I'd then hold a big party a year later to get all the originally intended guests together.

It's going to be a very personal decision as to whether you delay TTC or not. I guess your age will be part of that decision.

Maybe start TTC as planned and potentially have a delayed wedding party and christening all at the same time next year!

Would just get married. It’s one day. His preference for a large wedding party doesn’t seem a v strong reason to postpone the marriage, compared with yours to avoid uncertainty, expense and health risks for yourselves and your guests, and to be married before ttc.