Mat leave support

[Napqueen1234]

I know there’s been a few threads on this and the outcome is usually we should be grateful for our health (of course) and mat leave is for bonding with baby (of course!) and recovering. But does anyone else on mat leave fancy a little moan? It’s been so different to planned as my 4 year old has been home all the time needing lots of attention and home schooling which has made it a lot harder. At 6 months DC2 sleep has gone to shit so I’m up every hour or so and really struggling with sleep deprivation and obviously can’t have family etc to help or have DC1 to support.

I understand lockdown it’s all unbelievably sad but I do just feel so sad that it’s been so much harder than it should or could have been (I think that applies to everyone in any walk of life tbf). Friends and family before said it’s hard when you have two, take all the help you can, get out and meet friends and baby groups etc and all those coping mechanisms weren’t available. I’ve had bad PND this time linked to lockdown and stress and while CBT has helped I think I’ll always be sad that I never enjoyed my baby at this time as it’s almost been another thing to stress about instead of a joy. I feel awful writing that and saying that but it’s how I feel.

I am trying to home school a 4 year old and a 7 year old whilst caring for a a 7 week old on my own now my partner back at work. I am trying to be grateful but it is hard work. I am not bothered about missing baby classes etc, I just want my mam. After lots of grandsons in our family she finally has a grand daughter and has missed out on her being a newborn. It is really sad and it is ok to feel sad and stressed x

I hear you... 6 week old here and I'm really sad that mat leave is not how I'd planned. My friend had a baby at the same time as me and we had planned lots of meetups with the babies. I know its such a small problem in the grand scheme of things but it doesnt change how I feel.

Thanks @Jrobhatch29 and @secretllama nice to know we are all in a similar situation! I think it’s the PND but what keeps getting to me is that none of my family know my DC2 compared to how much contact and love they had for DC1 at this time. I send pics but she’s gone from a squishy newborn to a proper sitting rolling eating baby in this time and it’s like everyone has missed it and I worry people won’t care about her as much. I know it’s ridiculous but it just upsets me so much.

OP
I worry about the same. It might be irrational but I worry the grandparents will have a better bond with their other grandkids as they 'know' them more xx

I had my second two days before lockdown. It’s been very intense & hard. I’ve cried, I’ve been angry, I’ve been disappointed. I’ve desperately needed some help/support at times. Newborn sleep deprivation & a 3 year old at home with no break was a killer.

But now I’m fine actually. I think it’s a combination of my newborn turning 3 months & getting significantly easier to juggle with a 3 year old. My 3 year old has gone back to nursery. My parents & friends come for lunch in the garden while DD1 is at nursery. I even take her to the shops if I really need to pop in for an essential. Life feels OK. And today’s announcement means we can finally take her to meet her family who all live 5 hours away. I cried. I do still feel sad that I probably won’t get to do baby sensory, swim classes and music classes I so enjoyed with my first but I’m trying to reason in reality, they were more for my benefit!

And I do feel desperately sad my mum can’t hold DD2 & my in-laws are yet to meet her but we speak all the time to zoom. They still love her just as much, of course they do, she’s a new family member. DD2 has no idea what’s going on in the world, she just smiles at her Nanny from a distance & hopefully, we can see them a bit more now & the relationship can develop. I’m actually more concerned for my 3 year old who realises she hasn’t seen Nanny for a long time & really misses her.

And I try look at the biggest positive of all that my OH has been WFH & able to spend so much more time with DD2 than he ever did DD1. I felt extreme loneliness with DD1 & not at all this time.

I hope you can grasp some of the positives OP. Life is def a bit easier now & you can go for nice day trips with your family, see friends, stay at houses very soon! It sucks that maternity leave isn’t what any of us wanted but the best thing I’ve found to do is to accept it. It can’t be changed. It’s no-ones fault. It is what it is. When this is all over, we’ll still be parents & there’ll be all the time in the world to make up for it!

My baby is 13 weeks - born day 1 of lockdown. I feel really sad that my family have missed the newborn phase - she is far out of that now and nobody but my husband and I got to have new baby cuddles.
My 3 year old was supposed to be at preschool 2 mornings a week, so I would have time to spend with the baby and go out and do baby classes etc. Well she has been off the whole time and is missing preschool but they arent going back until september.

Ironically I've found the opposite, lockdown has released me from all the pressures of what I felt like I 'should' have been doing and let me have the time to enjoy my kids. It's definitely been hard work having the older one at home with the baby full time but I'm grateful I'm not at work at the moment and can stay home without worrying about childcare etc.

@Bol87 what a positive approach I definitely need to try and focus more on the positives. I don’t think it helps that my family are far away so even when people could meet in gardens and stuff it wasn’t practical to do a 3 hour trip to sit outside so it’s only now I’ll be able to catch up with them. It has been hard and as you said we just need to accept that and move on.

I have a 4 year old and a nearly 5 month old, I'm sad this hasn't been the maternity leave I planned for, I'm also worried about going back to work as I haven't left my baby at all and grandparents who are due to look after her obviously barely know her. Hoping we can get out and about a bit now things have eased

@mrscatmad31 that’s another worry of mine my DC will be going to nursery in October and I feel it’ll be such a huge shock after virtually no socialisation before then. Going to try and get some in but I don’t really have mums friends with similar age babies as haven’t managed to meet any yet and no baby groups so it’s difficult.

Hi,I have a 4 week old and feel the same. I have an 11 year old and was really looking forward to doing some baby groups again with the new baby. I'm hoping with today's announcement that some baby groups may start back up over the next few months....BJ has said libraries can open so I wonder if any baby groups will start to run again. I defo think some groups could begin again outside maybe? I'm currently signed up to doing baby massage,a singing group and baby sensory via zoom but god, I'd love to be able to get out to some groups.

Actually,another question for you all...what are you doing about letting grandparents/relatives holding the baby?

7 week old baby, no one else has held him yet but think we are going to relax that for grandparents this weekend. We're not going out anywhere (dh works from home, we get click and collect orders etc) and have only seen people from 2m so far, parents also fairly careful so risk is low.