Please, someone tell me how you cope.

[Lou0808]

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, I guess I just really need to get this off of my chest.

I have health anxiety and OCD.

I had a baby 18 weeks ago. My health anxiety and OCD were both well managed, but the start of the pandemic really took its toll on me.

I was a priority to start CBT so this started a number of weeks ago and I have a weekly video call with a therapist.

It is helping and I'm trying to follow her advice and overcome my feelings.

But honestly, it all just feels so hard and as much as Im trying, I'm having days where I just want to scream because I feel so overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts and worries.

I like everyone else followed the advice to say at home, wash my hands etc.

I read a post at the start of the pandemic which said to treat everyone as if they have Covid, and now that's how I live. 😞

The rules were relaxed a few weeks ago about seeing family outdoors, but I haven't seen anyone. Not even my mum.

I have a group of mummy friends I met at antenatal classes, they're all meeting regularly in the park for socially distanced walks, I don't go.😔

I'm so frightened of catching Covid and losing my life.

My husband has been wfh and last week they contacted him to say he has to return to the office.

As much as I don't want DD and DH to be separated, I'm considering moving out.

We've spent weeks and weeks being so careful, we haven't even stepped foot in a supermarket during all this, and now he has to go and sit in an office with 10 other people, 9 hours a day 5 days a week!!!

I just can't live with this worry about catching it.
It hasn't gone away, the threat is still there, but life is moving so fast.

I've spend weeks convinced we'd all be locked in doors for years to come.

I'm just not ready to be back out in the world constantly having to worry about Covid.

I get awful thoughts and images of catching it, being in hospital, being separated from my baby.

I just don't know what more I can do to help myself.
I do all of my CBT "homework" but I'm still struggling.

We went for a walk this morning on what should've been a lovely Father's Day walk, but I panicked and we turned back.

I really don't know what I'm looking for from this post.

I guess I just need to write this down and tell "someone" how I feel. 😞

Can you find out why you have health anxiety? I also have mild health anxiety, and it is because I worry if I get too ill I might lose my job, hence not be able to afford my current lifestyle.

I find meditation life-changing and remember that there are millions of people suffer from the same as you.

I recommend "When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times"
by Pema Chodron to you. It helps me massively and I especially love the chapter about embracing the feeling of groundless.

I can't help you with the anxiety but if your DH can work from home why is he being told he needs to go back to the office? That is not in accordance with guidelines. He needs to push back on that.

You need to speak to your GP and health visitor and get support for your anxiety. I had it when mine were tiny like yours. It's ok it really is. I totally understand the wanting to isolate yourself with your baby but it won't help you adjust. Life does have to return to normal at some point and you still protect yourself without needing to stay completely isolated. Ask your DH to explain what is in place to help keep him safe at work, try and see and speak to friends. Consider anti anxiety AD meds like Sertraline. It will help.

No advice but I also have a lockdown baby and feel same.

Getting (perhaps irrationally) angry at people “swanning about” and “flocking” places because if Boris says it it must be true.

I know that probably makes me a “dementor” or whatever the fuck but people are fucking me right off expecting things to be back to normal.

That sounds so tough Lou. I'm sorry you're having these worries.

I think it's different with health anxiety and OCD to 'regular' anxiety but the most important thing for me is checking lots and lots of positive news. Things like looking at how the numbers are dropping, Karol Sikora's twitter feed, the anti-dementor threads on here, the statistics of who is actually dying of the virus (the average age is 82 I think and the vast majority who have died had several other health conditions on average). It also helps to do mindfulness because that encourages you to stop and realise the fear you're experiencing isn't 'real' it's just being generated by the brain and can be calmed down. Because while the virus does kill people, cases and deaths are dropping with every passing week and not only do very very few people have it now but if you did get it, you'd be exceptionally unlucky to have a serious case of it.

I hope you find a way through this. Your baby is so young and exhaustion is bound to be making everything worse. Be kind to yourself. Having a young baby in a pandemic is a very challenging thing.

@cologne4711

I can't help you with the anxiety but if your DH can work from home why is he being told he needs to go back to the office? That is not in accordance with guidelines. He needs to push back on that.

There isn't a reason, other than some grumpy old fart in his office is complaining about people working from home so he's been asked to go back in. 😞

@TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair

That sounds so tough Lou. I'm sorry you're having these worries.

I think it's different with health anxiety and OCD to 'regular' anxiety but the most important thing for me is checking lots and lots of positive news. Things like looking at how the numbers are dropping, Karol Sikora's twitter feed, the anti-dementor threads on here, the statistics of who is actually dying of the virus (the average age is 82 I think and the vast majority who have died had several other health conditions on average). It also helps to do mindfulness because that encourages you to stop and realise the fear you're experiencing isn't 'real' it's just being generated by the brain and can be calmed down. Because while the virus does kill people, cases and deaths are dropping with every passing week and not only do very very few people have it now but if you did get it, you'd be exceptionally unlucky to have a serious case of it.

I hope you find a way through this. Your baby is so young and exhaustion is bound to be making everything worse. Be kind to yourself. Having a young baby in a pandemic is a very challenging thing.

It's so tough isn't it.

OCD is so hard to live with. 😔

@LividLaughLovely

No advice but I also have a lockdown baby and feel same.

Getting (perhaps irrationally) angry at people “swanning about” and “flocking” places because if Boris says it it must be true.

I know that probably makes me a “dementor” or whatever the fuck but people are fucking me right off expecting things to be back to normal.

Maybe try and reframe that. I’m not ‘flocking’ anywhere because ‘Boris says I can’. I am however starting to live my life again because the aim of lockdown was to slow down transmission of the virus and that has been achieved. I am still taking reasonable precautions, as are the vast majority of people I know. Genuine question, what is the alternative? Wait until it was been completely eradicated? The aim of lockdown was to allow people to start living their normal life again.

But sorry, in response to the OP, @TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair has some very good advice. It is a tough time for everyone, but especially so in your circumstances.

I take my hat off to you living with it. I have pretty bad anxiety but not OCD but a close friend has it and it's been so eye-opening seeing how horrendous it is for her. I think you're heroes.

I think op your therapy isn’t working, I’m sorry, you need to speak to your doctor and explain how serious it is and how it’s impacting your life and your families. There will be other things they can do to help you.

Mental Illness is just like a physical one if the initial treatment is not working you need to tell your doctor.

@Bluntness100

I think op your therapy isn’t working, I’m sorry, you need to speak to your doctor and explain how serious it is and how it’s impacting your life and your families. There will be other things they can do to help you.

Mental Illness is just like a physical one if the initial treatment is not working you need to tell your doctor.

How soon is it supposed to start working?

I'm on week 6.

@TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair

I take my hat off to you living with it. I have pretty bad anxiety but not OCD but a close friend has it and it's been so eye-opening seeing how horrendous it is for her. I think you're heroes.

Anxiety I can just about cope with, OCD, it can honestly be debilitating.😔

I have a lockdown baby also, literally born 2 days before it started. But I’m out living ‘life’ as much as is allowed. Honesty, there’s more chance of your baby becoming seriously ill from measles or chicken pox than Covid. Similarly, assuming you are in the younger age bracket of 20-40, there’s an equal to more chance of dying from something else as opposed to Covid. It’s not a deadly disease for the vast vast majority of people. Way more people don’t have the virus than have it at any one time. Basically, we need to remain cautious but not be terrified. Life needs to return to a slow, careful normality.

However, I know anxiety isn’t rational. I don’t suffer but I do have an extreme phobia of vomiting. Which is kinda similar. I know it won’t kill me, it’s just very unpleasant but I literally pass out in fear when I feel like I might throw up. It’s rubbish & always at the back of my mind. But CBT & my one determination got me to the point where I can get over my obtrusive thoughts 99% of the time. And I’ve been living a normal, happy life for a good 10 years now. I’m not longer controlled by my phobia, For example, my daughter goes to nursery 3 days a week. Every single week my mind ticks over the possibility of her catching a stomach bug & I do breathe a sigh of relief come Friday when she’s fine! But my worries don’t overtake my day. I think about it, tell myself it’s out of my control & what will be will be & then move on with my day. I understand now that my phobia comes from a place of being afraid to not be in control. And something like a virus is totally out of my control. And overcoming that was the key. It’s OK to not be in control. It’s OK that sometimes we will get ill. When it happens, I’ll deal with it & I will survive. And it’s the same for Covid. 99% of people will get ill, deal with it & survive.

I would never allow my phobia to stop my children living a full & happy life. My daughter loves nursery. And frankly we have no choice but to send her so we can work & pay the bills. Similarly, I happily eat out in cafes & restaurants as I’ve learnt to overcome the teeny tiny risk that I could pick up food poisoning. I just get on with life now. Risk is everywhere. But life is short. And there is so much to live for once you have kids.

Continue to seek help OP. Anxiety & kids go hand in hand as they grow up, gag when weaning, throw themselves off sofas & beds, run head first into chaos, bang their heads, get chest infections, coughs, colds, chicken pox, sick bugs .. you need to be able to cope with these situations & not stifle your child with your anxieties.

You can do it 😊

@Bol87

I have a lockdown baby also, literally born 2 days before it started. But I’m out living ‘life’ as much as is allowed. Honesty, there’s more chance of your baby becoming seriously ill from measles or chicken pox than Covid. Similarly, assuming you are in the younger age bracket of 20-40, there’s an equal to more chance of dying from something else as opposed to Covid. It’s not a deadly disease for the vast vast majority of people. Way more people don’t have the virus than have it at any one time. Basically, we need to remain cautious but not be terrified. Life needs to return to a slow, careful normality.

However, I know anxiety isn’t rational. I don’t suffer but I do have an extreme phobia of vomiting. Which is kinda similar. I know it won’t kill me, it’s just very unpleasant but I literally pass out in fear when I feel like I might throw up. It’s rubbish & always at the back of my mind. But CBT & my one determination got me to the point where I can get over my obtrusive thoughts 99% of the time. And I’ve been living a normal, happy life for a good 10 years now. I’m not longer controlled by my phobia, For example, my daughter goes to nursery 3 days a week. Every single week my mind ticks over the possibility of her catching a stomach bug & I do breathe a sigh of relief come Friday when she’s fine! But my worries don’t overtake my day. I think about it, tell myself it’s out of my control & what will be will be & then move on with my day. I understand now that my phobia comes from a place of being afraid to not be in control. And something like a virus is totally out of my control. And overcoming that was the key. It’s OK to not be in control. It’s OK that sometimes we will get ill. When it happens, I’ll deal with it & I will survive. And it’s the same for Covid. 99% of people will get ill, deal with it & survive.

I would never allow my phobia to stop my children living a full & happy life. My daughter loves nursery. And frankly we have no choice but to send her so we can work & pay the bills. Similarly, I happily eat out in cafes & restaurants as I’ve learnt to overcome the teeny tiny risk that I could pick up food poisoning. I just get on with life now. Risk is everywhere. But life is short. And there is so much to live for once you have kids.

Continue to seek help OP. Anxiety & kids go hand in hand as they grow up, gag when weaning, throw themselves off sofas & beds, run head first into chaos, bang their heads, get chest infections, coughs, colds, chicken pox, sick bugs .. you need to be able to cope with these situations & not stifle your child with your anxieties.

You can do it 😊

Well done for managing your fear so well. That's amazing!!!

I am 34, but I do have asthma, psoriasis and inflammatory arthritis and I just feel with all of these health conditions I wouldn't stand a chance of a good outcome with Covid.😔

I can sense how overwhelming it feels from your post. Maybe with a small baby we feel more responsible and vulnerable too at that time (I know I did) and then as well you have some health conditions too.

It's understandable to feel anxious. I'm feeling it too with my DH going back to work as well.

Baby steps, maybe group of mums is too much to start with but maybe start with just a walk out yourself, then with baby, then meet just one mum perhaps outside for a walk...just be kind to yourself and go slowly.

Mindfulness might help as well as CBT. Recognising thoughts coming and going. I find that a bit helpful right now dealing with it all

Maybe some meds for anxiety too, perhaps, but not the whole solution. I hope things improve for you little by little

@Orangeblossom78

I can sense how overwhelming it feels from your post. Maybe with a small baby we feel more responsible and vulnerable too at that time (I know I did) and then as well you have some health conditions too.

It's understandable to feel anxious. I'm feeling it too with my DH going back to work as well.

Baby steps, maybe group of mums is too much to start with but maybe start with just a walk out yourself, then with baby, then meet just one mum perhaps outside for a walk...just be kind to yourself and go slowly.

Mindfulness might help as well as CBT. Recognising thoughts coming and going. I find that a bit helpful right now dealing with it all

Maybe some meds for anxiety too, perhaps, but not the whole solution. I hope things improve for you little by little

THANK YOU XX

CALM

CALM is the Campaign Against Living Miserably, for people in the UK who are down or have hit a wall for any reason.

Call 0800 58 58 58(daily, 5pm to midnight)

Free, anonymouswebchat with trained staff

OP These people can help if you need it

Thank you.

I do have asthma, psoriasis and inflammatory arthritis and I just feel with all of these health conditions I wouldn't stand a chance of a good outcome with Covid

I think although it's really hard to tell with individuals, the chances are you'd still honestly be fine. I have a friend with very serious asthma (she has been in icu several times before). She had the virus and it was mild for her. No lasting problems either. She was tested so I know it was the virus.

I know there are no guarantees but I'd be more concerned on your behalf if you were over 80, had diabetes and a heart condition and you were overweight. The numbers have been scary and sound very large but as pandemics go, this has actually been a very mild one. Did you feel scared in 2000 when we had a very bad flu year with much higher numbers of deaths? Chances are you can't even remember it. You have to step back and say even if you were in the most vulnerable group of people who we know are really at risk with this virus, you'd still only have a 10% chance of dying and that was when it was raging and we didn't know much about how to treat patients or how it was spreading. You aren't in that risk category. And washing your hands and avoiding hugging people or being in large crowds keeps the majority safe anyway.

On paper you are still very low risk.

I too suffer Witt health anxiety & have for years!! I went to therapy in 2018 & it REALLY helped me & I mean REALLY REALLY helped me!! At the start of the pandemic I slipped right back & I was like you it was making me ill but now I've bounced back don't get me wrong I'm still very much paranoid but I will now go to shops etc & social distance in my garden & I think that's due to the therapy I had!! I would advise you to call you GP however the waiting list for therapy back then was 9 months!! But was well worth it! If you could afford it you could go private xx

I just discovered Wim Hof and have been doing his breathing exercises. Very simple technique but honestly the most effective thing I have tried. The sense of calm and tranquility you get is very powerful. I have been meditating for years but have found on days when I am very stressed, I just can't focus enough.

I am 34, but I do have asthma, psoriasis and inflammatory arthritis and I just feel with all of these health conditions I wouldn't stand a chance of a good outcome with Covid. I haven't seen anything that links psoriasis and inflammatory arthritis to a bad outcome, and there have been suggestions that asthma is not so much a problem as cardiovascular diseases.

You're trying to exert control by limiting your movements and contacts. Would it help to refocus your control efforts elsewhere? Vitamin D seems to be important - so taking a vitamin supplement and getting a short period of sunshine or outdoor light every day, for you and your baby. Concentrate on getting your level of fitness as good as possible. Or would that just lead to problems in another direction?

Remember too that the chance of meeting someone with Covid is low, less than one person in a thousand is thought to be infected. And the 2m distancing is based on someone talking to you or coughing at you, and they're thinking you need something like 15 minutes exposure. I know OCD isn't rational and knowing the risks are low won't make it disappear. But hopefully that you can reassure yourself that if you are able to get the OCD under control you won't be putting yourself at risk.