Reception child - class bubble

[Lookingbackatme]

Reception DS(5) has been back at school for nearly two weeks now and has been put in a different bubble to the friends he mostly plays with. Two of the friends are back at school but not the third one. We haven’t been too happy with the friendship of the two who are back for a few reasons, one being they include him but then often also say things like ‘we don’t like you, go away, you’re an idiot/stupid’ etc. The third child is not back so we have no idea which bubble he would be in, but this child is not like the other two and always plays nicely with DS.

The school said the bubbles are decided by the teachers based on dynamics etc so do we assume then that the teacher possibly agrees with us that DS’ friendships are not good and that’s why he is not with his ‘friends’? Every time he gets upset over being called an idiot etc we tell him to walk away and find other kind children to play with but there seems to be a love/hate friendship dynamic going on. I’ve been hoping he might form some friendships with the other children in his bubble but other parents across the other bubbles (there’s 6) all seem to think that the kids will revert to their old friends as soon as they are all together again (goodness knows when that will be!). Indeed, from the various parents I chat to all their kids have been placed in the same bubble as their friends except for my DS.

Fortunately his teacher (and nursery also said it) said he is very sociable and has good social skills, will play with anyone and does actually play with lots of others, but I’d really like him to break this bond with these boys and make some better, more healthy friendships.

So, in a nutshell I’m wondering if the teacher possibly deliberately separated him from these friends, and whether other parents think their kids will just revert to their original friendships?

There will be lots of complex considerations about the whole class to design the bubbles.

If you feel the teacher’s input would be useful, just ask them about it.

Have you (before lockdown) spoken to DS's teacher about his friendship circle and what's happening in it? If not I would definitely speak to them now, so that they can keep an eye on what's happening going forward.

Teachers can and do encourage children to work with and interact with other during learning time. Playtimes are a bit more tricky as it is free play.

When my DS was in YrR we found that most of the children had very floaty friendships, playing with lots of different children. Then in Yr1 he started to make solid friendships which he still has now he's in Yr6. His best friend is someone that his YrR and then Yr1 teacher encouraged him to interact with back in the early days.

@Lumene the school said we can’t speak to the teachers during pick up/drop off and can only email the office who will pass messages on, so I’m reluctant to email as I don’t want to make a big issue of it. I’m sure they have their reasons for separating DS but he just seems a bit sad even though he doesn’t seem to realise yet that these kids aren’t the right friends for him yet

@deelish75 his teacher is aware of some of the issues I believe, but I’m not sure if she knows they call him names regularly. As per what I’ve just replied to the pp it’s harder to have a quick chat with his teacher now. I have heard that friendships are often quite transient in Reception so I’m hoping he might bond with some other kids in his bubble now and then in Yr1. It also doesn’t help that these 3 boys have mums who stick together and ignore all other parents so I can’t se me him ever doing play dates with them etc which would be sad for him

Don’t forget the teacher has 30 children’s friendship dynamics, any SEN or medical or health issues, emotional needs, academic abilities, parental requests etc to consider and balance and the bubbles are probably only until the end of term (even if still needed in September they may well be mixed differently). I’d honestly not assume she was thinking much about your apparently sociable and happy child when setting up the bubbles. If you want him to make other friends, and he’s been separated from children it sounds like you don’t want him to be with, I’m not sure what the issue is you’d chat to her about?

My children have had transient friendships at that age, new friends, friendships that have lasted and a friendship that went through a love:hate stage and has ended up a good friend long term. I’d take what other parents are predicting about their child’s friendships in September with a large pinch of salt and just encourage your son to make new friends in his bubble and play with a range of children at the moment and not worry too much about the long term yet.