Social bubbles/one child family/shielding

[Uhtredswoman]

I have been up all night since last night's announcement. I know that things can't work for all in dealing with a pandemic, but I need to vent...

DH and I have one DD 10, who has been alone for so much time and pretty much homeschooling herself as we are both FT WFH and school are providing nothing (not teacher bashing - I am a teacher but can work from home in my role).

We each have a mum who is living alone. How would we choose?

My mum has another set of grandchildren. How does she choose?

I am officially shielding due to medical treatment putting me at higher risk.

It feels like a perfect storm of rubbish and I just want to scream "It's not fair!"

I know there are people worse off, but I can't see what is best to do. Help me see...

They either lift everything at once, which would cause outrage or they do it in steps, every step of which has had some people complaining and the next step will have some complaining too.

If you're shielding then the bubbles don't apply

You either wait until there is more relaxing of rules or you make your own risk assessment based on what is safe for your family and others.

If you're shielding you can't join with anyone yet OP. So sorry. Hopefully not much longer.

@ClientQ I know, but it's breaking my heart for my devastated DD that she can't see her Grannies because of me.

@Finfintytint that's what I'm trying to do but cannot see which option is or isn't safe.

Thanks for your replies to my venting 😞

@juan I know, but I just want to jack it all in and forget the shielding, which is stupid....

It's crap.

But even if you weren't shielding, the bubbles only apply to single adult households, so you couldn't form one anyway as there are two adults in your household.

I think the OPis saying her family could form one with either her mother who lives alone or her DH’s mother who lives alone...

Sorry this is difficult. But the new rules are for people living alone to form a support bubble with another household. They have been completely alone for months so I’d only fair they get to be the first ones to be able to see others properly. It’s not about getting to see all your relatives or your DD getting to see her grandparents.

As you’re shielding the new rules don’t apply to you (again sorry it must be very hard for you), but if you want to stop shielding then perhaps you pick MIL and your mum pick your sibling so that they both have someone?

@beela I thought we could with one of our mums, as they are single? But only if I wasn't shielding...

From BBC: From this Saturday in England, single adults living alone - or single parents with children under 18 - can form a "support bubble" with one other household. The second household can be of any size but the measure does not include anyone who is shielding.

I think Johnson and Whitty gave different thoughts last night, so am hoping the BBC have clarified 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Racoonworld sorry to confuse...

@Mouthfulofquiz is right in understanding me! I think the OPis saying her family could form one with either her mother who lives alone or her DH’s mother who lives alone...

@Uhtredswoman oh sorry, I had understood it differently. I saw the briefing last night but hadn't read the BBC article. To be fair, the BBC do tend to communicate changes more coherently than the people doing the announcing.

I'm so fed up of all the mental gymnastics required to check whether any normal every day task fits with 'the rules'.

If your mother has other grandchildren then I would suggest they form a bubble and you form a bubble with your MiL who it sounds like doesn’t have other grandchildren. However it’s a moot point if you’re shielding. I’m sorry, it must all be incredibly hard for you.

You did can see her grannies.

The meeting outside at social distance is still applicable.

This is 2 households meeting indoors and only those 2.

@beela we're all needing to become experts at the mental gymnastics 🙄

@Rainycloudyday thanks for replying - I know you're right... I'm just sad.

Would either of these people be willing to quarantine completely for 2 weeks before visiting you? That would massively reduce the risk.

@itsgettingweird she has been doing that to see MIL with her dad (45m drive away), and socially distance walking with my mum (in the same town).

I think my working mum guilt and my guilt at needing to be shielded is at the core of why I just feel it's so unfair...

Shielding aside, either Granny would jump at the chance as both live alone and neither has had a hug in months. But if we bubble with MIL that doesn't change things for us (houses too small to stay over, 45m drive), if we could bubble with my mum at least DD wouldn't need to be alone all day every weekday.

@SnuggyBuggy thanks for the suggestion 🙏🏻 I haven't asked - that would be an option...

[quote Uhtredswoman]@beela we're all needing to become experts at the mental gymnastics 🙄

@Rainycloudyday thanks for replying - I know you're right... I'm just sad. [/quote]
It's bloody exhausting, isn't it.

I know it's not the same, and I'm not up to speed with the shielding rules so I don't know if it would work for you, but my 9yo went for a long (2m distant - mostly) walk with my mum the other day, just the two of them. It did him good to have 1-1 time with a different adult and she enjoyed it too. No rules broken.

Oh sorry, cross posted, just seen that you have done that already.

I'm late 20s and shielding as I have severe health issues and respiratory issues inc 38% lung capacity.

We're seeing family and allowing children to go to nursery, DH is going food shopping, I'm not cleaning incoming post. We're WFH but aside from that, I've taken matters into my own hand. The statistics of dying from covid aged under 45 are shockingly small, even with pre existing conditions, I understand how you feel about it all but we have to find ways of getting back to normal

@beela
my 9yo went for a long (2m distant - mostly) walk with my mum the other day, just the two of them. It did him good to have 1-1 time with a different adult and she enjoyed it too. No rules broken.

That's a good compromise.

@Finfintytint
The shielding letter told me I needed to socially distance from my family in the house, which I haven't been doing, so have already been making my own calculated risk assessments (as calculated as you can get with such an unknown).

The whole socially distance from your own household was ridiculous. We don't all live in huge houses.

@StylishMummy thanks for reassurance! My medical treatment wiped my immune system temporarily (great timing!!) - I need to take some time to process today before making snap decisions!

I'm just glad DH has had the snip, as the guilt at stopping at one is intense now...was absolutely sure it was the right decision pre-lockdown loneliness for DD 🙄