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How do I choose? Children's education or earning a living? This is not fair

51 replies

sarahanne1969 · 09/06/2020 20:22

My situation is now this: I run my own business with husband, have kids who are studying for GCSEs, one is under learning support at school. Since lockdown, we have been trying to work and teach our kids. Husband teaches from 10 to 4 each day, then works into the night to try to keep our work going. I am working long hours too to try to keep things going. Our business has been hugely hit by Covid crisis, so we are trying to adapt and find new avenues to try to lift us out of this. This would be a horror for any business owner to solve, let alone given the task of suddenly having to teach your children at home on top. We have repeatedly appealed to our school for more support and help - begged pretty much for a teacher to be at the end of a phone to help when we are overwhelmed with subjects we just do not know (chemistry - don't get me started), but no reply to emails. The only person who is interested is LS head, who is lovely, but she can't make other teachers respond. Today we hit an all-time low, realisation point that we can't continue like this. Conclusion to our situation is clear - either educate our kids and let our business fail, or let our kids fail and keep our business. I've given up now on kids going back to school - I can't see how it will happen properly in the near future and I am so disgusted like others that our government has not even addressed the elephant in the room at all the endless daily updates we get/press briefings - how do they expect parents to earn and work when have to teach our kids because no one else is? It's not good enough to say 'schools are open still', they are not. Our children are being expected to educate themselves like an adult studying for a remote degree - that's fine if you are over 21 and have signed up for it, but how can you expect a 13 year old to do it? It is utterly ridiculous. I think the most responsible thing the government could do right now is admit the whole home schooling thing has been an abject failure for most kids - only the high flyers who are able to teach themselves remotely are probably coping well in this situation, and they are possibly just a small percentage of the population? It's time for government to look this thing in the face and be honest - admit people cannot work and home teach. If schools are not going to open up, offer parents a lifeline - if we can't work, we can't earn. Parents need to be paid to stay at home and teach now. The time has gone for this fantasy of people being able to carry on working while their kids toddle along in the background happily learning - the kind of thing I see portrayed on morning breakfast TV that leaves me with my jaw dropped as it is such a world away from where I am. Am I living in a parallel universe? The reality is it is sheer bloody hell and it is killing my family, so what is it doing to others? I have seen posts on here pointing out that nightingale hospitals were built in weeks, retired staff re-recruited to work in NHS and other measures put in place to try to deal with this crisis. Yet the whole system of education has just been ignored and we are all having to go along with this pretence that it is all just fine and 'schools are still open' and isn't everyone doing jolly well? It is absolute bollocks. I am so pissed off I don't know where to even start - I have talked to friends in similar situations who have resorted to doing the kids work for them to get it done so they can get back to trying to do some work. This is all madness. Why can't we get our act together, work with planners to set up schooling in safe situations, urgently recruit more teachers and bloody well start teaching our children again? Or, if government are not prepared to throw some money and resources at it, how about they start throwing some money our way so we can do the job for them? Or at least just write off this whole school year and let everyone off the hook - give everyone a level playing field. If we are struggling and we are trying to teach our kids/have home computers, what the hell is happening to kids who do not have this support? It is just so unfair on everyone. Government have to admit they can't have it all ways - parents working and contributing to the economy or home schooling. It's one or the other. In the end, at this rate, the biggest cause of economic fail in this country will be because schools shut, working parents had to stay at home and teach, and a properly functioning educational alternative was not put in place in time. If we are one small business going through this, how many others must be in the same boat? And how many employers must be struggling because working parents can't go back to work? Our kids are being failed and our families and businesses are being failed. I think Women's Hour had it right too when I listened in the other day, maybe if more women were on the panels making decisions at the moment someone might have mentioned the obvious - if schools don't open, women (usually) have to stay at home, that means they can't work, that means half the working population are not at work, that means mass redundancies when these people will inevitably lose their jobs, that means huge loss of tax revenues, that means no money for NHS or schools, that means we are all going to go back decades in time in terms of education and social/health care. Surely the money should be going into education NOW to make sure this does not happen?

OP posts:
Feellikedancingyeah · 09/06/2020 23:33

My 13 year old, year 9 child can't learn by himself . He has learning support in school. I have to sit with him . That's why he needs school

ToothFairyNemesis · 09/06/2020 23:35

It’s great that some children can manage six hours of independent learning but I would imagine that’s the exception, not the rule.
Unless the other parents are all lying on the whats app group I don’t think it’s that unusual. Admittedly I am talking about year ten not early high school years.
My nine year old maybe that’s more of an exception.

JassyRadlett · 09/06/2020 23:35

If that true I am equally thankful and angry on behalf of other parents. Schools should be providing an equal homeschooling experience.

I totally agree. It’s deeply disturbing that no one is watching or monitoring what schools are doing or what students are getting.

Ours now has Years 1 and 6 back only, for 4 days a week (no one on Wednesdays, including KW children). As a result they have reduced provision for the years still at home by about 50%.

StampMc · 09/06/2020 23:53

My y9 child has had around 30 min of maths since lockdown. My WhatsApp chat with others in the years shows this is just her class so provision is not even equal across children in the same year in the same school.

I’m absolutely baffled that parents are doing kids work for them? Why are they doing that?

OP, I don’t really understand if your dc are being set work by school or not, and if they are why they can’t do it. Is it too difficult and they don’t understand or will they not do it without someone standing over them or what? With the 13 yo I would concentrate on core subjects and just abandon anything they won’t be taking at gcse. Get some study guides or cgp books and use them to support whatever area of the curriculum they are supposed to study. Use online resources such as bite size and YouTube videos (mr bruffs English for example) and when they are using those then you can get on with other stuff. All the sciences will have every topic covered on YouTube. it’s not as good as being taught in a classroom but crashing your business isn’t going to get them in a classroom .

Kokeshi123 · 10/06/2020 03:16

OP, I know you're under pressure but paragraphs make things easier to read!

OKif your kids are teenagers, I would seriously look into online schooling programs. Yes, it will cost-but probably less than letting your business fail. Lockdown is being eased so your kids will at least start to have a bit of social normality and be able to mix with others more this summer---that may improve the atmosphere in the house.

Make sure whatever program you have includes some Skype/Zoom etc. teaching---a bit of real life contact makes all the difference. Do you have any friends or relatives (grandparents etc) who have some time and might be in a position to help out a little? My dad has been doing regular Skype sessions with all of his granddaughters to help with with maths and science, his main specialties. Just having someone there to help them with the work and keep them motivated can make all the difference in the world.

I agree, it's shit, and I am so sorry that so many families are facing this.

Teenagers need structure and teaching. Even adults struggle to learn things all by themselves!

Av0cetSi3sta · 10/06/2020 07:53

I hear you op. It’s causing huge rows in my home.Both key workers one from home with teens. Can’t sustain it. I work in a school. If I or others like me give up work to educate our own kids that’s half a bubble who no longer have a place and whose key worker parents can’t work. If my Dh loses his job we lose the roof over our heads.

Then you get the damage to exams my dc are taking and their mental health.....

It can’t go on any longer.

Phineyj · 10/06/2020 08:00

Hi OP, in your situation I think I would be looking at proper online schools. The most well known one is InterHigh but there are others. I have seen one mentioned on here (Outschool?) where you can pay as you go with different lessons. Obviously you'd have to pay but it would at least reduce that source of stress.

MarginalGain · 10/06/2020 08:03

@JassyRadlett

This is a golden opportunity to strengthen relationships and spend some real quality time together at home.

I’m sure you didn’t mean to come across as insensitive and patronising to a women who is stretched to breaking point trying to keep a business afloat while also trying to ensure her children, one of whom gets extra learning support at school, keep up with their peers at an important stage in their education.

Yes, I'm sure.
IHeartKingThistle · 10/06/2020 08:13

OP this isn't a problem at government level - your DC's school is just being shit.

I'm a secondary teacher. We are setting full lessons with teacher voiceover explaining them. We are checking who's doing the work and responding to the work that comes in, rewarding work with positive points on the school system. I respond to every single query I get from students or parents. Every kid is checked on by email or phone every single week.

Even with all that, many of our parents tell us they're struggling so with the lack of support you've had it must be a nightmare.

My DC in Years 6 and 8 are having to largely get on with it while I go to work, prepare lessons, respond to emails and attend endless zoom meetings and I feel awful about it. But kids have to understand that they need to pitch in and work independently for a while too.

I wish I had an answer for you. But do stay in touch with the school. They still have a duty of care and should be providing support.

MarginalGain · 10/06/2020 08:31

It is a government problem, because they're not sending the one message that can solve this problem, which is that they've wildly overestimated the risks of the pandemic.

Weekday28 · 10/06/2020 08:40

I get it. Both key workers out the house. 3 primary children who haven't been taught in 3 months. I am considering leaving my job because the guilt of failing my children is huge. However not earning money obviously comes with its own problems. I have no answer. I'm exhausted.

SockYarn · 10/06/2020 08:47

I'm in the same position.

DH is working from home for the foreseeable. I'm self-employed and work for myself, at home. I usually have 6 hours a day of peace where I can sit down and crack on. That's gone, I now have 4 extra people in hte house, 3 of whom I'm supposed to educate!

All the "enjoy the golden time" - yeah, how about you remove the rose-tinted glasses and realise that splitting yourself in 4 to work and support three kids with their learning is an impossibility? Plus my kids aren't enjoying this "golden time" either, they want to be at school, with their friends.

SockYarn · 10/06/2020 08:52

Oh and I am completely with you on the Chemistry. My eldest is doing Advanced Higher chemistry - a Scottish qualification which is slightly higher than an A-level. I stopped studying chemistry at 15 after the old O-level standard. DH didn't even study that far. We do not have a CLUE.

The only thing which is getting him through is the fact we have a family friend with a recent chemistry degree who can talk him through it on facetime. But it shouldn't be like that.

CallmeAngelina · 10/06/2020 09:03

Mamamia, The Government said right at the very start of all this that the curriculum was suspended.
Anything set by schools is a kind of "bonus," in terms of what they're meant to be covering. In other words, if it's not on the actual timetable, but similar or different, don't worry.

sarahanne1969 · 10/06/2020 09:39

just to reply to the ideas that my children can be left to learn by themselves, now that we have seen what the school is setting and the resources they are supplying, it would be impossible for them to do it on their own. If there are children out there who can do this, they must be geniuses and parents are very lucky that they have such brilliant children who can study independently using what I class as university-level resources most of the time! We have to read the resources, they digest them, then try to explain them in a way that a 13 year old can understand. Also, one of my children needs learning support so cannot just be left to get on with it all day. The children need input and they need to have questions answered otherwise they cannot learn. In my mind if we can't go back to school and normal learning, we should just scrap daily learning all together now and say it will be picked up again when schools open properly.

OP posts:
DanceMonkey19 · 10/06/2020 09:48

I don't really understand this 'homeschooling' thing. The government are not expecting parents to teach - the curriculum has been suspended.

I can understand the concern of parents of y10 children, who ordinarily would be sitting GCSEs next year, however they are not just going to sit the exams as normal with no allowance made that they've list 50% (or whatever % it is) are they? NO ONE has said parents are to take over the teaching of their children! I really don't understand why so many parents seem to think that they have??

MarginalGain · 10/06/2020 09:51

@CallmeAngelina

Mamamia, The Government said right at the very start of all this that the curriculum was suspended. Anything set by schools is a kind of "bonus," in terms of what they're meant to be covering. In other words, if it's not on the actual timetable, but similar or different, don't worry.
Nonsense. The children who have received 'bonuses' are advantaged, ipso facto the ones who have not are disadvantaged.
sarahanne1969 · 10/06/2020 09:54

I really feel too for all the other parents out there going through this. I know I sound hysterical and irrational now, but that's how I feel. I think 3 months of holding it together have just crushed us - I'm exhausted, feel ill, and on the edge all the time. Clearly it's time for some decision making for me, but I do feel that this whole issue of families and home learning has been swept under the carpet. Apologies for my lengthy rambles on here, but I think the dam burst yesterday!

OP posts:
Smudge3 · 10/06/2020 11:06

Please don't apologise for your post. It was exactly how the rest of us feel. I'm struggling to. I have one totally dedicated child year 10 starting her school work at 8.45 and finishing at 3.45. She's doing 2 hours homework every night. I also have another less dedicated child year 8 who thinks it's the summer holidays. Her work is on some many different types of software and she has so many different ways to submit her school work. I'm totally confused never mind her. I get emails on Fridays with the number of behaviour points we have for not submitting schoolwork work, I feel like I'm back at school . Trying to run a business at the same time is so hard. So I am sending all of you a massive hug. All we can do is our best no one can ask for more.

ToothFairyNemesis · 10/06/2020 12:57

@JassyRadlett that’s really not appropriate that the provision for the children remaining at home has been reduced.
This is from our primary school letter:

•Children who remain at home will be completing the same work as children who attend school.

•Children who attend school will not be in an advantageous position compared to children working remotely from home.

•We will continue to set and mark home learning via seesaw in the same way for all children.

AbsolutePleasure · 10/06/2020 23:26

I didn't mean to be insensitive or patronising and I'm sorry if I came over that way. I'm in a very similar situation myself and have had to choose work as we need to be fed and the bills need to be paid, that and a harmonious household.
My DC are slightly older but are refusing to engage with school-set work. I don't want the stress, the rows etc. I know where that will lead for us. I'm not saying I'm not having to bite my lip here and there, but they (and me and dh) have enough to cope with at the moment.

There are more important things than school work, but I know that's an unpopular opinion on mumsnet.

DateLoaf · 10/06/2020 23:37

The talk of blended learning come September is really breaking me. They should just call it the Plan To Fuck Over Kids And Also Women. Because let’s be honest, it’s mostly women who will lose their jobs or have to give up work because of this.

Yes absolutely agree.

Also OP Flowers I have every sympathy for you. I’m shocked how little interest in education seems to be shown by the government (can only assume they personally have help or a SAHP and their kids are privately educated?)
I am still shocked by the expectation that we can all work from home and supervise our children safely at the same time, let alone be ‘Home educating‘ Hmm them ourselves at the same time as working doing our paid jobs.

Rory786 · 10/06/2020 23:48

@DanceMonkey19
"The government are not expecting parents to teach"

Ummm, not sure what you mean by that. I have a 4yr old and a 5yr old who need to be "taught" phonics, and blending.
I have a 7 year old who needs things to be explained to her and therefore "taught" to her.

KatySun · 11/06/2020 05:59

I am a single parent and I am ‘recovering’ from coronavirus (ie long, slow and some days hardly feels like recovery at all); I am also working from home what I can, and I have two children.

My oldest does her school work independently and this takes her 3-4 hours a day - she is in her final year (we are in Scotland).

My youngest is primary age and it has been a constant struggle. He is on the autistic spectrum and needs one-to-one with it.

I have had all the debates in my head about what to do and it comes down to this

A) recover my health
B) maintain a roof over our heads
C) make sure children are mentally well
D) worry about school work.

Rightly or wrongly, I think there will be opportunities for catch up when things are back to normal. I focus on what my child can do to keep his confidence up with home learning, and we do a bit of work every day on what he cannot do. But not hours and hours. I understand that with a teenager it might feel more urgent to get everything done, but I also think mental health is more important - even with my DD who is self-motivated I think if she does not get through this year, she can go to College and do another qualification. So honestly, I would take the pressure off yourself and just do what is important to DS and accept that he might need to repeat some of it later on. You need to keep your heads above water.

Jellycatspyjamas · 11/06/2020 06:39

There are more important things than school work, but I know that's an unpopular opinion on mumsnet.

I agree there are more important things than school work but come August when our schools open part time (I’m in Scotland) I’m still going to be responsible for 60% of my child’s education and while it might not be the most important thing, it’s pretty important.

The government have shown utter disregard for parents and children here - I was doing ok, managed to get a bit of schooling, my job has taken a back seat and my business has pretty much closed but we’re all physically healthy and our mental health is mostly ok. Then came the proposals for “blended learning” which still sees parents carrying the bulk of their kids education while trying to work, run a home, etc.

I get emails on Fridays with the number of behaviour points we have for not submitting schoolwork work

You have got to be joking - I’d be having a very straight conversation with whoever was responsible for that. Behaviour point ffs.