How the hell are parents meant to work?

[worzelsnurzel123]

With this latest blow from schools and yet further delays, I predict employers will cease to be “ fair” and they will run out of the patience BJ vaguely muttered about hoping they’d have. So what are the options?

1. Resign from jobs? This could have massive impact on income, likely to affect women and the future of women’s’ rights and progress in the workplace, creation of mental health issues and socio economic problems
2. Will some parents be pushed in to feeling the have no choice but to leave kids home alone? Esp those who are borderline age group eg 8-12. Not ideal at all. Clearly this will impact on MH, safety, parental work performance.
3. Leave kids with grandparents who are likely to be over 70 in many cases, shielding or vulnerable. Risks of passing the virus on would lead to guilt , worry on both sides.
4. Wait for everything to fuck up work wise, scrabble for child care here there and everywhere, lose employers good will due to time off needed and eventually get dismissed for poor attendance, breach of conduct and or poor performance

This is a disgrace. An absolute disgrace

I want to be realistic in preparing for the longer road ahead, I find that more comforting and useful.

Can you appreciate why it might not be comforting and useful to other people to inflict your “it’s doom for everybody and it’s going to be horrendous forever and the living will envy the dead” predictions on them? Perhaps save it for a diary or something?

I 100% will not look back on these days with longing. That I guarantee.

It's really tough right now. We could all keep describing back and forth to one another how tough we're having it. Personally, I don't find that very comforting, but fair enough if you do. I'm sure one person fewer repeating how difficult they're having it won't be a defecit to this thread. My hope was that some might find a more pragmatic attitude helpful.

I don't really get the benefit in pretending things are going to be better than they are. I'd rather be planning for inevitable redundancies and how best we can keep a roof over our head. Pragmatism, planning, survival all really useful at the moment. Moaning is important of course, but I'm not sure it'll mean much to the bank when we can't make the repayments.

My hope was that some might find a more pragmatic attitude helpful.

Pretty sure you know the score on that one now. Read the room.

Well it doesn’t. If anything if makes me feel slightly less of a failure as a parent and an employee to know it’s not just me struggling. Posts like yours just make me feel worse, so well done.

Oneliner People, as you know, have different ways they cope with stress and challenging situations. For many talking about how tough it is and seeing they are not the only one struggling in this mad and absurd and yes unprecedented situation might mean all the difference between being able to keep working and functioning. Obviously your coping strategy is different from that.

No one's a fan of tough love, that's a shame. Don't want to stress you out, if it's all about 'this too will pass', go for it. Be strong.

Okay, Oneliner, you win. This will not pass, we are doomed forever, nothing will ever get better and in the bleak wastelands that we will inhabit in the After Times, with no other life but the feral pigeons and the mutated giant Covid viruses that will boing after us like that blob in The Prisoner, children will whisper stories of how very right you were.

Meanwhile, back in the conversation everybody else is trying to have...

Feral pigeons!

Sooo, once we've all finished moaning anyone got any practical ideas that might help? I'll share my tiny one: I found a cool podcast called Storynory which I'm hoping might keep the 9yo entertained for part of tomorrow while I'm working.

Also virtual handhold for everyone struggling.

Treat weekends as home school days and take two days in the week as 'weekend with no schooling' so kids entertain themselves and you get on with work.

ditch the home schooling it's only another few weeks of term.
Whatever it takes to get through to September. Take lots of leave if possible over the summer holidays, share leave with partner.

Get kids to make their own lunch at least 2X a week say it's for 'life lesson'.

GoldenOmber, spot on! That's was a comical description, reckon there's hope in feral pigeons to eat...But really, I would love to be wrong. I would love to be able to affect any of this. All I can do is make sure I've considered all our options and make the best decisions possible at the time.

@Oneliner

No one's a fan of tough love, that's a shame. Don't want to stress you out, if it's all about 'this too will pass', go for it. Be strong.

‘We are all going to die one day, it might be painful and traumatic. Life is a terminal illness.’

I don’t go around saying the above to people who are sick or struggling with grief but it’s true.

Sometimes it is helpful to acknowledge someone is having a hard time, to remind them they’re not alone and to remind them they’re doing the best they can. It can be kind without being all hearts and flowers. Shared experiences do help.

I've been "babying" DS quite a bit. Bedtime lullaby etc. It's calming down a lot of the difficult behaviour.

We have a strict set of requirements which earns "free" screentime mid-afternoon. Most of the time that gets 60-90 mins schoolwork don't. Until that point he is only allowed screens for defined educational tasks. Books, Lego etc are unlimited whether or not he does the schoolwork.

Also hotel Chocolat deliver sale boxes.

My employer (manager) seems perplexed as to why I can’t return to work from mat leave with a 10mth old and a nearly 3 yo in the house on my own. The baby is walking, can climb on sofa, can pull over chairs, and is a constant danger to themselves. That is without the fact that both children need full time care every day. They can’t make their own meals, change their own nappies, go outside and play alone, they can’t even change a TV channel. I thought of videoing a day in my life to show my boss how it is simply impossible for me to do any work at all with a baby and a toddler. Mealtimes, nappy changing and toileting, getting down for naps, getting out for fresh air, general up and down of looking after and responding to requests takes up hours of the day. And that’s without a baby literally hanging off my leg screaming the minute I sit down at my laptop. I can’t make phone calls in the house as I have no signal, I have to work in the same room as kids so no silence for video calls, etc etc etc on it goes.

The government have said employers should be flexible, mine is far from it.

I don't know Haenow, I think there's a lot of benefit in conversing more openly and truthfully about death, it can really help with grief and the appreciation of your health and wellbeing.

TheMurk, your manager is acting unlawfully if pressuring you to return earlier than planned from mat leave. Contact ACAS, they're brilliant.

@Oneliner it’s not earlier than planned. It was always going to be in a few weeks.

However I’ve asked to be furloughed and told no. Been told I need to make it happen at my end, either work round the kids (so before they wake and after they slee) or get alternative childcare.

I have nursery places, nursery closed. My boss said get a nanny - I don’t want a nanny for a start, secondly it would cost more than I earn probably, thirdly nannies are like hens teeth where I live. Childminders all full too.

TheMurk, still worth contacting ACAS I reckon. They'll be able to explain what options are available to support you, such as unpaid statutory leave (up to 4 weeks per year, per child). And they'll offer advice about how best to communicate your parental responsibilties. They can even advocate on your behalf. You don't need to be struggling alone with this, get practical employment advice.

Don’t ACAS only work for groups rather than individual employees?

@TheMurk sadly you can’t be furloughed now. Deadline was 10 June to be put on the scheme.

ACAS will be able to advise you
Hopefully employers will be sympathetic generally
I do think that come September a lot of employers will be looking for staff to get fully back to work
So childcare and schools will need to be back too

You didn't come across as pragmatic oneliner you just sounded incredibly patronising.

You didn't come across as pragmatic oneliner you just sounded incredibly patronising.

Yes, totally agree. I’d also add ‘somewhat clueless’.

I can take that on the chin. But if you're referring to clueless about ACAS, it really is a good organisation and can help individuals. Just look it up, is great.