So lonely I cried with relief when the phone rang

[lonelyabc]

I’m struggling . I’m living with family, just two of us, but I’m missing my old lifje . I have autism to some degree but I managed fine, I worked, studied, had friends, lived alone etc - and now I’m back home .

I’m getting anxious to the point I’m crying at night scared this virus will come into my home and take one of us away, and then I’ll be totally alone . Don’t sleep at night for fear of that happening . Exacerbated by seeing it happen on fb with two friends of friends dying of this illness, one 30 and one just 50 .

I’m scared that this is forever and I’m never going to see my friends or wider family again, or if we do, only from a distance and with masks and what have you .

Haven’t had phone contact from anyone for weeks and weeks except for my elderly grandmother - who needs me to help her with stuff constantly and gets distressed if I don’t call .

I just wish someone would ask how I am, or check I’m alright, or something, anything . I’ve tried old friends and family on Facebook and had nothing back .

My GP surgery rang about something totally unrelated a couple of days ago and I asked if I could talk to someone about how I’m feeling- I’ve got pre existing anxiety anyway, would have usually seen GP 4 weekly for a review but that’s not been done since January .

GP is ringing me on Friday to talk things over, booked me a double appt on the phone - I’m so relieved I ended up crying . Receptionist wasn’t bothered but I’m so embarrassed; everyone else seems to have it all together and here’s me crying because I’m lonely and scared .

That sounds really hard, it's just relentless isn't it

OP that sound tough.

I’m so pleased the GP has booked you a double appointment for Friday

Do you want ideas of things that might help you until then or just to vent and get support?
Thinking of you

Hi, Op - that sounds really tough. I sort of get it about the anxiety - I don’t worry about it coming to get us in our house, but I do worry about catching it when I have to stop wfh.

About the loneliness - have you looked into some of the support services which are out there? My local Covid mutual support group offers a phone buddy system for people who just want someone to talk to - maybe the one in your area does to. And there are mental health helplines and chat services. I know that’s not the same as someone who is a friend or relative, but it might help,you get through this low patch. Lockdown won’t last for ever, and you said you were coping OK before.

Have you been outside at all? Perhaps you should get out for some fresh air and exercise, from your post you sound like you haven’t been doing this.

I have to force myself to do it but I always feel better afterwards and it might help you sleep too.

You are not alone thinking the worst for the future. This will pass just take things one day, one week at a time. If you keep your household shielded if you can and your risk is ever so low. Try and get rest it will help your thoughts.

So my dear, how are you?

I am sorry you are feeling scared, these are horrible times we are living in. I am sorry people that were young and are fairly closely connected to you have died. It is scary.

Are you still working? Have you contacted your friends?

We will all be changed by this horrible situation we are living through but we will remain standing, even if we need others to hold us up. I can be here to chat if you need it.

I haven’t been going out very much no . Did go out a lot more last month, but sort of crashed these last few days and keep feeling, what are waiting on, nothing seems to be changing or going back to how it was ... I know that’s not at all possible or practical, it’s just difficult to manage so many changes . I think that’s partly what’s made me more anxious, nothing feels certain just now and I’m scared as to what’s going to change next .

I’m not far from the beach so really should make the effort and head down even if it’s not properly warm .

I’ll definitely try mental health helplines - initially I was getting some support (probably around the last week of March), k feel I don’t want to bother them but will try that again.

It’s just feeling so far away from anyone else, I know not physically but it’s so hard .

OP just to let you know that I understand. It's really really hard and I have felt very low at times also. I have never felt low like this before. It feels like life is on hold. I just wanted you to know that your feelings make complete sense to me. Make sure you talk to people and let them know how you feel so that they can support you. I am glad you gave the doctors call in.

Thank you , I’m not working no . Trying to navigate benefits system with CAB. I wasn’t working at the time of this anyway, I’m a student but on prolonged abscence so sort of waiting to see what happens , all up in the air .

I’ve texted a couple of friends, some of them it’s been so long I’m worried they’ll be offended if I do contact, I’ve not been great at texting what with one thing and another . Suppose I won’t know until I try !

Don’t be thinking everyone has it all together - pretty much everyone I’ve spoken to during lockdown has found it difficult at some point, for whatever reason. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Have you got anything planned for tomorrow? Try to keep busy and distracted.

You sound more positive already. That’s great
Takes @Dancer12345 s advice and make plans to stay busy and distracted.
We are all having really bad days at the moment abc we all need to forgive ourselves and others and just do the best we can