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Not worth living

20 replies

Deblou43 · 02/06/2020 22:18

Hi

Sorry to post again, I had a small breakdown last year of depression i went back to work January and then started wfh in March . I am a mum of 2 and love my boys dearly but I can feel myself going down! I feel like life is not worth living with all of this social distancing. I don't feel suicidal but I don't want to live like this .. i have spoken to my doctor and psychiatrist and they have said to increase my dose of AD and they are having lots of calls about the same thing . Every time I hear SD will go on for a year I cry and think what is the point

OP posts:
Buzzfrightyears · 02/06/2020 22:19

I was having feelings like this. I started antidepressants and therapy and it has made all the world of difference. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Do you have family? Support?

Spinakker · 02/06/2020 22:32

It is a shit time I'll agree, but we do have some freedoms left. Is there anyway you can focus on what you can do rather than what you can't? Or perhaps imagine in your mind this will only last another 3 months. May be you can face things if you would believe it will not be forever. Which it won't.

ASandwichNamedKevin · 02/06/2020 22:36

You did very well to go back to work in January, but didn't have much time to get onto the swing of things before coronavirus hit so it's very understandable that you're feeling down. Even people who have previously had no issues are struggling.

Have you increased your dose and did they give any indication as to how long it might take to have an effect?

Don't look too far ahead and think of a year just take things a week at a time, or a day at a time or whatever you feel you can manage.

SpillTheTeaa · 02/06/2020 22:51

The thing is, no one knows how long we have to stay social distant. I mean some are already not! I don't think it will be a year.
I hope this virus will kill itself off. You're not alone in the way you think but I just try to remember this situation won't last forever but for now we just have to ride the wave and take one day at a time.
I try to look it as a positive that things are slowly re opening albeit at a slow pace but that's what we need.
Well done for going back to work in January. You're stronger than you think Thanks

Holothane · 02/06/2020 22:58

I was very low last September due to dh trying to get diagnosed for Parkinson, him having sciatica my eye being misty, ect I asked for citalaphran to be raised, made a huge difference, I was able to cope better.

JoMumsnet · 02/06/2020 23:05

Hi Deblou43,

We're really sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected], or call them, any time on 116 123. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you'll be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's a good idea to explore other options of support in real life too.

Please also check out Mind's website - they have lots of support for people who are struggling at the moment - Coronavirus and your mental health.

We really hope you're okay. Flowers

thenamesarealltaken · 02/06/2020 23:20

OP, life is worth living. But, I understand you questioning it, I've done it, many others have. But look, Spanish Flu in 1918 killed millions, both world wars killed millions, but we get back on our feet, build ourselves back up, and learn from it. We always do!
I once asked my good friend, who at 32, was in a mess, why she hasn't given up, and she said "because life is sweet". I'll never forget her saying that. When I say a mess, she had a rare form of diabetes 1 and osteoporosis. She picked up a TV remote controller and broke her wrist. She broke her leg by standing, and they couldn't operate as her heart was weak, so broken bones stayed bent. She had infections that were difficult to treat from the various tubes in her, etc. It was one thing after another, but she loved life. She had a job, rode horses and had a boyfriend. Within two years of her symptoms worsening, she had to give it all up, but kept smiling and kept wanting to wake up. Make life worth living, because life can be sweet. We will be ok. We will be out and about in no time. This will be a memory. There will be changes, but we will learn from this. A lot of people will appreciate the simpler and smaller things in life much more going forward. Distract yourself, save money from not spending as much by going out, treat yourself, read or watch a series you wouldn't normally have time for, go through recipe books, learn Spanish, card tricks or a musical instrument. Whatever you do, get or keep busy.
I write this suffering a severe headache, toothache and I think I've now got a water infection - great!

flameprincess · 02/06/2020 23:27

I think its so awful that people are having to go on ADs for the first time or increase their dose when we know the depression is situational. I've been off meds for over a year and had some really dark moments throughout this lockdown but it feels just suck a kick in the teeth to have to go back on ADs again when all I need is normal social activity again. Hope you find your solution OP, as the weeks go by we get closer to the other side I feel so much more positive now than I did a month ago.

Deblou43 · 03/06/2020 11:48

Thanks to everyone that replied I don't feel suicidal but I was talking to a lady she think social distancing for 2 years not sure I could cope with that I am constantly in tears due to this !

OP posts:
Flower34 · 03/06/2020 12:26

Your life is worth living for your boys alone. Do you realise you are the centre of their universe? And their anchor? You will be for a long long time!
Do you struggle for food and shelter? If you have food to eat and a roof over your head, you are in a better position than many many people in the world. What are you sad about? Not being able to party? Go to the cinema?

pr20481 · 03/06/2020 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ASandwichNamedKevin · 03/06/2020 13:07

@Flower34 depression is an illness, it's really not as simple as the OP being sad about not being able to party or go to the cinema. She had a breakdown last year, it takes a lot of strength to recover.

@Deblou43 the person you spoke to doesn't have a crystal ball, she doesn't know any better than anyone else how long social distancing will last for, bear that in mind.

Playdonut · 03/06/2020 13:33

OP we all feel like this. Fortunately support for social distancing is falling fast. We need to stay angry, we cant go under. We need you to join us so we can all hold the government to account for what they have done to us! Your babies need you too. Try and find somewhere to go where you don't have to social distance, see if that gives you a boost xx

Deblou43 · 03/06/2020 13:46

@Flower34 thanks for that to make me feel like sh@t you have obviously not suffered so please refrain from posting to this

OP posts:
longearedbat · 03/06/2020 14:39

I know what it's like to fall down that long dark hole op, I am beginning to teeter on the edge of it. Apart from getting any and all help you can from your gp etc, try and keep positive (but I know it's very hard). You are already doing a wonderful job by caring for your children. I think the worst thing at the moment for spreading doom and gloom is the media, including social media, so perhaps give this a miss for a while or limit it?
I have to force myself to do things because I keep thinking what is the point, but, if I have spent a day where I have chatted to a friend, had some exercise and perhaps had a small treat, it doesn't seem quite so bad. I just try to take it one day at a time and not go too far ahead. Keep that old pecker up op, this will pass.

tappitytaptap · 03/06/2020 14:47

@Flower34 not being able to party or go to the cinema? That’s hardly the extent of the restrictions on people’s lives. People are separated from loved ones, friends, hobbies.... I think it’s inevitable that it is going to have an effect on people’s mental health. Humans are not designed to live in this isolated way. My sympathies OP. It’s so so tough.

GoldenOmber · 03/06/2020 15:50

Bear in mind when people say that social distancing will continue for months or years:

  • they don’t know either, they are guessing
  • ‘social distancing’ covers a lot of things - we could still be ‘social distancing’ by having no big events and people wfh where possible but everything else back to normal, it wouldn’t always be like it is now
  • at some point probably quite soon, odds are very very good there will be a vaccine or an effective treatment anyway.

YANBU to find this tough because it really really is.

Thewheelsonthebus23 · 03/06/2020 17:10

I feel the same. The idea of having to social distance from our own families (who we don’t live with) or in some cases, not mine thankfully, from partners too.
It just feels so inhumane. I’m not bothered about big parties, gatherings, festivals, football games etc.

MrsTannyFickler · 03/06/2020 17:39

Ive had feelings like this im not depressed (I don't think). I just cant be arsed with l8fe like this. I sometimes think a nice long sleep would be good and if someone can wake me up when it's all done and dusted would be good.
I've had some weird thoughts recently. I think alot if us have more time to dwell even if wete rushed off our feet home schooling, wfh etc. There are just less distractions.
I don't think we're alone with these thoughts. Please don't act in them though. Keep talking and know this won't last forever.

Deblou43 · 03/06/2020 18:24

Thank you everyone I am having a bad few days I was in a terrible state last year and nearly got admitted and I know I am alive etc and feel guilty saying this but I just feel like I can't carry on with this social distancing .... I am also on my own working full time with 2 young children so exhausted I think I feel worse because of last year x

OP posts:
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