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Annoyed with partner - AIBU?

4 replies

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 02/06/2020 16:39

Ive just had an argument with partner and I genuinely want opinions on AIBU.

Step daughter drove across country with her boyfriend to surprise her mum on her birthday (in garden).

As she was in the area and we have not seen her since Christmas partner invited step daughter to pop in and see us (in the garden).

Step daughter works as a carer for the elderly for an agency so is very much a key worker on the front line. Her boyfriend is also a key worker in a front line demanding role who freely admits provision of ppe is not sufficiently available. They both do a fab job and we are really proud of them.

I was really looking forward to the visit but am working at the moment so only got a chance to nip into the garden for half an hour between meetings.

After my meetings and after SD and boyfriend left, partner told me he hugged her goodbye. I know it is the most natural thing in the world to want to do but I was quite upset by his thoughtlessness. This was not an unconscious instinctual accident because he told me how they had laughed when SD told him she had to secretly hug her mum earlier when other family members were not present. I had discussed earlier today how important keeping socially distance was due to my situation with my parents.

My mum is 87 years old and dad is in his 70's and while not strictly on the sheilding list their age obviously makes them vulnerable. I have to clean their house weekly (mainly the bathroom/toilet) to keep the area sanitary. It needs cleaning weekly due to mobility and sight issues. If I didn't have to do this I wouldnt, at the start of lockdown I did not go for 2 weeks and it got in a right state. They also need help with shopping etc. I wear a mask and absolutely keep distance and we have not hugged etc for months.

I also have not seen my daughter for months so understand how difficult this situation is when all we want is for our loved ones to be close.

I was really angry with my partner for initiating physical contact with SD knowing she is in a high risk front facing role involving her meeting numerous people everyday in their homes. He knows she lives in different household with multiple people including her boyfriend another key worker.

I don't want to come across as paranoid but Ive told him he has put me in a really difficult situation. I know it is unlikely but even the smallest possibility of infecting my parents weighs heavily on my mind. I know that at 87 years old the odds would be very much stacked against my mum if she caught COVID 19.

He was genuinely shocked I was upset and thinks I am being ridiculous.

OP posts:
Strangerthingshere · 02/06/2020 16:46

Given your situation, I don't think YABU. Fair enough if he wants to take the risk personally, but it's not just him it affects, especially if you care for your parents. I would be annoyed too.

HolyMilkBoobiesBatman · 02/06/2020 16:52

No, you aren’t being unreasonable in the circumstances you’ve described.

However, if he’s ‘genuinely surprised’ by your reaction it wasn’t something he did with malice.
I think in your situation I would make it clear to him that you’re hurt by his thoughtlessness and ask for his assurance it won’t happen again whilst you are providing care to you parents.

Beyond that, I’d try to let it go now. It’s done. Hanging on to anger when you’re presumably more or less glued to each other right now will just make your life miserable.

Soph88888 · 02/06/2020 16:53

It’s done now so what’s the point in being upset about it. Realistically it’s a very small chance of catching it, let alone passing or even having symptoms. If you really are worried wait 7 days before seeing your parents. Although if your that concerned I doubt you’re seeing them less than 2 m distance so it would be fine. Not really sure what your so upset about

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 02/06/2020 17:06

He absolutely did not do it with malice at all, he just thought that the possibility of catching it by hugging her is so small its not worth worrying about.

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