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Anyone else feeling desperately lonely despite "managing OK"?

26 replies

PasserbyEffect · 01/06/2020 23:16

I do have friends and family flooding their Facebook pages and What's App groups with random rants and harmless chatter. I do Skype weekly with my parents, and Signal every few days or so with my sister. I do enjoy plenty of family time with DH and our two DCs. I do keep in touch regularly with their teachers, and with my work colleagues, through various electronic means...

I do feel terribly lonely still. I thought working from home would be a nice break from office politics, and I sure don't miss the commute, but I guess I do miss the whingy gossips and laddish comradeship of my (ridiculously male dominated) workplace. I'm finding (socially distanced) random small talk at the supermarket till strangely uplifting.

And I'm tired of putting up a brave face at all times, but I don't want anyone to worry or feel bad, and I'll brush my feelings aside and instead go and check everyone is OK, and try to crack a joke or say something cheerful to make them smile, or pretend I know what I'm doing so that they can feel reassured things are under control, and offer helpful advice to feel needed...

... Anyone else? If so, what keeps you sane? Do you just bottle it all up, or do you have people in your life you can truly open to and lean on? Do you feel compelled to act all grown up and responsible at all times even though you feel confused and vulnerable? Or do you just let the mask slip and show your true feelings, warts and all, safe in the knowledge they will be accepted and you won't lose the love and respect of those around you?

Aside from that, I'm OK, honest...

OP posts:
Notcontent · 01/06/2020 23:50

Yes, I am a bit lonely. It’s just me and dd at home. I am wfh but have had more time than usual to ponder about life and the fact that I am a bit isolated.

Notcontent · 01/06/2020 23:51

Sorry - wanted to add that I am sure lots of people are feeling life that.

StrawberryJam200 · 01/06/2020 23:55

Yup. Up and down. Phone calls etc are lovely but there's so many big issues to talk about you don't get round so much to the personal ones. Or don't want to seem self obsessed when others are going through such terrible things

RoryGillmoresEvilTwin · 01/06/2020 23:59

Yes I'm lonely.
It's just me and ds and it's made me realise that even before this, despite a frantically busy life 90% of the time, that I was already lonely.

Friends that have boyfriends/partners can't wait to see them again. I wish I had that. I wish I had someone who was desperate to see me :/

Don't get me wrong. I'm sure my mum is looking forward to seeing me (seeing ds!) but it's not the same.
My loneliness has been thrown into stark contrast by this.

purpleme12 · 02/06/2020 00:00

Really lonely

Yet Everyone I speak to says they're all good

RoryGillmoresEvilTwin · 02/06/2020 00:03

I say I'm good too @purpleme 😂

It's the done thing isn't it!

PasserbyEffect · 02/06/2020 00:15

Ah! Ahoy, fellow ship-wrecked at home. Sometimes, in our splendid house-isolation, I feel like I'm the captain of a ship sailing on the vast ocean, or an astronaut in a space station, and I brush off that gloomy empty feeling, replacing it with a sense of adventure and excitement. But really my life isn't that exciting. I miss the whole world. I hate that fractured world of households islands we're left with.
It's boring as hell. And somehow, exhausting, and scary too (in a "what the hell is going to happen next?" fashion)

I don't whinge openly, we're "surviving" ok, could be worse, etc. But really it's just too weird. Something essential is missing. (freedom maybe? It's like living in a glass prison sometimes)
I try to look forward to small things (like buying some seeds for the garden, or doing some fun school project with DCs). And I try not to think about cancelled plans (like actually seeing family in person, or joining a local club to enjoy a new hobby and make some new friends, etc. First world problems, obviously...). It's like life has been put on hold indefinitely. And I feel like crying because the local shop has no bloody flour left and I can't bake that birthday cake I promised my youngest DS for his birthday. It's nothing, really, and yet it's everything, because it's all we have left, once you remove everything else.
(sorry for being gloomy as fuck. Sometimes the mask as to go and I do need a good old rant)

OP posts:
PasserbyEffect · 02/06/2020 00:25

I really wonder how many say they're OK when really they're feeling sad and lonely. Sending you all warm safe virtual hugs, by the way Flowers

It's hard to whinge about the small things when there's people dying out there. Or who have lost their livelihood. Makes me feel guilty and "weak"/inadequate. But it's only human, really?
I just feel so powerless, only able to look after me and my "crew", but unable to make a difference in the great scheme of things.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 02/06/2020 00:44

I don't really understand why people say they're ok when they're not
I don't expect people to give their life story or anything but it's a bit of a lie if you say the opposite, doesn't help anyone either

I don't know if the people I spoke are ok or just said that. But it's all I've got to go on

PasserbyEffect · 02/06/2020 01:15

I don't really understand why people say they're ok when they're not

For me that'd be usually because I know the other person is both judgmental and gossipy (my mum...), or because I know they'd worry yet be unable to help much because they have too much on their plate (DH)

Not saying you are either! Maybe they are quite proud and feel they have to seem perfect all the time. Maybe they can't admit it even to themselves from fear they'll fall apart. It can be quite irrational really (and, indeed, unhelpful).
Or maybe they are doing OK, obviously (it happens, I guess!)

Oh, and also the "doing OK" feeling can vary a lot over time (I feel more gloomy in the evening, for instance)

In any case, I feel for you, purple. It sounds like you're having a tough time. I hope things look brighter for you soon.

OP posts:
Allyfromtheblock · 02/06/2020 03:02

Not feeling ok too. Trying to stay sane and positive for my DD. It is just her and me really so trying to stay strong for her. Very difficult to do when you realize you were mostly spending time on everyday school run work home in the life before lockdown and do not have many close friendships..

Tulips01 · 02/06/2020 09:10

I live alone and am the shielded group so haven’t been out of the house in months. I don’t have any family and few friends so am finding the isolation and loneliness very tough.

Ginandtonic4all · 02/06/2020 09:16

You are me! I feel exactly like that. Except I haven't been able to keep it in and my DD and DP have had to watch me fall apart this week.

I also find it really tough to take pleasure in the little things when what I want is big things! Like a holiday, like being in the office, being able to make new friends.

Also I have just been 'dumped' by one of my oldest best friends and that hurts. I'm 47 and crying over a lost friendship.

It's pants!!!!

CeCe668 · 03/06/2020 11:05

I feel exactly the same! I feel awfully lonely having just moved to a new area three weeks before lockdown I don’t know anyone! I try and keep it together for my little girl and OH as he is stressed enough being self employed at the moment.
I just really miss my family and can’t wait to be able to see them again! Hopefully life will get to some kind of normality soon xx

EBearhug · 03/06/2020 11:30

Me. Other than people serving me in shops and my next door neighbour across yhe garden talking about the rat problem, I haven't seen anyone face-to-face since early March. I do appreciate Zoom calls and so on, but I did also get to a point where I was feeling a bit saturated by video conferencing. And it's been nice to have more time in the garden. But I don't know when I'll next properly see someone face-to-face. Most friends and family don't live close, and those that do are still shielding for health conditions and in any case, I'm just not top of anyone's list of people they want to meet up with, and it's completely reasonable they want to see siblings and parents first.

It hadn't really bothered me till a week or so ago, but this week I am struggling with the pointlessness of my life.

DDIJ · 03/06/2020 11:40

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EBearhug · 03/06/2020 11:58

Yes, but in usual life, I at least see people at my yoga class and swimming and in the office, even if none of them are the sort of person I could call at 3am. (No one is the sort of person I could call at 3am.) Whereas I haven’t any of that just now.

Tulips01 · 03/06/2020 13:24

@EBearhug That is me as well. When I was able to go to work and the gym at least I had some human contact - no there is none.

DDIJ · 03/06/2020 13:33

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Napssavelives · 03/06/2020 13:36

Yep. Single parent here. It’s hard

Cooltalkin · 03/06/2020 13:45

@PasserbyEffect
You can make flourless cake , have a little google , hope you have time before dc birthday .
I have my dp but he is not a chatty person And certainly not about girls stuff . I need my girlfriends for talks about shoes and whether we can lose the lockdown weight !
Chin up

purpleme12 · 03/06/2020 15:56

Yep I agree it's the fact that I'm not going out to work anymore (wfh) so don't have that interaction
And that change

emmathedilemma · 03/06/2020 16:09

same, i never thought i'd miss some of my colleagues so much, and i feel like i feel really cut off from them apart from the few who are in my current project teams. In terms of business development and opportunities that come about as a result of "office chat" it could be really detrimental to both the business and individuals in the long term.
It's "ok" in that i'm fit and healthy, and can get my food shopping no problem, and i still have a job, and now I can meet another person outside (whoop whoop!) but 10 weeks with no real human interaction other than chats with the neighbours has been really miserable.

Tryeveryday · 08/02/2021 13:58

Hi everyone. Hope you don’t mind me jumping in. Like everyone fed up of being stuck inside, no routine, no job (got made redundant) taking its toll

doubleshotespresso · 08/02/2021 14:04

Yes actually me too. I've really hit a massive walk today abd just don't seem to be able to operate properly. Failed at everything I've tried to do today.
I'm ft Carer to our disabled child and have homeschooled since first lockdown. Was all fine and super organised til last couple of weeks but I'm a mess this week- I've just lost all my energy and momentum.
DP still wfh but by the time I get to sit down at night we barely have time to chat.
I feel so lost and so rundown with this relentless 24/7 cooking, cleaning, schooling, medical chasing, school negotiations endless paperwork I'm still yet to file properly. Not had a break since last February-I've literally done this 24/7 since then I'm really low today.
Sorry for the rant 😌

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