Hit the wall today. Hand hold warning!

[Whattodowhattodooo]

Proper hit the wall today. Can't stop crying. Not about the virus, about lockdown. Kids at home. 5 year old becoming a hermit despite having a new lovely big pool in the garden. 11 month old overtired, whinging, won't go to sleep. Trying to wfh, just not happening. Just want my parents to come take the girls for a couple of hours. Trying to keep the house tidy. Blood pressure through the fucking roof. Nan dead and all I want to do is chat with her and hear her laugh. Covered head to toe in bastard heat rash. Just read law being passed today to actually make it illegal to be in any other house accept your own (yes I know it's always been guidance) but now an actual law. Constant reports of people being disgusted about beaches. I'm so very very very very tired with it all. Had enough. Need sleep, need peace and quiet, need a drink, need this to be over. Sorry.

You are having a super shit day. Don’t know what to say really but couldn’t leave your post unanswered.

I guess my thing would be, it’s ok not to be ok. My m7m died five weeks ago and the rest of lockdown has been horrible too. I don’t have small kids though so I take my hat off to you. Whatever I’ve had I know would have been incredibly difficult with little ones. Can You find time to take a Peaceful bath? I’m having trouble structuring my time and only just getting into 8t 5 weeks after Mum died. Still not there yet though.

Thoughts are with you. You are not alone!

@NunchukNinja

Thank you for your reply and sorry for your loss I'm generally quite a positive person but today has just done me in. No idea why. I've been trying to limit myself on SM and news, but 5 minutes into the news this morning and I was just FFS!!!! Everyone going on about what other people are doing.... Just argghhh!!

It's horrible isn't it when everything piles up on you. I'm not up on the latest updates but presume your parents can't take the children yet? It sounds as if you need a couple of days break, not just a couple of hours. When the children go to bed, go to bed yourself and get some much needed sleep. Does the youngest sleep through?

Lots of people hitting the wall over the last few days (anecdotally).

It's grief - loss of all possibilities. Too much uncertainty. And that goes for you and the children. My 5 year old is in a right state - we have a 'den' in every room in the house for her to sit in. Frankly I could do with sitting in a den for a few hours too.

The childcare thing is relentless. We had children in the knowledge that it takes a village to bring up a child, and we had access to that. Now the village isn't accessible, it's all a bit shit. For all of us.

Ignore the 'laws', use your instinct and your common sense around risk. Mental health is as important as physical health.

I lost it big time with DH yesterday, full on screaming at him from the garden over the cat flap needing new batteries and his expecting me to know how to reprogram it again, ffs last did that 3 years ago!

I’m so sorry OP. The overtired 11 month would be enough work at the best of times.

I'm not the one setting the rules (and I'm generally cautious re: contagion etc.)
But in your case I'd say unironically you could "pull a Cummings", and actually rely on your parents for a bit of help before it becomes a safeguarding issue (not judging you: looking after small children can be soul-crushingly hard. Do what it's your and your family's best interest)

I'd pull a cummings too, OP - you are in need of care and help

@SummerSnapdragon I nearly lost my shit yesterday too with DP and DS. One kept waiting till I'd nearly finished doing something to ask, 'Do you want me to do that?' (answer in my head: well, I've fucking done it now ); and the other is being weirdly over-protective to a degree that has started to feel stifling. Aaaaagh.

Thankyou all....for your replies ❤️ I called my mum and her exact words were "If I can go buy a new fucking car today, whilst sitting on a bus surrounded by bloody strangers, then I can go and have my grandchilden so their mother doesn't top herself, get your arses in the car now and come down". Suffice to say we did.... and I can now hear myself think whilst having a cup of tea, with a slight undercurrent of guilt 🙄

That's brilliant OP. Hope you get some much needed rest, peace and a nice chat. Your mum sounds lovely. Let us know how you get on. Not necessarily today, tomorrow etc (don't want to heap more on to you!)

Look after your mental health and your family's welfare, OP. Let's face it, this government isn't going to

You need to be able to manage your very young family in these difficult times, and if that means seeking help when you know you are low, and also unwell with heat rash and hypertension, and grieving, and you have no other resources, then that's what you have to do.

@Whattodowhattodooo hope you have a better day tomorrow and sometimes we have to do what we have to do. You did the right thing to go to your Mum. Don't bother making dinner just make sandwiches for tea and call it a picnic in the garden.

Good. That’s completely and utterly the right decision

Thankyou all for the messages. I sat myself down on the sofa with my work laptop, popped on Scrubs on the TV and banged out 2 hours worth of work and it felt amazing. 😊

Don’t feel guilty you clearly needed a little break. Your mum sounds amazing and such a supportive grandparent. My DP didn’t have my DC pre lockdown so they won’t be rushing to help us anytime soon. My youngest dc has autism and to say these last 10 weeks have been challenging is an understatement. We’ve had our good days don’t get me wrong but it’s been relentless and no sign of break in sight for a long time yet. Anyway I hope you get to enjoy some peace and quiet.

Your mum is ace.

@ravensoaponarope

She really is. I adore my babies, but god it's been nice ❤️

Well done OP. Hope things improve. Think the reality is lots of us have had to use our own judgement in this madness. I completely, totally and utterly lost my shit twice early on as my Mum was dying. DH is a lovely chap but totally effing useless on a practical level on everything except cooking. The straw that broke the camels back was when I actually ran out of clothes because the washing apparently does it itself.

And Remember Mumsnet is always here, these amazing people have saved me a gazillion times over DSs 15 years. Late at night, early doors, weekends, Christmas. There’s always some kind souls around, who will always at the very least let you know that you’re not going mad and that you’re not alone.