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Original poster

kids from different households into garden?

41 replies

beammeupsc0tty · 31/05/2020 21:30

I don't know whether my husband is being OTT or not and interested as to what others are doing.
A mum friend from my son's school messaged me to ask about possibly coming over to spend time in the garden next week with our kids. She understood I may not be keen so just floated the idea to see how I'd feel. We have chosen not to send our child back to school until September (my son has just recently been diagnosed with asthma albeit I believe it's mild and I have a newborn). To be honest I considered it but hubby felt it was too soon and was very anxious about it so I agreed to wait until September. My friend knows we have decided this as we had to give an answer to the school.

Anyhoo onto the garden meet up, I was tempted because my son could really do with seeing a friend, I really feel it would be so lovely and beneficial for him but husband again thinks now is not the time as they won't social distance (5 years old).

I'm kind of thinking yes they won't but kids are less at risk, they are going to be outdoors, is it really that bad as long as I distance from the other adults. I can't convince hubby but it's frustrating me... I keep saying to him what's going to change in 2/3 months?! We can't shield him forever!

Just interested in what others think / are doing.

OP posts:

Hmmmmminteresting · 31/05/2020 21:36

We have avoided all contact from everyone including immediate family etc. However my 2 x dc are due back to nursery this week so when my friend with dc the same ages (4 and under) asked us if we wanted to pop over to their garden yesterday morning we decided to go.
My dc need interaction from other children and after watching them play and leave on such a high I didnt regret our choice.
We just made sure that me and other mum kept 2m apart the whole time, as we are of the opinion that if the stats are true children are a lot less likely to catch it. So if me or other mum should catch it we wont have to declare each other to track and trace unless dc get it too

bigchris · 31/05/2020 21:38

Oh yes I'd totally do that op

I'd tell dh that government advice let's you do that, which it does , its a real shame he cant go back to school

tempnamechange98765 · 31/05/2020 21:39

I can't comment on the asthma element, but otherwise I think I would. My DS is 4 and due to start reception in September, and I'm going to broach the subject of possibly meeting outside to scoot or something with the mum of his friend from nursery at some point. We are in Wales so schools not going back any time soon, and DS has spent so much of his life around just adults, I feel so sad that when he was finally developing his social skills a bit, this happened. Thank goodness DS2 (15 months) started walking at the beginning of lockdown, so he at least feels a bit more like a play mate!

MaHeidsGouping · 31/05/2020 21:42

I started this week to let my Dds friend from the street in to play. I've stuck to the rules from the beginning but now feel it just isn't healthy for her not to see or speak to anyone face to face. They are 6 so playtime was much needed...for them and me.

Nixen · 31/05/2020 21:47

We went and spent a couple of hours in our friends garden today. The adults all stayed 2m apart and we didn’t step foot inside their house. The kids are just toddlers so did their one thing and ran around, not like they sit close together for long!

We felt the (small) risk was worth the (huge) reward.

Go for it OP. Today was the first time in 10 weeks my little girl saw another child her age, that is not sustainable or healthy for anyone!

Crayolalala · 31/05/2020 21:50

I feel like it’s less risky to do this now, when most people have been in lockdown, then say, in a few months time when more parents will have been back to work / other kids back at school etc.

FulfilledRemit · 31/05/2020 21:55

It's happening on our street. No indoor play, but kids playing together outside - yes.

delilahbucket · 31/05/2020 21:59

I would definitely do this. Perhaps encourage socially distant games, kicking a ball around, tennis. Encourage the kids not to touch their face and regular hand washing (can you bring a bowl of water outside for the friend to wash their hands regularly? Set a time limit for them to stay, maybe an hour. It really will do your child a world of good. My son met a friend for a bike ride on Wednesday. They're 12, so a very different age, but it has improved his mood so much.

Epigram · 31/05/2020 22:04

I'd do this, but then I'd also send him back to school. I guess if you're keeping him off school it would be a bit silly to meet up with friends out of school.

Divebar · 31/05/2020 22:04

My DD hasn’t met up with anyone and I think it’s incredibly detrimental to her mental well being. I would like her to meet a friend and have a play outside. From what I can see there are a number of children playing in our area so it seems like I’m not in the minority.

Springhere · 31/05/2020 22:05

It's a difficult decision if you and your dh feel differently. I'm taking my dc to a friend's garden next week and, for me, the small risk outweighs the huge benefit. My older dc (7) has been missing her friends terribly and I can't imagine keeping her away from them for another 3 months.

Maybe you could ask your dh what would need to happen to make him feel less anxious (e.g. lower numbers of cases, track and trace in place?). These are such difficult decisions to make.

Uhoh2020 · 31/05/2020 22:11

Definitely make the most of the nice weather and get the children playing together. At 5 they will not social distance though so be prepared for that.

TimeWastingButFun · 31/05/2020 22:13

I wouldn't as the rules are still 2m apart, and 5 year olds would probably feel more distressed by being made to play apart than not seeing each other at all - they won't be able to share toys, etc. Obviously they are less at risk themselves, but they can be spreaders.

Original poster

beammeupsc0tty · 31/05/2020 22:14

Thanks all for your input, it's nice to know I'm not crazy to think this is doable, I honestly feel husband has become very paranoid throughout this whole thing which is completely understandable but we can't live like this forever. It became a bit of an argument because of course I have to take his feelings into consideration and I may hold off for now but I'm not shielding my son in this way for the entire summer that is just not fair on his mental well-being.

I keep asking him what's going to have to change for him to feel comfortable about it and he really doesn't give an answer other than to say right now he feels he doesn't trust the government's judgment on everything and in time he may feel better about it. I'm due to go back to work in September (mat leave ATM) and on the school subject I kept asking what will we do then as baby will be with childminder and son will have to go to school, still he refuses to answer saying that well have a lot more knowledge by then etc. I really don't think we will...

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 31/05/2020 22:20

I can't see the point of allowing this but not sending him back to school. I'd just do both.

confusednortherner · 31/05/2020 22:39

Its tricky isn't it, ds is 12 and also asthmatic. He's not left house since school finished except to go in garden, bike rides (seen no one as we are quite rural) or to sit in car while I collected our food shopping. This week he's met a friend to cycle around with. I wasn't keen but it's done him the world of good , his mood was dreadful and he was very anxious. The fresh air and seeing a person in real life is far better than virtually!
I think there's a huge difference between meeting one friend and going back to school so in your position I'd be tempted to meet up but still keep him away from school.

Duckfinger · 01/06/2020 07:17

I think if I was you I would allow a meet up as long as the other child hasn't been back to school. Just thinking of the cross contamination of different groups.
However, you have to remember that to pass on the virus you have to have the virus and such a small number of the population do ( less than 1%) you are unlikely to come into contact with it even in a full school. Distancing reduces the risk even further, the more I think about it seeing people now while the numbers are so low is probably safer than September if we get a second wave.

Duckfinger · 01/06/2020 07:18

numbers are so low as a percentage of population

Flowerfairy2020 · 01/06/2020 07:22

I wouldn’t do this. If everyone looks for loopholes in the guidance we have been given and makes their own judgement on the risks, then the infection rate will increase and force us all into a more severe lockdown again.

Duckfinger · 01/06/2020 07:38

@Flowerfairy2020

This isn't a loophole though is it, socially distanced meetings of up to 6 outdoors including in gardens are within guidelines. Whether it raises the infection rate (I don't think it will you have to have the virus to pass it on even if not distancing) remains to be seen but it is within guidelines.

Flowerfairy2020 · 01/06/2020 07:58

Fair enough, if the children keep apart (2m) and don’t share toys then I guess it’s not a loophole.

Alex50 · 01/06/2020 07:58

The risk to children is so low, this BBC article says 3 children have died under the age of 15:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-52003804

Frazzled2207 · 01/06/2020 08:04

My kids are 5 and 6.
I plan to do this though initially I think I will do walks/ bike rides as a bit easier that way to limit physical interaction.
I’m only going to be seeing their best friends though (plus a parent). Definitely not lots of different kids.
They definitely need the social interaction now- are fed up of each other !

babybythesea · 01/06/2020 08:04

I’d do this rather than sending them back to school.
Time to play and just be with their friends, rather than “There is your friend, sitting 2m away at that desk over there. Now, maths...No, you can’t use the dressing up, we took it away because we can’t clean it quickly.”
I think the rules that let kids back into a classroom but, because of the max of 6, mean that most families can’t meet other families, based on each family having 4 members, are crazy.

Frazzled2207 · 01/06/2020 08:08

Ps I know many people like your husband and I generally respect others’ opinions on these matters. But I agree with you this virus is not going to go away anytime soon and I really am not sure how things will be any different in September. We can’t keep our children locked up indefinitely. At some point we have to decide we are comfortable with the (low) risk and try and deal with it.

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