Why do some people want to be miserable?

[PinkmansCut]

So dd has a friend from school, she's 5 and lives with her mum. Her mum has all sorts of 'ailments' despite being in her twenties and jogs three miles every day. She's one of these with no official diagnosis for anything but she's sure she has it according to Web MD. Her GP won't give her a shielding letter but she's sure she should be shielding due to her asthma. I work in the NHS with tons of people with asthma who are still working.

She constantly posts long articles about how dodgy it is to send your dc's back to school and is proud of the fact that she hasn't left the house for 120 days. Yesterday she posted that 'Its not safe, we are not going out until it is.' I can't stop feeling sorry for her dd, stuck in with no other company for months on end. The mum is constantly saying she's exhausted and needs to sleep for long amounts in the day, what is the 5 year old doing whilst she sleeps? My dd would prod me constantly until I played with her.

With no official reason to stay in I see no reason why they can't go for a walk to somewhere remote. What's the worst that can happen?
I don't think she's alone in this. I heard a very young mum say yesterday 'it's so confusing what we can and can't do she what's safe. That's why we're just going to stay inside until it's definitely safe. We won't be meeting family and friends in the park!' I can't deal with this superior air of making yourself and your dc's miserable for no reason (not shielding or vulnerable) can anyone tell me why they're so illogical?

They just are.

You live your life and let them get on with theirs.

I do agree it sounds like a terrible shame for the 5 year old who can't go out/see anyone though.

Different people make diferent choices. No one knows what's actually happening and we are all making the best choices we can with what we know and understand

Some people are scared I think. They've let the anxiety take over.

Some people are miserable and want everyone else to be miserable with them.

Sounds like anxiety with a side order of depression to me. I very much doubt she's doing/saying these things to be superior, and I would be concerned about the impact on her dd. It might be worth mentioning to school, they may be in a position to tactfully offer/signpost to some support.

Sleeping for long hours in the day leaving her child unaccompanied I assume? That doesn’t sound good!!

Sounds like she has an issue with anxiety. There is help available for that, but she would need to recognise I as an issue.

I’m curious how she is managing to jog 3 miles while not leaving the house.

Strange how many OPs have imaginary friends who prove a point they are trying to make.

Like the OP's imaginary friend who apparently doesn't leave the house but jogs 3 miles a day.

She must have a big garden.

I wonder if she is related to Dominic Cummings?

Some people are REVELLING in it. Partly because they are frightened, and partly because some people love taking a superior attitude like it's some sort of competition with prizes for the longest you can go without speaking to someone or leaving the house.

How can she jog 3 miles a day but doesn't leave the house? Are you telling porkies?
Oh, and it's none of your business.

Sounds clear to me that she's having MH issues, whether it's anxiety or depression and it's not right to suggest she chooses to be miserable. So many things affect the way people view situations and the world around them - genetics, upbringing, personal experiences. Not all minds function the same way. Good for you if you are able to be positive.

A single parent to a 5 year old who jogs 3 miles every day without leaving the house... hmm

What a load of rubbish op!

Obviously I meant she jogged prior to COVID. Do you think I should ask her if she's ok? I have before and she's been quite dismissive?

Not left the house for 120 days? That’s mid January, before we had any idea what was going to happen

My mum was born miserable

Hard to see how this is affecting you really, and lots of people are uneasy about sending children back to school at this stage. I’d say live and let live. I’m not sure whether anyone ‘wants’ to be miserable.

govt has encouraged a "only safe risk is zero risk" attitude.

I know someone with chronic untreated asthma who is hiding from world to avoid covid. They won't get treated for the asthma but the asthma is so important that they must avoid covid. It's not news that people are irrational, I guess.

I have a friend like this. A complete joy sponge. I can list so many wonderful things that have happened in her life (recently passed her driving test, bought a car) but that didn't make it to Facebook. All the negative stuff like 'I'm so tired' and 'I feel so ill' are posted regularly. I think it just becomes a habit. That said, I went through a shit time in pre Facebook years and maybe I would have done similar? (I hope not).

Covid is legitimising a ton of really awful parenting bordering on child protection issues.

Some people have a health anxiety or are nervous and anxious in general. This pandemic has highly amplified that anxiety for these people. The fact that many other normally non anxious people have been worried has just confirmed their worst fears.
Other people just revel in the attention they get from others when they say they have x ailment. Maybe they didn’t get enough positive attention as kids? Maybe they were just born that way. Who knows. One thing for sure, people are drawn to others who make them feel good. Boone really wants to be friends with someone who is miserable all the time

Do you think I should ask her if she's ok?

As long as you know in advance what you will say/ do if she says "no I'm not".

The times she seemed dismissive - don't assume they were pointless. People like to know others care, even if they aren't ready to talk.

But she may not realise herself what the problem is. I was plagued for years with minor health issues that had me traipsing back and forth to the GP. When I got help for depression/anxiety my physical health "miraculously" improved too. But for a long time I had no idea that that was what it was. I thought people with depression cried all the time.

How do you KNOW she hasn't left the house in 120 days, OP?

Have you been watching her non-stop for 120 days?!

I'm not sure it's your neighbour you should be worried about in this scenario, OP.

Have you thought of enjoying your own life more and obsessing less about your neighbour?

For the record, I have not the faintest idea of whether or not my neighbours have left their house or when, on account of the fact I don't watch my neighbours' every movement.

I'm a bit scared for your neighbour, actually OP, but more because she is unwittingly apparently being stalked by you.

It's not my neighbour...

well this thread went well....