Anxiety about nursery return

[abczyx]

My eldest is going back to school and I'm largely content with that. She's in a small class and the school is well organised and sensible plans are in place. I also know that it is only 5 weeks until the end of term. She is excited to go back and to end the year. So, taking everything in to account, I can accept the risks because of the overall benefit.

My son is 2 and having not heard anything from nursery, I assumed we would be looking at an end of June return. However he's been offered a place from Monday and after some deliberation we said yes. I'm now having a major wobble and my anxiety has increased.

We've been safely at home since March. The number of new cases in the country seems alarmingly high and I'm concerned by the scientific advice that this is all too soon. Once he goes back, we are committed to fees again, so whilst we can withdraw him if we become concerned, we will be charged (there is a 3 month notice period). That makes me feel a bit out of control. Safety measures in place at nursery but they are all toddlers. It is making me uneasy.

I'm very confused and I'm feeling anxious. Husband and I both trying to work. 2 year old has had fun at home with sister but he's shortly to lose his play mate to school. He would clearly benefit socially from a return.

Can anyone help me think this through? I could ask for a later start date but I'm not sure what difference that would make, or whether I'd feel any more comfortable then. Part of me would dearly love him to go back, and I perhaps feel guilty for having those feelings.

The risk to your toddler is tiny, minuscule as long as he has no health concerns. The risk to his development from staying home with no playmates is worse in my opinion. Get him back, he’ll love it and you’ll be able to get some work done. Toddlers won’t/can’t social distance and there’s no need for them to either.

Don't feel guilty, it's been a long few months! How many hours a week will he be doing? You say youll have to pay for 3 months, but the Summer Holidays start before then, so would that actually apply?
DS's nursery are only having the older children back, so the decision has been taken away from me and he won't be returning til September.

Thank you. It has been a hard slog and we've survived and had some fun, but it's not sustainable. I'm stressed about work and tired.

He will be there 3 days a week. It's a day nursery so they operate through the summer. So we are committing to fees from now. If we withdraw him because we get concerned, we will still have to pay. The only way to prevent that will be to give notice. They have waived fees up until now, but once we commit to a return date, they start again, understandably. So waiting a few weeks would save money but I'm not sure I'll be any more clear of my thoughts at that point.

I completely understand your concern and have had the same torment myself. I am
WFH with a toddler (DH out to work 7-5/7 each day) and am under increasing pressure to meet deadlines and increase my output. I’m crumbling mentally. But also nervous about returning DS to nursery.

I have found a local childminder who will not have many children through June atleast because she has some school age children who’s parents aren’t sending them. This is my happy medium. I loved his nursery and think long term I’d prefer a nursery. But feel
happier with a childminder in the meantime.

I’m sending my daughter back on Tuesday, she also goes 3 days a week. I’m happy with my decision, my daughter hasn’t played or interacted with another child for 10 weeks 😞 but that doesn’t stop me feeling a bit anxious! The uncertainty of life & the future is really hard to process I think.

I friend who’s little girl (age 3) is in remission from cancer. She’s been cancer free for almost a year now. Her oncologist has said he is happy for her to return to nursery. This is despite the chemo completely wiping out her immune system & her needing all her immunisations again. Her oncologist has told my friend she’s more at risk from catching measles than coronavirus. Not in terms of how likely she is to catch it, both are obviously very contagious, but in terms of how ill she’s likely to be from catching either of them.

It’s massively put my mind at ease that my seemingly healthy daughter should also be OK! Obviously, there’s always a risk of being unlucky & your child becoming more ill but it’s the same with every illness really. Even a cold could & does sometimes lead to sepsis..

Ps. Yes. I also feel guilty for the part of me that wants my daughter to go back so I can have a break! I have a newborn as well & im beyond exhausted juggling the two of them 24/7 at home, trying to keep them quiet because Daddy is working, no family support & nowhere to go such as toddler groups, gym class etc where my elder daughter can burn off steam & be distracted! But equally, I think my daughter needs a break from all things baby as much as I need some time to nap while the baby naps or at least sit down & try recover from a sleepless night!

Thank you for all of your replies. It's so helpful to hear this is a dilemma for so many people. I'm concerned for my son, and also about the risk of him bringing it home to us (we have no specific risk factors but it's nevertheless a worry). I'm feeling a little more positive this morning but will keep mulling it over.

You might find this article helpful
www.rcpch.ac.uk/resources/covid-19-research-evidence-summaries

I’ve had the same concerns - logically I know that the risk of my 4 year old and 1 year old catching covid-19 from nursery is low and far lower still is the risk that they would become seriously ill from it. However the reality is we have been at home since lock down so navigating back to ‘normal’ (in that respect) is inevitably going to feel a bit unnerving. I expect once they’re back it’ll feel ok again. It’s making that step!
We have been struggling with wfh and childcare so It’s going to be a huge huge help. I also do believe it’s not good for them to be so cloistered away - my 4 year old is due to start school in sept and nursery is going to be so important for helping to transition him.

Anyway - long story short I sympathise but genuinely do feel that the risk is very low - both to them and us. The research above suggests transmission from children to adults is low. I’m not a scientist but I’d imagine that even if they did transmit it to you the viral load would be low, so you might not get it badly. That is my very very unscientific opinion though!!

(Caveat my nursery is quite small and most parents wfh and no one uses public transport. Collectively we are a low risk group).

Ps @Bol87 that’s helpful and interesting about your friend’s child. I also have a friend whose baby (1yr old) has an immune system disorder and her consultant has said basically the same thing - she was unsure whether to risk him having the MMR as his reaction to the live virus might mean he has to go to hospital and obviously being in hospital increases his risk of catching Covid19. The consultant said as above that it would be more dangerous for him to catch measles and get seriously ill from that.