WWYD..seeing parents

[2007Millie]

Now you can meet each other in gardens etc, I would really like to see my mum.

I haven't see her since around a month prior to when lockdown started

However

She lives 6 hours away and I have a toddler, so doing a journey there and back in one day without staying simply isn't feasible

What would you do?

@thenightsky

I can feel the sadness in your post. I truly hope you get to see your daughter soon

2007Millie - I’m sure I do loads of things that aren’t on the MN approved list, not necessarily lockdown related.

I just don’t post them on here.

I’ve not seen my mum since February half term when we met for a cup of coffee at a motorway service station. She lives 3 hours drive away. We won’t be going to see her or her coming to us since we would need to stay 2m away from her. I’m not Dominic Cummings, the rules aren’t ambiguous.

The arbitrary rules are infuriating.

Essentially we should be focusing on risk of spreading the virus, and risk assessing accordingly. So in your case unfortunately you do risk having to stop en route on a long journey, and you risk moving the virus from one part of the country to another.

If you can confidently eliminate that risk, and make sure you have no risk of passing it to your mother... then what is the issue?

I'd probably hold out a few more weeks for the 'rules' to relax a bit, so you feel more comfortable. But the absurd thing is that at the point at which lockdown is ended... the risk of you transferring the virus to your Mum is still there. It won't magically go away. So you just have to assess the risk yourself, take the precautions you need, and try your best.

We won’t be going to see her or her coming to us since we would need to stay 2m away from her

But you're going to have to stay 2m away from her until either a) you've had the virus and we are confident that makes you immune from catching it thus spreading it again (and we aren't confident of that yet) or b) there is a vaccine.

So until that time - and we're talking months at best, more likely years - then you risk spreading the virus to people. The rules wont' change this fact.

There may never be a vaccine Ima. Getting and keeping the number of cases very low is the key to freedom.

A few weeks ago I would have said no way to the tent but the Cummings stuff has really changed my views. He needs to go if they want people to stick to the rules.

Then I probably won’t see my mum again.

There may never be a vaccine Ima. Getting and keeping the number of cases very low is the key to freedom.

Yeah, I'm not holding out much hope for the vaccine. But even if the number of cases is very low.... would you ever be confident enough that you don't have it to go and give your mother a hug?

I guess if they really get on top of the contact tracing thing, to a point that people can really feel confident that they haven't come into contact with someone who has the virus.. then we can assume the risk is lower. But I still can't see how I could assume I definitely didn't have it and therefore could definitely have contact with my parents.

That’ll go down well. There’s never a vaccine so you NEVER hug your mum or start a new relationship?

Imagine if you got pregnant by someone you didn’t live with! The audacity! Would you be “reported” by the midwife? 🤔

People, you can't seriously say you are never going to see your friends and family again if there isn't a vaccine! Surely not.

What, so single people like me, are just going to become socially distanced sexless lonely people. Fuck that!

No - I think at some point younger lower risk people will just decide 'fuck it' and take their chances. But for older vulnerable people.... if my parents get it, I can't see them surviving it. I can't bear the thought of being the one to give it to them.

They may of course take their own decision to live their lives more freely and accept the risks. They want to hug their grandchildren. They want to go on holiday.

To add another point, I am happy (as is my mother) to go to a local test centre and get a test (obviously fib and say we have been having symptoms etc) to see whether we currently have it asymptomatically

I wouldn't go, it's not allowed. You could get spotted on the ANPR and sent back home having been fined. You are allowed to travel but you have to return to your usual home to sleep. It's not an essential journey either. My family live eight hours away and we've agreed we probably won't see each other this year (we usually meet in the summer).

We're in the US. Guidelines are different, but everyone in my community have varying degrees of comfort with expanding their circle.
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Good luck!

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Best!