Who finds the rules relaxing tricky with friends?

[EveryoneLoves09876]

I wonder if many people on here feel like me. I feel very lucky that I'm with family over lockdown and have a lovely partner here who is working from home and we can spend time together in the garden. I also have our small child to be busy with and think about. Some of my friends have been asking about meeting up. One of them came to wave in my drive the other day, which was sweet but sort of unexpexted and actually made me nervous. The next time she texted me in advance and I told myself I need to chill out a bit, so we went for a walk nearby. I also agreed to meet up with another friend who lives nearby and saw her for a walk yesterday.

Honestly though? I find this so stressful. I find the whole time I'm trying to keep 2 metres which is actually really hard with the buggy anyway and when you are busy talking. They were both separately chatting about how they can't wait for some things to start opening up again and when I went home I found it awkward shutting the door on them and not letting them use the toilet. They didnt ask or anything but it still felt weird and I just worry the second things relax more it's going to be really hard.

I really don't want to catch the virus. I am also living with my parents who aren't technically vulnerable so I haven't got a decent reason, but they ar older and are pretty much shielding themselves. I feel like I'm going to end up being the bitch friend who doesn't see anyone properly for a year because I find looking after our son hard enough tbh and really can't afford to get ill or make my parents ill. I also probably err on the side of being a worrier anyway and I have looked at the information and know healthy people can be taken down. I love my parents and new little family so don't want to risk it all by seeing friends, even at 2 metres as is so hard to keep even that. I feel awful though as a lot of my friends are single and lonely with a way worse set up than me.

Ahh!

I think it's ok to not see friends if you don't want to. Just explain. If they're good friends they'll understand.

I would worry about your long term plans for coming out of lockdown though. It's not going away anytime soon. Isolating yourself for months or years on end won't be great mental health wise. But that's for you to think about for yourself, it's not for your friends to force you.

I think it's more that I know their attitude is deep down very different to mine.

I also feel like a few of them are a bit delusional talking about travelling later on in the year, doing some big group meet ups and stuff. I don't want to lose friends over this but it really does show the differences between people.

People are taking it differently and as long as they're within the rules, that's fine.

I don't think you need to lose friends, just tell them it's not for you. You don't have to criticise their choices by not partaking yourself.

I also think people like to plan and look forward to things and that is what some of your friends are doing. There is nothing to say that when the times come them may cancel or put the date back because things haven't progressed quickly enough out of lockdown.

Yes! We’re getting a lot of pressure to go and stay at our friends’ house. Apparently everyone else on their street is doing it. It’s not going to happen but it’s really difficult to keep saying ‘no’ all the time.

It's made me rethink friendships. I'm not going to bother with the ones who are too frightened to step foot outside (exceptions obviously for those shielding). I didn't really appreciate how different my attitude to risk was beforehand. We can go our separate ways with no hard feelings on either side.

I have found it very hard not seeing friends. Particularly as I work every day (HCP) and see 20 to 30 people every day. We do socially distance in the office and have got used to it.
My experience suggests that if basic rules are followed it us perfectly safe to have social contact and I'm thrilled to be able to meet a friend. The mental health of our nation is going to suffer unless we can all have sone sort of normal life.

Wow @nohardsell, that’s a pretty extreme reaction to a relatively temporary situation. It’s not like there’s much of a blueprint for anyone to follow.

@EveryoneLoves09876 I think you just need to be honest with people. You’re nervous and that’s understandable; this whole thing has been a massive shock to everyone’s system. Talk it through with them so they understand where you’re at and what your concerns are. They’ll probably try and reassure you by quoting facts and/or various professionals. That’s fine, in fact listen to them, but the actual truth lies somewhere between your reaction and theirs.

Things have happened very quickly, it’s perfectly normal for anyone to need some time to really trust any more change.

I'm surprised by my own reaction but it's a strong feeling so I am just going to go with it. I have a sudden and strong disinterest in a continued friendship with people whose attitude to risk is so very different to mine.

Yep. People have asked and kids friends have tried to come and sit in garden but we are not relaxing the rules at all.

I think it's a case of 'you do you'. I'd have no problem with someone not seeing me, but I'm happy to see friends for a walk even when realistically we can't always guarantee to be 2m apart.

Yes one friend asked me to two separate meet ups and there would have been four of us (outdoors). I said no and explained why and it was fine. It won’t be long before we can meet more than one person outdoors anyway, so I will wait until then.

Have been on one to one trips outdoors and they were great but one of my friends is much better at the two metre thing than the other (who incidentally has also been kissing someone she doesn’t live with but it’s okay as they “didn’t have sex” ).

But I would love to have someone to kiss after lockdown - chance’d be a fine thing .

Sorry, going off at a tangent!

I do think it is going to be harder now with other people as we all interpret things differently. I think it’s fine for you to see friends when you are ready.

Why don't you meet them somewhere you can sit 2m apart, then leave separately.

I’d just tell them you are nervous or that due to shielding vulnerable parents you cannot risk bringing anything home.

Their response will let you know where you stand.

You sound really anxious.

I find it tricky and a friend has been messaging all week saying she'll call for me next week and we can take our DC for a walk together. Never asked. Told.
It feels like a bloody threat.
I'll not be going.

Why did you have buggy op. You realise the rules are just one person meeting one person right?

@FloatyboatI have a small baby and no one to leave him with. I also posted earlier about what on earth else to do and whether this was allowed. My own instinct and asking on here informed me that having an immobile child under 1 is clearly an exception. There were also single parents and babies meeting as examples on the news. I agree that it isn't clear whether that means it is 100% allowed though.

Saying that, it's a pretty good excuse not to go out so maybe I'll use that from now on.

@Spied friend keeps saying she wants to drop something round. I know people are trying to be nice. Still..

It’s fine to share your worries with your friends- you’ve a baby and parents to consider. Could you talk to them about walking somewhere with wider paths so you can manage the buggy and stay 2m apart? Good friends should understand you want to see them but need to be careful.