Is anyone else reluctant to send their dc to school, not because of the virus, but for fear of being judged?

[Fluffyglitterystuff]

One of my dc is in the year group to go back to school on 1st June.

I'm happy with the plans that the school have put in place. For various personal reasons I believe that going back will be beneficial for my child.

Although the school plans are in place and on the whole quite positive, there is definitely a slight undertone of trying to put people off. They've said that they're not expecting many in at first.

I'm still not sure that the June opening will even go ahead from government and I suspect it all might get delayed, but if it does I wonder if those who are first back will forever be viewed as terrible people who don't care about children or teachers.

[happytoday73]

.whoops! .. Lack of it

[imamearcat]

My DD is in a private school and my DS at a small local nursery. DD back full time from 1st June and DS 2 days a week from the 8th. They have both been nothing but super positive. School probably more so. Will be interesting to see how many kids are back on the 1st, but how will the others know if they are not taking their kids in?

I reckon most kids will be attending.

[Nekoness]

@Teateaandmoretea, what do you mean “others”? The school need to magic up 3 additional teachers a day as they’re splitting existing classes, aren’t they? Those 3 teachers are currently teaching their own classes online. All the teachers are. There’s no extra “others” - so the pupils doing online teaching (the majority) will actually be disadvantaged because their class teachers are being pulled into school to another year group. Yeah, they will probably be setting up some work but it’s hardly going to be anything of the current level if they also have to go and teach another school year.

[Divebar]

@ladygracie

I think it depends on how the information from the school is being worded. I saw a social media post ( so I cannot confirm it’s authenticity) that said something along the lines of : if you’re child has a toileting accident we will not be able to help them and we will need to call you to school. If they injure themselves we cannot help them and they will need to sit on their own until you come” if you compare this with my own school who address the same issues with “ we will need to wear PPE to help your child “ and you see the difference very starkly. If the first post is authentic then schools are not presenting the information in the same way. ( PS my sister is a teacher,I am not teacher bashing and I’m happy to cut and paste the comments exactly if necessary)

[Divebar]

@Nekoness

Where does the information come from that most schools are teaching online? In my county only 7% of schools are teaching live classes online. That information was provided by our HT today.

[Teateaandmoretea]

@Nekoness

A through primary school has 7 years. Only 3 years are going back (and it isn’t all of them).

So most schools will have some teachers who aren’t going to be teaching face to face. At dd’s school it’s the part-timers and tas left over. They can be setting online work (as there have been no live lessons anyway).

[wobblywibble]

I could not give a toss what people think. I'm sending DS back to nursery as soon as the doors open. He's an only child and needs interaction with other children children.
I've done my own "risk assessment" of the situation and I don't see a risk.

I've had friends tell me how awful it is to send him back, funnily enough they're SAHMs who aren't trying to hold down a full time job. I don't judge them for their choices I don't agree with so not quite sure why they feel it's their right to judge mine.

Try and ignore other people's judgements OP, they obviously have far too much time of their hands.

[CountFosco]

Our school did a survey of YR, Y1, and Y6 parents. Out of 270 children, 220 want to go back. School (who have been wonderful with key worker children and whose first few messages about the return to school were reasonably neutral) seem to be trying to put people off now. Teachers seem to be very against it but in a previous thread there was a link to an article (in the Economist?) saying higher socio economic groups were more likely to want to send their DC back to school. Why I don't know, it might be because they are more likely to be able to WFH and want their DC out of the way, someone on that thread suggested it was because we're less likely to have been personally affected by Covid-19 than people in lower socio-economic groups.

[user1000000000000000001]

I got called disgusting and vile and that the school clearly think I'm that shit that my children are better in school when I posted on here that she was being kept in to start with.

Reality is for her needs it was the best option. School knew this as did I.

[Uhoh2020]

@Divebar I have seen a few Mums from my dc school quoting what you said about the teachers not helping if a child falls or has as accident and blatantly saying I'm not sending my child back to that and the photos on the media of schools abroad showing kids sat on X on the floor has not helped at all, when in fact our actual school have not suggested anything of the sort! Some parents are possibly making their decision by the scaremongering in the media than what's really going on in their own schools

[Teateaandmoretea]

in a previous thread there was a link to an article (in the Economist?) saying higher socio economic groups were more likely to want to send their DC back to school. Why I don't know, it might be because they are more likely to be able to WFH and want their DC out of the way, someone on that thread suggested it was because we're less likely to have been personally affected by Covid-19 than people in lower socio-economic groups.

And possibly because having been to university etc we are better able to analyse the information available/ evaluate actual risk. So we are less likely to be led by the ‘if you loved you’re bubba you’d keep them safe’ crap that is apparently on social media.

[SuperMumTum]

I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks. My kids are going to school to learn, to socialise, to have a break from me and each other and so I can go to work.

[cocktailoclock]

Thank you for this thread - it does feel like a breath of fresh air.
We are not in the years going back but mine will be going back in a shot. They are lonely and sad and we are both working in high pressure, senior jobs which are directly impacted by the crisis. In my case, thousands of people's jobs and livelihood depend on what I do.
Our school have provided poor provision (have raised with the head, exec head and chair) and while the whatapps agree that the kids are getting a raw deal compared to other schools and that the kids are worryingly sad and lonely, many are concerned about sending the back. That the kids will feel weird about standing in queue to get into school etc.
I feel like I'm living in a parallel universe. The Park is packed - with tens of families playing together, kids are standing getting pizza in the queue social distancing but the very same families are worried about the risks of going back to school.
We are in London - 17% of people have had it here- our borough one of the worse effected so could be well higher. So it would have been much riskier before lockdown than now. We almost certainly had it straight after lockdown.

[HeadSpin5]

I couldn’t agree more. I posted this on another thread but seeing ‘concerns about social conditioning’ being touted on FB as a reason not to open schools (not just in June but basically ever, until vaccine) was really frustrating and disturbing. Yes it will be different and yes it’ll take a little getting used to - some more than others. But queuing and washing your hands more and keeping to set groups for a while is no more ‘social conditioning’ then current rituals! Everything is, until it becomes the norm. Even more disappointingly this was posted by a teacher. Am NOT general teacher bashing, ours have been nothing but positive and keen, this is a specific incidence but as she was a teacher she alarmed a lot of already worried parents.

Mine isn’t in the year due back first but when the time comes, she will be going. She is an only, she’s alone and sad. She had two Ft WFH parents who can’t afford the house without both salaries and can’t effectively hone school her and do our jobs at the same time, long term. And we only have one!

[happytoday73]

@Nekoness
My schools not doing any online teaching.. Ks2... Nor are any non private primary schools near me in an area that's quite affluent (so not due to lack of electronic devices) ..
One of 3 teachers for that group takes it in turn to upload links to that weeks white rose maths, a couple of twinkle comprehensions and a another topic... Perhaps geography, RE or science.

Children have a spellings book and maths book...they do times table rock stars, spelling shed and maths shed online...

No evidence of work being completed is required and nothing is sent in for marking.

I asked about how they would want the work back and if needed to be marked... Teacher suggested it didn't matter

@CountFosco
Perhaps they send them back as carry out their own analysis of risks, don't swallow the hype people are spreading and make an informed, educated decision based on their family situation.

[Drivingdownthe101]

Yeah that’s what we’ve had. Links to white rose maths, a times tables rockstars login and pointed in the direction of Twinkl.

[Siameasy]

Seriously sod other people’s opinions.
Actually I’m a little disappointed that DD’s school aren’t opening regular school for her year group. I think it will do her good to go back and the house is a FRIGGING TIP and I would like JUST ONE DAY ALONE to clean it

[Breadandroses1]

Our school has had relentlessly positive messaging about how pleased they are to welcome them back. Big MAT though so think communications are policed!

There have been a couple of parents trying to whip up on whatsapp who have been roundly ignored by most.

Did bump into another parent today who said, in front of DD, that her yr1 'wasn't going in because he said he didn't want to die'. I mean FFS. We're in London so v low community transmission.

[Sillysop92]

My year 6 is going back. People can judge if they want. I’ve no idea how many of the class will be going back, but I doubt I’m the only parent.

[wherestheotherone]

My youngest is going into school this next week. We've had a keyworker place for her but managed to keep her at home. It's been incredibly difficult for all of us and she has not had the attention or structure she needs because we have been working all day.

10 weeks of this and she isn't happy. She cries more, she does naughty things out of frustration and argues. She is not the girl I know she is. She needs children to play with! She needs to run and climb trees etc. We took her to climb trees yesterday because the playgrounds are closed and I've not seen her so happy in weeks.

I know I'm doing the right thing for her but I still feel bad.

[unicorngymnastics]

I definitely feel judged and have muted parent whatsapp groups etc.

[jameswenttogetgordonscoaches]

My toddler is going back to nursery, although me and DP can wfh and no pressure from work to send toddler back, they are leaving it entirely up to parents. We are saving £1k a month on nursery fees currently.

I am really struggling with my mental health juggling work and childcare full time with very limited activities to do/places to go vs pre-lockdown. So is DP. We have felt very close to relationship breakdown at times.

Our nursery's measures sound sensible and balanced. Most parents aren't sending children back so it will be small groups and they are planning to be outside as much as possible - they have huge grounds and forest school.

No one I know is sending children back, or if they are it's very reluctantly because they have no choice. Definitely feel judged for 'not wanting to parent my child' or 'putting my needs above his'.

[Bluewarbler27]

Mine aren’t in a year group but my children are going to school after the holidays for a couple of days a week. They’ve had full time places the whole time but we’ve not used them. I don’t care what others says Now. They are struggling and it’s time to return.

[chipshopElvis]

No, I can only make the right decision for my child with the information that I have. I'm not worried about being judged at all.

[Delatron]

It’s funny isn’t it. I don’t care what anybody else does as I have no idea of their circumstances.

Says a lot more about the judgy people than those just cracking on with what is best for them.

I’d wholly recommend leaving school WhatsApp groups, you don’t miss much!