Shielding mum - should I be worried..

[Honeyroar]

My 79 year old mother has COPD, had skin cancer last year and heart issues (pacemaker fitted last year). She also has something called Chorea, which affects her muscles and balance. All were balanced and under control prior to lockdown. For the first three or four weeks of lockdown she did really well. But then the Chorea seemed to flare up and she gets quite anxious with it. The Drs have done a few telephone consultations and upped her tablet dosage, but it’s not improved much. We both think she will have to ride it out a bit until we can actually see the Dr. I’m doing her shopping, and cooking her an evening meal while she’s not well. I’ve been off work for two months and have barely seen anyone, I’m wiping her shopping down and using sanitizer on my hands, trying to be as safe as possible. My issue is her best friend, who is 83 and has health issues herself, isn’t isolating. Despite her family shopping for her she’s wandering about the village, getting her ex husband (whose partner works in a hospital) to take her to the big supermarket in the next town, taking presents to people (handing them over in a fishing net to keep her distance!).

My issue is that she is now taking meals round to my mum, bottles of wine (that she’s wanting to go in and share). She rang me yesterday asking if I could give her a lift to the supermarket to get some things to cook for my mum! I told her no, and that if she’s breaking lockdown that’s her choice but she shouldn’t then be going to my mum’s house and putting her at risk. Am I being too harsh? Her friend is an ex nurse and thinks the current illness (which isn’t ideal but isn’t life threatening) is the only thing we need to concentrate on. I think her friend (who is like an aunt to me) is upset I told her off. Am I being too hard? Sometimes it feels like the rest of the world aren’t bothering.

It is difficult but I don’t think you were wrong to say that. My dad is shielding because of his COPD and I would be furious if someone who had not been self isolating was putting him at risk by trying to socialise with him even if they meant well.

Same here. My mum is shielding and I would be furious if a friend of hers did this. This friend hasn't fully understood the seriousness of her actions and needs to be told. No way should she be putting your mum at risk when she is in the vulnerable category. Think you'll have to have a word with her (and your mum).

Thanks. I did have words with her last night when she rang asking for a lift to the supermarket. I told her she doesn’t need to make food, and she asked me why my mum was taking the food then. I said it’s because she doesn’t want to offend her. She sounded a bit taken aback and said she wouldn’t go round, but she’s said that in the past. Mum doesn’t want her to go round, but when she’s struggling with this other illness she gets down and lonely, and usually this friend is someone she leans on, so she’s missing her.

Such tough, cruel times! I feel really mean. Thanks for listening! I was feeling down about it.

Well that chat last night obviously didn’t work. She went round with food again today. I wouldn’t care, but the stuff she is taking is crap, then mum isn’t hungry when I take something homemade and nutritious later on.