Teens being alone

[Nochangeplease]

After reading another thread I’m really alarmed at the lack of sympathy for parents of older children who have to work.
I’m worried this is going to be a problem for me, as my boss is likely to be of the opinion my child can be left at home, as do most people on here it seems.
Do people not see that it might not always be possible to leave teenagers alone during the day in the middle of a pandemic? Or is it really that black and white to other people?

@Concerned7777 That’s really helpful thanks. I’ll clearly have to go with option one. Just not sure how understanding they’ll be
(If you look you can see I was commenting on the other post. Unless you think it was me talking to myself?)

I think should explain to your employer why you need flexibility, support or whatever because if you don't, they'll probably just think a teen should be able to stay at home alone.

I recently agreed that one of my staff could have some unpaid leave because his 16 year old needed supervision at home- there was a specific reason why, which he was happy to share because it supported his request.

Hi nochang is the reason for not being able to leave DD stem from your own anxiety rather than your DDs?

@Lougle You are right, no SEN, but some mental health issues that could be a safeguarding concern.
Also, and this is not as important as the other point, but I absolutely do not trust her to not go out, or invite people over.

I'm not really sure what you want from this thread.

You've said your dd is 14 and doesn't have SEN.
Now, obviously there could be some other valid reason why she can't be left 'even for one day', but, without that, you are right, everyone will say "why not".

We have no idea what your employer would say. We don't know your employer.
But try to look at it objectively - without knowing your situation, if a Manager needed 10 people to be at work but there weren't 10 that really wanted to, surely you can see that - on the face of it - someone with a 6 yr old would need to be at home with their child, whereas most 14 yr olds wouldn't need a parent there.
If there is a reason why you would need to be at home with your 14 yr old, then, yes it would be sensible to let the Manager who will have to make the decision aware of that fact.

I'm no employment lawyer, but it really isn't your employer's business what you do for childcare - or, in this case what age you need childcare up to - but if you are contracted to work for them, then that is what you have to do unless you can persuade them of a good enough reason why you can't.

@LennyPugGoat No believe me it would be a lot easier if I could leave her alone sometimes. Not just now because of work, just in day to day life in general. Going shopping, for a walk ect.
It’s ended badly before and I can’t risk it.

How plausible is option 2 OP? How safe Is your job if you say you cant come in for many month due to child care?
I'd find anyone safe to look after my dc before opting for unpaid leave or extended furlough

So some replies have been helpful and it looks like, I’ll have to go into more detail with my employer.
As someone above has said, if you say a 6 year old, people know you need to be with them. Right or wrong, people assume different with older children.
So I’ll explain the best I can and hope my employer is somewhat understanding and I don’t lose my job.

@Concerned7777 I only have my parents. They would probably agree out of a sense of duty but my mum is vulnerable and id never forgive myself if she got ill.
I thought my job was pretty safe, but I’m beginning to doubt it now. They need people in work not on furlough. It depends how many people need to stay on furlough. Just me, fine. 8 other people, something will need to give...

If there are safeguarding concerns due to her being a vulnerable child then it’s likely school would let her attend; certainly every school I work with would. Have you asked them?

I don’t know she’d be classed as a vulnerable child, in an official way? Not sure what the criteria for that are. Her school isn’t open anyway, not even for key workers.

Mine turned 13 in March. He told me last week he feels lonely being left home alone. Broke my heart. I'm booking annual leave.

Sadly it will come down to can you afford not to work, a horrible situation to be in

Each school will decide which of their pupils are vulnerable and their criteria are fairly broad and flexible. It’s worth a conversation with them. Even if they’re not open themselves their key worker and vulnerable pupils will be going somewhere.

Why would it be impossible? It's a teenager, not a toddler! Teens are perfectly capable of entertaining themselves and taking care of themselves, too. They can cook food, they can eat it, they can do their homework, etc. The only thing I'd be worried about is the fact that your teenager will sneak out to meet friends but it depends on a person.

Ah, I see your point. Well, if she has some work around the house to be done, then let her do it. If not, find something to keep her occupied, like ask her one day to clean up her room, next day to make a family photos slideshow (any slideshow software will do), the day after that let her look through her clothes to see whether there are some pieces she doesn't wear, etc.
You can control her by random video or phone calls as well to see if she is really at home.

I agree with a pp who said a conversation with her school about accessing school as a vulnerable child is a good idea. At least to check this out before talking to your employer. Presumably the school are completely aware of whatever issues your dd has and would be able to help.

I could try with the school but I’m unsure how she’d be with attending a strange school with strangers, or if she’d even go. It’s not ideal but a last resort I suppose.

I can think of so many reasons you might not leave a teen alone. A pandemic can add to those reasons. A child who is likely to leave the house to go see friends or potter around the supermarket might be one.
A child with anxiety that's been exacerbated by the pandemic. A child with other mental health issues who may self harm. A child needing extra reassurance. A child who is depressed..

It's a lot to go from not having left them to leaving them every day in the middle of a crisis.

My eldest (yr 10) is really independent. He's happy to travel up to an hour away by public transport. He's used to me coming and going. However, his stress levels are through the roof right now, he seems so up and down. He doesn't always communicate what's going on for him. I would be very reluctant to leave him regularly in this situation, whereas I wouldn't have given it another thought before.