Asking for help balancing four month old and two year old with DH working from home

[SodOffCovid]

I just can't get my head in the game. I'm on 'mat leave' but now have 2.5yr old home full time, was three days a week at childminders. I just can't seem to balance the two kids with DH also being in and out, on his phone etc. My two year old demands attention so my four month old gets next to none. We are going for atleast an hours walk every day to on allow baby to sleep, but I live in a small village so we are doing the same route every. Single. Day.

My routine so far is:

7am wake and breakfast while feeding baby
8am paints or colouring, making something
9-10.30 walk
10.30-11.30 playing with toys, sometimes some cbeebies
11.30 I make lunch
12.30 nap time for toddler baby sleeps on me
2ish toddler wakes. We play and wait for daddy to log off
3pm daddy logs off and plays with toddler whilst I lump baby around to sort washing, get dinner ready
4.45 dinner and pure fucking chaos
6pm bedtime routine
7pm bed (first attempt anyway)

It's groundhog day. And I can't seem to change it. Should I be teaching Dc1 something, am I missing something ? My baby is now four months old and is literally a bystander. I feel swamped and see Jo end

Think that's pretty normal with children of those ages. I have a similar age gap and the first year of the youngest's life is pretty much a vague blur tbh. And yes, the youngest very much just gets dragged around where the oldest goes will not mention the time I nearly forgot mine in the library . The oldest will learn just by playing and being with you - no need to do anything in particular.

I would encourage the oldest (and the baby as soon as they are old enough to drop toys in a box) to tidy up the living area before bedtime. Then you don't have to do it once they are in bed.

Do you have a car? If so, at least you can venture a bit further afield now

Couriers are still working. Pop the 4 month old over to Aunty Amelie 💕

Get through the day
Relax standards
Benign neglect of the 4 month old won't do any harm if they're happy enough

Don't be worrying about 'teaching the toddler' anything. Toddler is having to adapt to this new imposition in their life (toddler) Daddy at home more, the general 'weird lockdown vibe '.

Honestly just reduce your stresss where you can & TRY to enjoy all being together 🌷

I'm in the same position OP, with an almost 3 yo and 5 month old. Baby naps on me so poor toddler gets neglected while he's sleeping, then when he's awake he gets dumped in/on playmat/bouncer/cot so I can tend to toddler. By the time I've made food, tidied, occasionally treated myself to a shower, I'm lucky if I get any time to play with toddler. Feel like I'm massively failing both of them at the moment 😩 at least you have a bit of a routine, sounds like you're doing alright to me!

What would you normally do during the day? I think you do that while staying home and your dh goes somewhere quiet to concentrate on work, wherever in the house that is.

We have 2 and alternate who is working and who is doing childcare. Dh can’t wfh but I do. Dh goes on a walk, they go outside, have a snack, read books, watch some tv, more playing outside, etc. I work 8-5 and I don’t really engage with them. Just get work done and they carry on their day. Your dh needs to go somewhere out of the way where he can’t be disturbed though, and let you get on with it. With a 4 month old I was still spending a lot of the day feeding and napping in front on the tv, so I’d have no shame about doing that under these circumstances.

Thanks everyone. @mindutopia I would love to nap and cuddle four month old but I can't with my toddler around. We don't really have anywhere DH can hide away which I think is a huge problem

That sounds just like my maternity leave... except DH was out of the house from 7.45 til 8.45.

Now I'm also working from home with a 2 year old and 4 year old... not gonna lie it's actual hell.

Hugs op it's shit but at least you're not also trying to work too, not that it makes your situation easier as I don't want to play "covid top trumps".

Can I suggest get a sling for baby? Then baby can snooze or join in anything at your head level as required. More fun for baby, and leaves your hands free for toddler.