Life going back to normal and I'm not ready!

[Makinitrain]

I'm a key worker and have been working five days throughout the lockdown. DP has been furloughed as, even though he's in good retail, the shop he works in is too small to socially distance. A small part of me also thought the owners saw an opportunity to save a bit of money, but they're finding it too difficult on their own so have asked him to come back from Wednesday. Previously he has been looking after our DC's (5 and 3) whilst I've worked.
Now it seems that from Wednesday the kids will be back in childcare and we'll both be back to our busy ridiculous life, and I'm a bit sad. I don't feel like we've achieved much in this time and I feel like we'll look back and think 'why didn't we do xyz?' I've only managed to paint one wall, do a bit of gardening. Today I woke up and every room in our house is a mess, why is it so hard to keep things organised when one of us is home all day?
Just feel a bit lost today and kind of wish we'd had a bit longer. I'm not ready to run to the school dates and go back to having to get both kids dressed and out the house by 8am every morning.

I understand, OP. And I'm desperate for lockdown to end - or to at least be able to see one person - as I live alone. In short, my mental health is so bad as a result of the lockdown that my doctor is making regular appointments and insisting these are in person (PPE/distanced).

Yet, I have twinges of not feeling ready for it to end. Feeling like I've not achieved enough. Part of me would give my right arm for a hug right now, but part of me is like "Oh, 3 more weeks mean I can finish X project, and have a bit of "holiday" pottering around like others are now.

More to the point, several people I've spoken to recently have said the same thing. And they always say it like it's a bit of a confession, like it's a socially unacceptable thing to feel.

I think it might be because we all forced ourselves to "think positive" at the start, make the most of the time, blah blah. But as the weeks drag on we learn it's not about achievement, but surviving, physically and mentally, in whatever way we are able.

Where has the narrative come from that furloughed people are the lucky ones?

I wouldn't swap with a furloughed worker, not even on 100% pay. During the past 5 weeks, I think I've taken £250 out of the business, I'm more or less working for no pay but I'm more than happy to be working, keeping my routine and also my sanity.

Have you any idea of how much taxes are going to rise to pay for furlough? Or the mass unemployment afterwards. Every week of furlough makes the collapse greater. And people will need time to be productive again when they are out of the habit of working

I’ve swung between being a bit envious of my furloughed colleagues having all that time off to relax in the sun to being incredibly grateful for being able to at least get out the house and see other people.

I’m a single parent and think I would have struggled being completely alone with the children for so long.