My children are going to hate me by the time this is 'over'

[FirTree31]

I've drawn my curtains, locked my door and crawled in the bed to cry. I am on my own with two sons 5&9 whilst trying to WFH. We have gardens, complete with trampoline, sandpit and football goal, but they are act out. They fight, disobey me, question me, are loud, youngest hardly eats anything I cook and feel totally put out by any school work, it's like taking blood from a stone.

I am a terrible mum and terrible employee. I flout between trying to be their friend and 'mumsy' to he being stern and shouty.

They will hate me if this goes on much longer.

Of course they won't hate you. I'd drop the school work--it's just another thing on your plate.
Can you take them for a walk or bike ride?
And I'd forget being their friend.

They really won't hate you! You have the same problem as millions of others.

I think a consistent schedule is the only way to survive.

Try to do 30 minutes per day school work with each child in a focused way. Decide what time this works best and stick to it. It might be before you do your work or once you have finished for the day.

The kids need to be trained in a routine so they earn the right to X by doing this 30 minutes. They might kick off at first but stand your ground.

Don't try to do two things at once, you'll just get stressed.

You might need to work for 40 minutes and then play with them for 20 (rinse and repeat). Just make that 20 minutes every hour really focused (adjust for what works for you but I've always worked from home and I've found a playing focused game with them buys me an hour of peace).

It's a nightmare for everyone so don't be too hard on yourself.

It's just so difficult, I know I'm not alone in that. I'm going to pull myself out of bed and go for a walk now. I just get to a point where I literally don't have to energy to talk. I just want schools to go back. I feel so sorry for my children having to be schooled by me, some days we do nothing. My five year old has been in flood of tears over missing his friends, he doesn't really understand what is going on, he just knows he's unhappy.

Yes, I think the school work are not that important at the moment, there are fun educational games on BBC bitesize, I used to let my DC do it, you can have a look at it.

I agree a schedule is quite important, maybe ask them to draw a schedule when they are calm , put in plenty of time for fun and break.
My DS age 11 can only do around 3 hours school work in a whole day, that's under my constantly reminder.

Also, can you rely on the old one to be the leader? Maybe have a chat with him and ask him to help you?

Same here, my 7 year old wants to do the bare minimum and just sit in front of the TV and play games all day. I’m exhausted and feel like giving up and letting her fall behind, it’s not worth the daily dramas.

I've had

I hate you
I don't love you
I've never loved you
And the kicker I wish you weren't by mother

All from my 9nyear old, so you're doing better than me

Some days doing nothing is fine, honest.

We're aiming for 30mins formal learning a day and happy if that doesnt happen!

We're working towards a rough structure but I think a lot of child led play is great, more tb than usual is fine.

If you can build in some form of exercise that is ideal (we're struggling here!)
Reading. Either to them or with them or them read or audio book all good.
Creativity. Drawing/playdough/coding/lego whatever.
And some form of connection.

Then you are winning.

Your children mainly need you, time with you, and to know It Will Be Okay. Blood from a stone is not worth it. Learn other things. Bake or garden or whatever your thing is. Lots of movie nights cuddled together. Whatever gets you through and them remembering This Was Okay.

I know I am lucky, I know I wouldn't want to be without it really, but it'd be easier if I didn't have work, or the lack there off hanging over me

By lack there of, I mean, I'm not doing enough

Good for you for getting up and going for a walk!
Schedules help.
But drop some of the schoolwork.
You are not horrible. Unfortunately, we are a safe person for them to express their anger too.
Also wouldn't worry about the 5-year-old eating. That's a battle for another day. If you're really concerned put tiny bits of your food on his plate and teach him how to make a simple sandwich. Then let it go.
I vacillate between Mary Poppins (less now as this thing drags on) and Atilla the Mum.

Op I know how you're feeling. I'm in the same boat, wfh on my own with similar age dc, youngest is 4.

Last week he kept telling me "I don't like you anyway mummy". He's fed up of me. I don't blame him, I'm fed up of myself. I haven't even got dressed today.

I don't want to say too much and identify myself but I have experience with kids from unhappy homes and they would never say things like "I don't like you mummy" as they are desperate to be loved and accepted. They're also often worried about making their parent's mental health worse. The fact that they can say something like that shows they feel secure and loved unconditionally which is the biggest, most important gift you can give to a child. It's completely normal and healthy for parents and kids to lose patience with each other, especially in trying times like these, so don't beat yourself up.

Thank you @heroku so much, I needed to hear that.

When you're stressed, what do you do, where do you go? I just want to hide and watch a film to escape, but I can't!

I will try the 40 minutes work, 20 play (or vice versa!) that's a good idea

I have decided not to bother too much with schoolwork and the result of that is that I'm much less stressed and I can work properly and more effectively. Schools will close the gap and kids will learn. At that age if they're still reading and writing they'll be ok

We've all had enough of each other in this house tbh.

I worry about school as much as work. My eldest has never been good at reading (that's not the right way of putting it, and I would never say that to him, he has won awards for his math), everytime we do reading/spelling /writing he gets defensive and resists doing anyway, it's a long painful and incredibly stressful process which takes 4 times as long as it should

You're under tonnes of pressure.

When you're trying to work give them a timer and say "go and xxxxx for xx minutes". Make them games; build a nest with twigs, a caterpillar habitat, make a Lego rocket, play dough cafe, play on the games console for 30 minutes only etc.

As for the school work. Sit down with them together and supervise an hour a day if you can. If you can't, don't worry about it, they will be fine.

The thing is if you pish when they're defensive you can put them off learning. Education is a marathon, not a sprint, so hold back on the pushing. Set your sights lower. A little accomplished every day is better than a battle each day as they wont retain the learning if its all conflict anyway, and then whats the point.

A love of reading comes from a love of stories and accessing those stories so you could have times in tbe day you just stop everything and read! Or make a den to be read to in.

I'm a teacher and no teacher would want you battling everyday with a small child. Remember reception is playbased and they learn so much that year.

Writing - pull back from forcing or again he'll resent it. Ease off and then think of ways to get little bits of writing into the week. Could he write you a shopping list for a recipe he'd like to bake? Maybe write a list of things he'd like to do this week etc. He can copy your letters for tricky words.

What about writing a "menu" of whats for lunch?

You could watch bitesize for his year group together. Thats 20mins and more accessible.

Truly truly any long and stressful process isn't working and needs to be changed.

If actual writing is a problem then all the fiddly fingers type exercises might help. Any fine motor skills. Playing with playdough,lego etc.

Please take the pressure off as it honestly wont help you or him.

Having battled like you with 2 kids, working from home and home schooling I have this week relaxed my expectations a whole load and it's made things less stressful. I now have only three priorities- they do some maths every school day, as it's the subject they are weakest in, they be more cooperative with eachother, I shout less!!

We do maths first, stuff school sets or other stuff as long as they do some. Aim for them to do this while I work but mentally I am prepared to be interrupted and not achieve much- helps me to be less stressed. Then if they finish that I set a challenge for the second part of the morning- mine are girls and 8 & 11 so a bit older, things like- makes salt dough together & create a model, dress up & make up related to a theme (fantasy, emotions etc, make a stop gap animation together, Lego building challenge, build an obstacle course in the garden etc. This has worked pretty well and mostly they are doing it together and without me for a chunk of time so I can get some work done.

After lunch I have given up on all screen rules and they get them for about 3-4 hours which is peaceful working time for me. Then we do something together- exercise, cook, something arty, garden, or watch something on tv.

Yes I feel guilty about not enough school work, I feel guilty at all the screen time - they also have some in the morning as very early risers. But this week we have argued and battled less and most days have been much more harmonious. The guilt is better than the stress. Let's see if it lasts...