To keep toddlers quiet all day?

[HarperJess]

I feel a real pressure to keep my two toddlers quiet all day. We recently moved into an old terraced house from a semi (it's bigger and we relocated) but since moving here, which happened to coincide with the start of lockdown, I've felt this insane pressure to keep the kids quiet because the walls are so thin and the floorboards are so loud. I'm so worried about annoying the neighbours that I'm finding I'm not letting them play or run around like toddlers should be able to do. All day I'm shushing them and even telling them off for laughing too loud, playing with loud toys or running on the floorboards which makes a noise.

I feel awful but I can't help it, I get so stressed about it it brings me to the point of tears. My partner feels the same pressure so is constantly telling them to be quiet too and we both feel bad but don't know what to do, it's become a habit we do without even thinking about. Our living room is on the first floor next to our neighbours bedroom, which means when my two get up at 6am I'm telling them to be quiet from the get go. They do have a play room but hardly ever want to stay in there to play.

Would you try to keep your kids quiet in this situation or would you let them be and not worry about the neighbours? Am I doing the right thing or overthinking it? Its obviously worse at the moment due to lockdown because everyone's in all day and the kids have all this cooped up energy so are being more hyper than normal.

Any advice would be great x

Gosh you can't live like that. Get carpets fitted and enjoy your lives!

Can you get out for daily exercise? Perhaps that would let off some of your toddlers energy and help you all feel more relaxed.
This is a really strange situation for everyone so I’m not surprised you’re stressed, but have your neighbours actually complained to you? If not, then they may be more used to the noise of your terrace as they’ve lived there longer than you have. Could you allow the children to play noisier games between, say, 9am-5pm? Most people are up then and you could save the quieter games (play doh, water, drawing, baking, building a reading den, etc) for the early mornings and evenings.

(For what it’s worth, I grew up in a terrace and we never noticed neighbour’s noise, except the odd tantrum, as it was just the background noise of that house)!

Do you know the neighbours? They may not even mind. When we moved to our house(semi) neignbours kids are younger and we heard noise sometimes, but we didn't mind. Now we have young child, but they never complained. And yes, get the carpets for floor boards.

Is there any way to swap rooms round?

Alternatively, put an armchair in the playroom For you and they are more likely to play in there if you are in there too.

For 6am wakers, just go with morning tv and snacks for the first 60-90mins and then they can start to get a bit more active after that.

Soft slippers for running round the house would help.

We have two kids in an upper floor flat and spent the first 2 months here panicking about noise to downstairs. Once we reaslied they weren't affording us the same courtesy we've stopped caring so much

Thanks Chocolateandcarbs, the neighbours haven't actually complained, they both live alone so it's hard to know how much sound travels as we don't hear much from them. Other than one of them playing loud music at stupid times which makes me feel not as bad!

We do take the kids out every day usually for 60-90 mins as we're lucky to live by the coast and have a lot of walking routes. They also do nap for about an hour too. We have a garden but it's a very small courtyard so not much room to play. I try to do craft time every day but they're not that into it yet, they're only 2 and are naturally very hyper, playful kids!

I think maybe it's because of my fear of confrontation I don't want any complaints so try to avoid it before it's happened if that makes sense.

Thanks for your advice though, I feel a little better now x

Surely they go to bed quite early? If they are making noise during the day I would just let them get on with it (as long as it isn't something really ridiculous like banging against the adjoining walls or screaming contests). Laughing loudly and running around is ok.

If they get up at the crack of dawn then I would try and police their noise levels until about 8 or 9ish, but after that I wouldn't worry so much.

Other than one of them playing loud music at stupid times which makes me feel not as bad!

Just seen this update... The screaming contests and wall banging are back on! Just make sure it happens on the loud neighbour's side of the house...

How much do you hear your neighbour’s noise? I was a bit worried when we moved into ours but realised that while you can hear things in the house really clearly the dividing walls are actually pretty well soundproofed. If the neighbours haven’t actually complained then you can probably relax a bit?

Maybe buy some cheap, temporary rugs for the floorboards for lockdown if that will help keep the noise down a bit?

I'm surprised you refer to the thin walls in an old house. My DH's parents house is an old (built @ 1905) mid-terraced house and we never hear anything from the neighbours.

I would suggest you try and encourage the DC to use the playroom and also screw down any loose/squeaky floorboards and put rugs down, if not carpets.

Can you actually hear your neighbours so know the walls are thin? If so, I would definitely not allow the DC to be making noise at 6 a.m.

I’m the same with my kids always have been, we moved here pre lockdown. Very thin walls.

What’s helped is actually getting to know our neighbour and just having a discussion and letting them know you are trying to be considerate. Chances are they will be fine about the noise and you will feel better being able to live a bit more.

It’s just about knowing your neighbours I think.
Maybe knock the door and say I’m sorry if you can hear my kids at 6am? I’m sure they will be fine about it - and if they’re not then you will just have to live your life. You sound like a considerate person so I doubt you’re blasting music until all hours of the night.

I think the lockdown is exasperating it with children in the house all day but what can you do??

Sorry forgot to add I would ensure my kids were quiet at 6am, after 9am though I would just let them be.

OP what neighbours don't like is screaming contests particularly if a child sounds distressed, and lots of loud banging on the floor. You won't be doing the latter as you aren't immediately above them so you just need to minimise the former.

Apart from that just go and talk to your neighbours.

Next time you move anywhere just introduce yourself as soon as you move in, mention your children's ages and anything that could make them more noisy. Neighbours will put up with a lot from children including badly played instruments being practised.

You do NOT need to keep them quiet all day. Toddlers (all children) make noise and up to a point everyone must accept that. Any neighbour who has been a parent knows what it's like.

You can try to have quiet times of course. For your sake as well as the neighbours, but don't let it play on your mind.

Thank you so much everyone for your replies and advice, I feel so much better about the situation and will definitely be worrying less and letting the kids get on with playing how they like to! Come september they will be in nursery anyway, although we're also expecting a new addition in October so that will bring more noise eeek!

Imstillskanking, they go to bed between 7-8 so yes no loud noises from around 6.30pm and I keep them as quiet as poss before 8.30am. There's definitely no banging on the walls etc, its more just play shouting, running around and the occasional toddler fight 😂 as well as loud toys and dancing on the floor boards etc.

We don't hear the neighbours much at all but I figured that was maybe because they both live alone. But maybe you're right and they can't hear as much as I'm assuming they can!

We're going to get a rug for the living room and will try to catch the neighbour we haven't spoken to much next time we see her to make sure everything's okay.

Thanks so much for all your advice! Hope you're all staying safe and coping well x