Can my mum visit her brother?

[siriusmew]

My Uncle was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago and whilst treatment was initially going well, just before lockdown happened we got the news that the cancer had spread to his brain and that there was no further treatment. He has now reached the point were he is in end of life care at home, and has been given months, if not weeks to live.

My mum is ripping herself to bits over the fact that she may not get so see him at the end. Would she be unreasonable to travel to see him to say goodbye? She live 3hrs away by car.

I would go. Some may say it's against the rules but this scenario is not an every day thing. Your mum should go, say her goodbyes and then come back and isolate. So sorry you are going through this.

Hard one. If he lives alone I would say she needs to go. Noone should be on their death bed alone. Its essential travel to care for a vulnerable person. She will be putting herself at risk of exposure though. If he lives with his family. Facetime. Phone. Drop off shopping but no physical contact. Dont know if that's the official advice or not though.

What is your DMum’s exposure state?

It’s important she does not bring COVID to him or his carers (and their other vulnerable patients)

Yes, I think last visits are important, and you don’t exactly get to choose when they can be done. So I’d start working on a plan for a sufficiently safe way to visit

How isolated had she been during lockdown?

If she’s been at risk, can she remove herself from that for 14 days?

I would go, definitely

Oh my gosh how terrible. I am a strict follower of the rules, but they are rules, not law. This is awful, please tell your Mum to go.

As long as she weighs up the risks and acts responsibly yes she can.

Mum is still going to work but she has very limited contact with other people. We live in the South West so have not had that many cases in our area. My uncle lives with his wife and they are completely isolated at the moment. I think my aunt is more afraid of being alone at the end than she is about the virus.

Dad and I have suggested that she wait until almost the last minute to get there so as to minimise the risk to everyone, but Mum is so scared of breaking the rules and getting turned away that she is beside herself.

Nothing would hold me back from seeing my DB if he was in that situation. She needs to limit what she touches though and make sure she cleans surfaces afterwards. I assume any carers will be wearing PPE.

I know it's hard, but I wouldn't go if I was your mum.

Your uncle has months to live and the last thing he needs is coronavirus and a much quicker end to his life. If your mum could strictly self isolate for 2 weeks and then go to see him, that may be a better solution.

Yes of course.
No one needs permission to see a loved one who is struggling.
If you feel you do, you have mine.

He has a nursing team going in next week to set up a bed and equipment but I am unsure how often carers will be visiting. They are currently still talking on the phone and hoping for some restrictions to be lifted. I just don't want her to live with the regret of not having the opportunity to say goodbye in person.

It's all about weighing up personal risk OP but as others have suggested if she goes then comes home to strictly self isolate to protect others then it shouldn't be an issue.

Personally, I would absolutely visit my DB in this situation. And seeing as people seem to think going to the Range and B & Q and wherever else they like for "essentials" and popping from place to place, your poor DM driving straight there and then back for a very serious and important reason is absolutely fine in this context.

Also OP, my Dad and Stepmum were in hospital for 4 weeks with covid, and dad has just been readmitted as he's still struggling to breathe... I'm really worried but there's no way I will ever be able to say goodbye in person. Especially as I'm in the SW like you and he's in the highlands of Scotland.

So from that perhaps skewed POV, I definitely think your mum should go if she has the chance to say goodbye.

Nothing and no one could keep me from my DB at this stage.

Rigorous hygiene. Remove shoes, wash hands. Change clothes. Wash hands. Cover mouth and nose (for DB’s protection). Wash hands. Even if the visit doesn’t involve hugs/ super close contact. I would be just content to sit in the same room, safely distanced, and talk. About life. Memories. Regrets.

Nothing would stop me from going.

Thanks everyone. I think she will wait a week or two (unless things change drastically, which I'm aware they can), but I hope she gets the chance to say goodbye.