Elderly relative in care home has Covid - would you visit to say goodbye?

[ShastaBeast]

We’re facing this issue. We strongly suspect we’ve had it. I’ve ordered a lab based antibody test to check. Although no guarantee of immunity anyway so we’re not using this as justification.

We are healthy and youngish. Care home is allowing short visits and supplying PPE. Relative is very unwell asides from Covid so may not survive even if not suffering from the virus. During the visit they may be sleeping and aren’t really responding on the best of days, dementia.

Everything is pointing to not going. However it feels wrong when this is allowed and we are extremely low risk. Plus we would take all precautions eg change and wash clothes immediately and shower. Use a car and not reuse for a week. Leave shoes outside.

What would you do?

I would go

Go and take all the necessary precautions.

For me it would be do I love this person and were they there for me when they had capacity? If the answer is yes then I would visit them whether they knew I was there or not.

How close were you to this person before he/she became ill and developed dementia? Will the relative have any other visitors apart from you?

the test you've ordered is likely to be a scam

As for visiting, if i cared i 100% would go, the virus doesnt scare me, losing loved ones is my nightmare. Keep ur distance, make them feel happy, u may never see them again

Nothing would stop me if it was someone I loved.

If you would have visited under other circumstances, I think I'd go as I wouldn't want to regret my decision. My friend and her Mum saw her DF/DH in hospital. They were supplied with PPE and didnt catch Covid.

You should go

I would go.

Where did you get the antibody test? Check you haven't been scammed.

I would definitely go visit a relative that may not survive. For them and was us. I think you could regret not going, but not regret going.

Can you see them through the window perhaps? In these circumstances I'm not sure it's a good idea for face to face as they will not gain from you taking the risk if they are not aware of who you are.

If someone I am very close to yes

Not so close to no (I would assume that they limit how many can visit)

OP my dad was in a medically induced coma on a ventilator when the hospital rang me to say he was in a vegetative state and wouldn't wake up (massive heart attack and bleed on the brain).

They told me I could go see him to say goodbye, I didn't hesitate to jump in my car and drive the 2hrs to where to was to visit.

If this is a parent or grandparent then go.

I could be facing similar. I will go but then have to decide how much to isolate from DH and kids afterwards.
Haven't made that decision yet as thankfully dad is asymptomatic

My grandmother is positive and in a nursing home very poorly, they don’t think she will make it, they have said I could possibly pop in for 5 minutes to say goodbye with PPE but they wouldn’t recommend it as she is also sharing a room with another positive resident, I have made the difficult decision not to go.
She has dementia and the only thing keeping me sane is the fact she sees her carers as her family as she has forgotten us and they will be with her when the time comes.

It’s this company - qured.com/covid-19-testing/ I had a phone consultation with a GP and chose them as it’s lab based analysis rather than a home test. Seems legit but we can afford the risk if not.

I’m surprised at the responses. It wouldn’t be me but my OH, he’d go alone. Others in the family are strongly opposed as the risk is too great, in their opinion. Although it could bring them comfort if told a week or two later and clear he didn’t catch it. I agree older or vulnerable people shouldn’t take the risk and would discourage them from doing so.

I would go if it were my close relative and would have to drive much further for my family.

One reason against going is the risk of not attending a funeral and being unable to comfort the rest of the family. I think we need more information before deciding - how aware are they, will it distress them more, are they actually dying (even very sick old people have a chance of mild illness). Plus the PPE may not be as good as hospital PPE.

Sorry for others in the same situation. It’s so much more upsetting for the family happening this way.