Not sure I can do it anymore

[BetsyBoo100]

Feel like I can't do it anymore.

Just turned 3 y o DS constantly having tantrums. Constant. Nothing makes him happy. I'm failing him. Work has never been busier, full of deadlines and targets. Working from home is a nightmare. Also have a 10 month old DD. I am failing at every part of my life, as a mother, as wife, as an employee. I don't know where to go with this. Does anyone know how I get MH support during lockdown?

Ps please don't make me feel like I have it easy compared to so many others. I know I do. I don't need to be reminded of that.

Can you lean on your dh more for support? Is he pulling his weight?

Oh my goodness OP that sounds so tough. I think your first port of call needs to be to ring your employer and tell them you need some time off. Then put a call in to your GP for a phone consultation. I don't know if talking therapies is extra busy right now, but I'd imagine they have thrown extra resources at it. Best of luck. You absolutely need some support and you absolutely need some of the pressure taken off. I hope your employer is supportive!

Could you request to be furloughed or take parental leave?
I’ve been there, and everything was falling apart in slow motion and I felt like I was failing everywhere, and then I chatted to my boss about being furloughed (I was drawing up the plan for the company so I think it was an easier chat)
Since being furloughed a balance has definitely returned, and the money we’re loosing i think will come out in the wash as we’re not paying full childcare fees, drinking in a pub etc (in total we’ve halved our income)

First port of call would be your GP. They are still providing access to support.

What do you think would make it easier for you?
Are there any changes that you can make right now that would ease the situation that you are in right now?

I dint know how you possibly manage and with a job too. You must be heroic. I used to work from home and have childcare in, as it would have been impossible.

I'm not sure what you do, but could you speak with your employer and say this isn't working with such young children, though you're trying your best? And then ask your DH to do half days with you?

If work has never been busier talk and make sure they are aware how hard you are working. I assume you arent getting paid more for all the additional effort. Explain situation to your manager and ask what the options are. Could you afford to take some parental leave? Can some of your work be delegated to allow you to go part time?

It is ridiculous to expect anyone to work whilst caring for two under 3s. It is impossible. Think about it - at nursery the ratio for childcare at this age is , what, 3 kids per carer? You just can't be working a day job and caring for little ones. I've tried it too, in the past- and ANY child will go berserk if they know you are distracted most of the time. Your child's tantrums are an absolutely normal expression of a deep need for your undivided attention.

I am really sorry you are in such a tricky position and I understand financially it may be hard to solve but the ONLY way you can improve this is to cut down your working hours and/or try and work flexibly when the kids are in bed or at weekends when your partner is available to help.

Good luck xx

I have a 3 year old and an 11 month old. I do sometimes feel like those with very young children are a bit forgotten in all this. It’s one thing to home school older kids which I can completely appreciate must be tough but they will also sit and watch tv for an hour without being a danger to themselves.

My honest answer is that it’s not possible to continue doing what you’re doing, it just isn’t. It’s not you, the fact you’ve kept the plates spinning for this long is a miracle.

You either need a nanny or you and your DH/DP will have to work less until the nurseries reopen or be furloughed.

Could you use weekends at all? Can you set up a rota with your DH?

This will eventually end, it has to.

Thanks all for your advice, I really appreciate it and thanks for being so kind to me.

I am already part time but I essentially work 3-4 hours every single day inc weekends to fit everything in.

I'm feeling incredibly stressed and out of my depth. I am acutely aware others have it much worse but this is all I know and all I am living currently.

My 3 year old has been spirited from the day he was born. He is extremely full on, confident, zero attention span and just full of beans. I love him but some days I spend every waking hour managing tantrums either trying to figure out ways to avoid them or how to calm him down.

I am scared of losing my job or making work feel like I am too weak to not power through all of this. If I suggest parental leave or signed off through stress, I am worried they will value me less as an employee.

I feel you. I'm lucky I'm part-time, but I saw an article by a Canadian writer yesterday about how this situation, for parents, isn't sustainable for the long-term period that we're likely facing.

So don't feel bad. I think everyone has felt like this at some point.
I think employers have largely played a blinder by not having conversations with employees about their home circumstances & difficulties that will create with working. And that employers seem to have same expectations of those with children & those without.

If you feel your MH is suffering see a GP & consider sick for a bit to relieve the pressure?

Sounds very tough OP. Do use Shout a free text service (85258) for support.

Same here. My mental health is shot to pieces atm.

3dc, husband who is still working his long hours. I’m tired and stressed.

Apparently Boris is announcing that he is extending lockdown today, I don’t think I can manage much longer.

Is a nanny a possibility in the short term?

I understand your concerns about your job but I’d suggest it’s better to have a chat with them now before the wheels come off entirely? How long have you worked there?

Sorry @Mummypig2020 that you feel the same way. I'm struggling with two, can't imagine how it is with three.

Thanks sunshine. We don't have a spare room for a live in nanny I'm afraid. I've worked there for 4.5 years, just came back off maternity leave four weeks ago which I don't think has helped my anxiety at all.

I’m sorry OP. It is so, so hard with little ones. It’s not just you who feels like this.