When does mental health supersede coronavirus?

[fourstarsoutoffive]

My young adult dd lives alone in a flat and is still working. She works in a job (non essential) that involves her being pretty much alone all day, just the supervisor pops their head around the door occasionally. Her job can't be done at home.

Anyway, after five weeks she is getting really low. Obviously we do zoom calls and she does the same with her friends, but the lack of real human contact is starting to have a detrimental effect and she wants to book time off and come here for a week.

I'm completely torn. She has no contact with anyone other than a weekly supermarket shop and we are in the same boat as we are working from home. WWYD?

I'd do it in a heartbeat op.

I would have her home. Really if her mental health is suffering then bring her home.

I’m not sure if everyone who is saying ‘get her home’ has appreciated she’d only be staying a week?

Dont care, if she needs that week to reset so to speak, then she needs that time. Its better to give her the week over saying no, then she breaks down and cant cope, resulting in a longer recovery time.

My childs wellbeing comes before minimal risk to random strangers and corona lockdowns - harsh but true

I would let her come home for as long as she wanted or needed to. No question

According to that police guidance of lockdown rules, it’s fine to move households for a few days (as opposed to a few hours just being a social visit). Therefore a week is fine.

My childs wellbeing comes before minimal risk to random strangers and corona lockdowns - harsh but true

Yes, of course, all anyone has done is suggest the OP work out if the two are really in conflict. It sounds to me like she and her dd are capable of doing that.

I've been trying to ask myself what I would ask or expect of other people, given that if we all did a bit of rule bending the whole house of cards collapses. All I would hope about a situation like this is that people try to be responsible..if OP thinks it really is a pivotal action in terms of DD's mental health, then she should probably do it. But if it is just a hard slog getting through lockdown, press on

I think this is brilliant advice

I'd let her come home OP.

Invite her home.

And I would (and have) said the same over the last few weeks.

No I really don’t think that at all. But from personal experience I think there is a difference between needing a weeks holiday to feel a bit happier than a real mental health issue.

I disagree. It’s all too common not to address mental health issues until it becomes a crisis. It’s daft, and frankly rather cruel, to wait until that point. It’s the equivalent of waiting to call for medical attention for Covid until you’re blue and literally can’t say two words.

I feel a bit sorry for the those people who can’t seem to apply any common sense judgment to situations such as this one, and feel compelled to robotically follow rules to the letter.

Do it if your gut is telling you to

There are many things my gut tells me to do but restrain myself from doing because of government / NHS direction

Well these replies are very different from a few weeks ago. I am an adult DD. I live alone in a flat and am temporarily working from home so have even less human contact than the OP's DD. I am incredibly lonely and quite low - I burst into tears at my desk earlier this week when I got an email from work to tell me I can't have a particular perk/form of support that people who are still going into work can get. I am craving a hug and in person contact with someone I love.

I have a difficult relationship with my parents so wouldn't want to visit one of them. Do all of your comments mean you think it would be OK for me to travel by train to go visit my best friend and her family 100 miles away for a week? Or perhaps my boyfriend who currently has his diabetic mum living with him could come and stay with me for a week? Can my friend who is also living alone and working from home go and stay with her sibling 3 or 4 hours drive away for a week? (her parents are deceased) What about my colleague who is in the same situation as me? Can he go and stay with his nearby parents for a week too? None of us are actually young adults, we are in our 40s and 50s and late 20s. But if it's ok for the OP's DD then I guess it's fine for all three of us to do it too?

RichardMarxisinnocent

Any of those people could apply common sense and risk assess their own situations yes. You haven’t mentioned any are suffering with mental health problems so they’re all completely different to what the OP has asked

I’d have her home too. Also, the advice is “public gatherings of no more than 2 people”. As far as I am concerned this means you can meet one friend - maintaining social distancing - for a long walk or whatever. So if she has any friends she can meet maybe that would help a bit?

I would have her hime for the duration. Not just a week.
What about the elderly though? No one seems to be talking about elderly people living isolated and going off their heads. It’s not feasible for elderly people to live like this for months in end. My mother has started drinking. She doesn’t drink normally. She’s very very depressed.

@RichardMarxisinnocent

Do all of your comments mean you think it would be OK for me to travel by train to go visit my best friend and her family 100 miles away for a week?

Yes.

Or perhaps my boyfriend who currently has his diabetic mum living with him could come and stay with me for a week?

Does your boyfriend want to? How does his mum feel about it?

What about my colleague who is in the same situation as me? Can he go and stay with his nearby parents for a week too?

Yes.

Can my friend who is also living alone and working from home go and stay with her sibling 3 or 4 hours drive away for a week? (her parents are deceased)

Yes

This is going on longer than we hoped, people are going to start facing some struggles which need compassion and a nuanced response.

You know your daughter, if you think she needs help then don't worry about what others may think.

We cannot stop living for dying.

I think there is a difference between being unhappy and clinical depression/mental health issues. My 3 year old is very sad about not seeing his grandparents and his preschool friends and he is definitely suffering as a result. But it's not a mental health issue. Most adults living alone will be somewhat unhappy at the moment but similarly not have a mental health issue. Of course some will - my mother has serious mental health issues and could not be alone during lockdown.

Only your daughter really knows whether she actually has a mental health issue or is just unhappy. I get the sense it's the latter but only she can judge

I think some posters on here have shown a lack of understanding about mental health issues, I'm not saying this is the case for OPs daughter but I know that being suicidal doesnt always stop you from being able to work and I know that not every single person going through a mental health crisis is going to present the same so the fact that OPs daughter would only be staying for a week doesnt mean that it isn't 'that bad'.

I'm sorry to be blunt but there would be far more pressure put on the NHS by a person not dealing with their mental health and ending up in hospital - or worse! - than there would be from someone taking the steps they need to give themselves some breathing space and stop getting to that point.

OP you know your daughter, if you believe she needs this then please don't hesitate, MH issues are being ignored far too often atm.

@LittleLeaps

Very well said!

Any of those people could apply common sense and risk assess their own situations yes. You haven’t mentioned any are suffering with mental health problems so they’re all completely different to what the OP has asked

I did say that I am feeling low and had cried over a work email. I have also burst into tears a couple of times this morning. And the OP didn't say her daughter was particularly having mental health problems, she said she was feeling low which is also what I am feeling. My colleague is lonely. My friend is ok at the moment. Yes, we could all make our risk assessments and decide it is low risk to go visit people, but then where do you draw line? What if everyone who is living alone and feeling crap decides to go stay with someone or have someone come stay with them? Then we may as well not bother with a lockdown. That's why I am currently still sticking to the guidelines, because I am aware if all of us living alone decided to bend the rules, it defeats the point of lockdown.

And I do appreciate the point made by PPs about mental health issues being ignored. The rules /guidelines don't take MH into consideration, and I think they should. Not sure how though.

If she wants to, do it. Mental health is important. And as someone else has pointed out, it's actually allowed if you look at the police guidance.

RichardMarxisinnocent

If you are really struggling, yes, I would advocate that you see your friend, or your OH (if he was prepared to see you too)

People must understand, the risk of people committing suicide or doing themselves serious harm due to their mental state, must take precedence over so many things. The risk if you see that one other person who is also isolating is low. Only each person can decide if the risk is worth it, and if it will save them from more serious harm

I hope you feel better soon though. This is all pretty shit now for anyone struggling even a tiny bit with their MH