I let my ds go to school today and now I regret it and I’m panicking

[Dominooreo]

Ds (7) has ongoing mental health issues and school have been checking in over the past five weeks to see how he’s been managing. I have mh issues too which school are aware of so that’s another big factor in why they check in on him. He’s been struggling so they suggested him going in a few days a week to help both our mental healths.

It was a massive decision but I did send him in today because even though my fear of coronavirus is HUGE, my fear of his mental health declining was bigger.

But now I’m frightened that the risk isn’t worth the benefit and I’ve exposed both of us for a not good enough reason. The logical side of me says we could have caught it from food deliveries anyway etc but the other side of me is kicking myself and wants to go pick him up and not let him go again. But he was so happy and excited from the moment he found out he was allowed to go and the symptoms of his mental health issues subsided a lot.

How do I weigh this up? How do you weigh up a 7 year old who wants to die and hurt himself against a virus that could actually kill us?

Or is it pointless worrying how because we’ve been exposed again after five weeks locked in apart from deliveries :(

I think you’ve made the right decision. It sounds like the risk to your sons mental health was greater than the risk of contracting the virus. There’s still a lot of theoreticals with C19 - if he catches it, if there’s a complication etc etc. The threat of him harming himself sounds much more immediate.

It’s only natural to worry though, we’re all being bombarded with all the negatives and risks at the moment.

Is there any way you could address some of your concerns when he returns from school (without alarming him).

For example, getting him to have a bath/shower when he comes back from school, and chucking his school clothes straight into a hot wash?

I'm not meaning to be dismissive but for the vast vast majority of us it will be a very very mild illness. The risk to him is minuscule.

My son has ASD and associated learning difficulties and we have a key worker parent here, and another full time worker. and so he is at school every day and thank goodness as his anxiety was through the roof.

I mean this supportively but try and keep the COVID risk in perspective

I could have written your post except my DH is absolutely against them going to school but two days wi try no noise has done my MH good

Sorry I used the wrong smiley in my post it was mean to be a supportive one

I’m a teacher - we take lots of cautionary measures in school like disinfecting things and we try to ensure that the children don’t cuddle each other too much or hold hands (they are children mind you) and they wash hands after every sneeze/cough.
They also have the most wonderful time learning, playing and chatting. We only have a couple of key worker children, the rest are in for the same reason as your DS.
You have absolutely done the right thing. Risk in school is minimal in small groups and being happy/calm is more important!

My daughters school called to say she could still attend, she has a ehcp but I declined as like you I was just too worried and decided it wasn’t worth the risk, I didn’t want her mixing with key workers kids. It just wasn’t worth it for me.

I think you made the right decision. I'm not dismissing your worries but he sounded so excited and once the school will be doing everything they can to protect him.

I am sorry OP that you are caught in such a situation. I understand your guilt and I understand your fear. You did what you felt was best for him and you. If you feel that it wasn't the right thing to do and it stresses you more, pull him out. If you can make peace with the probability that he might or might not get coronavirus, then keep sending him to school. It's such a difficult situation for you to be in.

I think you have also made the right judgement call. Your son needs the stability, fun and change that school can offer him more than most children right now, and it's absolutely fine, if the teachers are encouraging him in, to send him in. I would continue.

All children will be going back to school at some point, and before a vaccine is my guess. It is a risk but a very small one and he himself is very unlikely to be unwell.

This sounds like a lifeline for both of you, you should take it with both hands, I'm so pleased schools are able to offer this, and it's great that you took it up.

@Nearlyalmost50 fabulous reply 👍

Are there any reports on children or teachers who have continued to attend school throughout lockdown being ill with covid OP? I haven't seen any at all - these children's parents are key workers and I haven't seen anything anywhere saying it's being passed on in schools - try and balance it out and try not to worry.

Tough call but the fact he's happy to go in shows he will benefit. Remember the risk of covid is small.

I dont know it's up to op to weigh it up.
Of the 4k cases yesterday you can look up how many were pillar 2 which is key workers and their family.

Where do you find that info keep it sounds interesting

Positive
pillar 1. 2,685
pillar 2 1,778
Total 4,463

I imagine it's mostly nhs staff still though

Google
Pillar 2 nhs covid
Cant copy whole link on kindle unfortunately

Coronavirus isn't going to hurt your child. One child has died in the uk out of 20000 deaths. He is more likely to come to harm at home due to an accident than by catching coronavirus.

The government and media has a lot to answer for. We aren't keeping our children off school to keep them from catching it - we are keeping them off so they don't spread it to people who will come to harm if they catch it.

Unless the figures have changed since they were last calculated, the risk of dying if you catch COVID-19 is approximately the same as your risk would be of dying in the next year. So if that wasn’t something you were terrified about then you probably shouldn’t be terrified about this either. Obviously it is a genuine risk, so you shouldn’t expose yourself unnecessarily or send your child into school without good reason, but this seems like a very good reason.

I agree to have a very good reason to be sending your son to school at the moment. I think the benefits far, far away the risk to either of you. I hope you manage to feel more relaxed about it when a few days have passed and it becomes the new routine.

Why are you so worried about catching it? Do you have underlying health conditions?

Well done OP for making the correct decision for your son .
It can’t hsve been easy but you have rightly made the call that you must support him and his mental health challenges .
He will clearly be better off in himself if he was so happy to go .
Please try not to worry too much and take care of yourself .

Thank you for all the replies! You’ve made me feel much better about my choice to send him. I’m having another wobble as he’s due in again tomorrow and I’ve made the mistake of reading some of the threads on here and I’m petrified of catching it. I’m overweight and very unfit so feel like if I got it, I could seriously struggle. That’s why I worry so much sending him in I think. But then my logical side says we could stay in and only ever get shopping delivered and still get it anyway plus his mental health would have been damaged too. I don’t know... it’s so hard isn’t it!

I'm overweight and similar threads have scared me! But even so the risk is still small that we would get really ill from this. I've found stepping back from social media really helps (not being patronising but it just fuels my anxiety)

Your logical side let him go in today because it could see that the huge boost it would give his mental health was something he really needed. Would it be helpful to write down some of the positives about today and about your decision as back up for your logical side in the morning?