When do you realistically think we'll be allowed to visit our parents in care homes?

[tactum]

Mum, 86, dementia in care home for 3 yrs. Multiple deaths in home, few more pending I believe.

We've rung her a few times but it hasn't gone well - phone convos didn't before all this - she knows she's stuck in there without any visitors, knows who we are when she hears our voices and asks why we've left her there on her own. So that's not a positive experience for her and leaves her more distressed than if we hadn't bothered. So probably won't do it much more - us hearing her voice and telling her we love her for our benefit isn't as important as her not feeling upset.

We're keeping her and the care home supplied with cake and chocolate.

But honestly, when do you thin I'll get to spend time with my Mum - assuming she doesn't succumb - just so scared it'll be months and months and she won't know me by then. Have I said goodbye to my lovely Mum?

Anyone?

My grandmother is in a care home and the worry is horrendous. I have had the same thoughts as it sounds like you have and can offer little in the way of comfort, because I just don’t know what will happen. My mum is able to have face time calls with my gm and these go better than voice calls. But, she is nearly non verbal, so that maybe why. As far as we know there are no cases at the home, but I don’t know if they have to tell you if there is or if they can decide to share that information?

It’s a really awful situation to have a relative in a care home and we have to keep reminding ourselves that they are there becasue it is the best place to keep her safe and the staff will be doing all they can to keep her safe.

If the calls don’t help your mum, it might be best to stop them for now and keep in touch with staff members to check how she is rather than upsetting her.

My DS is in a residential children's home due to his disability. We usually see him at least once a week... it's been over 3 weeks now and we are hoping to see him on the weekend after the end of the next review period but who knows. He doesn't understand what is going on and why we can't see him. It's breaking our hearts.

I waiting too OP. My mum going to be 60 in June and was already on lockdown so could not visit Mother's Day. Not seen her since mid March. I hate it. I know they keeping her safe though and I call her everyday, but I normally there at least 4-5 days a week visiting and 10+ hours at weekends. They my family there I miss everyone and I have to explain to mum we all the same and not allowed out to visit. I get really upset sometimes.

My dad hates his care home and wants to go home! ( he can't the council has it back now!)
He has vascular dementia and been in it for year and half. Hard decision to put him in it but had run out of options after 10 years!
It's a nice place and so far infection free but it's hard to know if they would tell us or not if they did? He isn't good with FaceTime or Skype and just gets upset : he often isn't sure who I am at the best of times!
Haven't seen him since 12 th March!
It's tough. His 98 and confused and was ill over Christmas when they had a mini lockdown because of illness. Been a rubbish year so far.

Anyone had any dealings with care homes?
Had any news from them?
Ours put out a letter ages ago , then silence.
You can ring them , but I don't like hassling them too much.

The80sweregreat, call them but avoid mornings which tend to be busiest with medication rounds and personal care being done. And avoid mealtimes.

I Will tomorrow. I hate being a pest.
I've tried email , but they don't reply to them.

Mum's home have been brilliant to be honest. Very open and reassuring, we can call whenever we like and they were sending out lots of photos of what activities they were doing before the virus got into the home. Now they're keeping them in their rooms as far as possible, so the pace of information has slowed a bit.

The care home should be offering phone calls and video calls. Where possible, window visits are also allowed under the current rules. Not all do though as they need staff to facilitate such things.
Ring/email and ask.

Sadly, I don't think it's going to be for a good while yet, they're just so vulnerable & keeping the home free if it is SO important.

I just can't see any way of it being able to be done at least until tests (for visitors) are quick to do/instant results, available & cheap and that's going to take time 😢

It's so difficult & sad, but unless people can care for them at home, I just don't see what the alternatives are 😢

Sorry, OP.
I've always thought 'fine' about me going into a nursing home one day, I will go willingly when the time comes... but the idea of being isolated from people I love is infuriating. Suddenly I feel horrible about the idea.

I just don't think anyone knows sadly. I'm sorry you're in this dreadful position.

Realistically I think it's unlikely to be this year OP.

I'm so sorry for all your situations. I have two siblings with learning disabilities in care homes, but only get to visit them about once every two months normally, so this feels OK at the moment.

I wonder if any care homes / companies are thinking about innovative ways (probably using technology) that actually help people with impaired cognitive function to communicate long distance? I'd look on websites for CQC, maybe even better would be age uk, dementia charities, Mencap etc, bet they have some ideas. Or try their phonelines.

It may be clutching at straws but it's kind of all there is at the moment.

to you all.

A year would be so hard for me.
My dads home is virus free and so am I so i should be allowed to see him really but I know I can't :( it's not on but nobodies fault.
Bit down today.

OP It might be worth writing to Harriet Harman, as head of the Joint Committee on Human Rights.

Human rights have gone out the window loads with lockdown and not just in carehomes.

I work in a care home that has a covid+ outbreak. What I would like to see is that a select number of visitors be permitted to visit their relatives but they must be aware they are entering a covid+ zone and sign a form saying they agree to these risks and not take any legal action should they contract anything. They must bring and wear their own masks, wash hands before entering and when leaving, and must remain in their relatives' rooms. They must also maintain a social distance from staff and if they wish to discuss their relative, they do so by phone. Where possible, they enter and exit through out of the way 'backdoors.'

Keeping families separated from their loved ones is not fair, right nor sustainable especially as most (of the residents) are in their last months/years of their lives.

I take animals into care homes for pet therapy, I don’t expect to be allowed in again until a vaccine is widely administered, so more like 18 months though I really hope arrangements are made for close family long before that.

I will call my dads care home next week to try and see what they suggest. If restrictions are lifted for other people then it must be for care home relatives? The post below is good and common sense. Let's hope they can do something like this?

If restrictions are lifted for other people then it must be for care home relatives?

Not necessarily. Because 1) all the residents are extremely vulnerable to covid and, as such are high risk, and 2) care homes, as we are seeing, are, or can become, highly concentrated covid outbreak zones.

But, we need to figure out and balance what's best for the individual resident and residents on the whole and I don't mean just physically.

I just feel so sad. I worry about how she feels {sad} it's not about me. She's my mum, she spent 25 + years bringing up 3 wonderful kids with my great dad and now it's all reduced to this pile of shite. How the fuck does that make sense??