Anyone else in this situation? Funeral

[Sunnyjac]

Hi all, looking for some support and thoughts on my situation. My Dad died earlier this month, not from the virus but a fall that broke his neck (sounds dramatic but he slipped peacefully away in hospital). I live a 2 1/2 drive plus 1 hour ferry ride away so have not seen my Mum in person since this happened. My sister lives about a 40 minute drive from Mum and has visited a few times (breaking the rules but that’s another thread). Dad’s funeral is due to take place in just under two weeks, close of course to Mum.

I’m trying to work out what to do. I want to stay with Mum of course. I keep looking at all the rules and guidance. As his daughter I am allowed to go to the funeral. Does a journey of the one I have described count as essential? I can’t really stay with Mum can I? Hotels are all closed so I will have to do the journey in one day, there and back.

My husband will have to stay home to look after our three girls. I will have to do all the driving. He’s having to go to school this coming week, I’m having to go to my workplace on the days he’s not working (prison, no cases at the moment). So we will both potentially be carrying infection.

I don’t really know what I’m asking. Is anyone else struggling with the dilemma of wanting to stay with family for a funeral but thinking they shouldn’t?

I put myself in ur situation, and for how strong my relationship is to my parents, i couldnt not attend my dad's funeral, nor leave my mum alone.
to me this is an essential journey because it will have a serious impact on my mental health.

Im really sorry for ur loss.

Personally, I would go and stay with my mum.

You should go. If you're worried about staying at your mum's house, does she have a garden? Could you throw a tent in the back of the car so you could be with your mum but only minimally in her house (to use bathroom etc?)

Sorry for your loss No personal experience of this situation but my parents neighbour is facing similar and we had a discussion about it.

Personally I think this is an essential journey. You could be asymptomatic, and so could anyone in the supermarket your mum meets or it be transmitted via packaging etc. It's a risk but that's life and maybe your mum needs you more than ever.

Take care of yourself whatever you decide.

Yes go and stay with your mum. It is essential and it's something you may regret if you don't get to say goodbye. I'm sorry for your loss op

Yes we are in this same position. Two family members driving there and back same day, 2 hours each way. One driving 5 hours and looking to stay nearby (has been out shopping and at work so didn’t want to risk my mum).

A local hotel posted they would take visitors attending funerals with no charge but no food available and you must stay in the room. Another local self catering is shown as taking bookings if essential on their website. You can also search Airbnb without putting a date in for entire place and then try contacting the host directly. Attending a family funeral is now allowed for close family but you need to ensure the place you pick is going to be safe for you. A local host may be prepared to accept your booking if you contact them to explain.

If you have been isolated for 2 weeks and happy to accept the risk from your mum, who has probably come into contact with others such as paramedics etc, and she is happy to accept whatever risk you may pose her, then stay with her. I would plan on staying a bit more than one day to ensure she is eating and coping with the admin and other necessary as well as emotionally. We had to do this for my mum but are now trying to distance a bit again for her safety. May all go to pot on the day of the funeral though.

Will you be able to stay socially distant with her if she becomes distressed at the funeral? Unlikely for me, so if you feel the same that probably means staying with her is the better option. So sorry for your loss.

Yes you can go to the funeral as his daughter, you do what you think is right for you and your mum and sister. In terms of funeral 'rules' an old school friend's husband died last month (of Covid) and they had 15 people attend the funeral who came from far and wide, all immediate family a two close family friends/neighbours but more than half of the family lived a few hours away. Social distancing applied at the funeral service and it's that element which largely determines how many people can attend, the venue has to be large enough to allow the number of mourners and staff to apply safe social distancing. I'm sorry you're going through this OP, it's hard enough without so many other things to take into consideration.

So sorry for your loss. Personally I'd go and stay with your Mum. I think this is one occasion where I'd be ignoring the rules and doing what was best for me. I can't imagine you'll feel like the journey home the same day

Thank you all for your kind replies. I spoke to Mum earlier, she understands the dilemma but pointed out what some of you said that I am unlikely to be in a fit state to drive after. She presented it as a choice between two risks, risk of taking corona to her versus the risk of me crashing. She thinks the crashing is the higher risk. I will sleep on it. Stay safe everyone x