Boyfriend making me feel guilty for not seeing him

[olivenfeta]

A little bit of background me and my boyfriend are both 23, been together for almost 9 years but both live with our parents. Since isolation started we have obviously not seen each other and I won't be seeing him now until it's over.

He keeps making comments like "I can't believe your actually not seeing me" and just keeps moaning about the situation as if I'm being unreasonable for not seeing him. I've told him the guidelines are in place for a reason and I am definitely not breaking them.

It's driving me mad that he keeps trying to make me feel bad for not seeing him, I don't think he bloody understands how serious this is! I don't really know why I made this thread just to vent really, and to ask what would you do or say in my situation? There's just no getting to him.

Tell him to grow up. Seriously, he sounds like a whinging child.

@Connie222 thank you!! He really does, it's as if he just doesn't care about the seriousness of it all I've told him it's a pandemic for gods sake it's not as if I just can't be bothered to see him we don't have a choice

My friend literally had the same situation as you, except her bf started giving her the cold shoulder as a response to his sulking over not getting his way. The thing I told her which I think would help you is that he needs to realise this whole situation is bigger than your relationship and stop being so selfish. Everyone is missing someone, this is hard on everyone. He cannot take it so personal when it's completely out of your control. He needs to get over himself and instead of adding pressure onto you, you both should be there for each other during such a difficult time. It is very immature behaviour and you should make him understand how his reaction to missing you isnt helping you. Dont let this turn into a bigger thing than it needs to be. Enjoy the fact that you can use technology to see each other. As frustrating as this is you can both find comfort in the fact that it's not forever. In the meantime dont feel obliged to risk your health or others because your boyfriend cant get over his own needs. Hope you guys can work things out

Honestly I’d tell him it’s quite an off putting trait. There are loads of people in your position. Yes it’s shit but it’s just the way things have to be at the moment and he has to realise that.

Ask him if he's happy for you to die. That should shut him up because he can only say yes or no and if he says yes it makes him look like a shit.

@Dee96 thanks for the comment, you speak some wise words your friend is lucky to have someone like you to give advice to her. I completely agree, it's very selfish that he is trying to make me feel guilty about something that is out of our control, even tho it's crap that we can't see each other there are people dying and losing loved ones so it's really not an issue in the grand scheme of things. It's so frustrating because he keeps moaning every day to me about it as if I'm going to change my mind!

@Connie222 yes I completely agree, the worst part is he doesn't care if I agreed to see him now he would happily risk it which is shocking

@madcatladyforever that's what I'll say to him next time he brings it up! I know he'll tell me I'm being dramatic (even though I'm not)

If I was you I would just make him aware that you find his moan ring very off putting, and pointless as it's not going to change the current situation. Maybe he'll realise he doesnt want to push you away, infact he wants quite the opposite so he needs to change up his ways of approaching this. Hes entitled to feel the way he does. Lockdown has been hard on all of us, I miss my mum extremely and others miss their families/partners. But it doesnt excuse his childish behaviour. Hopefully If you express all this to him he would consider your feelings and stop, otherwise it's up to you how long you can cope with moaning but like I said dont feel manipulated by his pleas to do anything you dont want to.

He probably wants sexual intercourse.

@Dee96 yes that's what I'll do. It's weird because he goes through stages, he's fine for a while but then goes through a stage of being frustrated which I completely understand but there is nothing that we can do about it so he needs to just accept it. Like you said, it won't be forever

Tell him to have a wank. That's about his level of engagement with the world around him.

OP I think you've had some good advice already but if you want another tack....

You're both young and whilst it's tough you have many years to "make up" for not seeing each other now.

In WW2 my GM said goodbye to her husband (my GF) who ended up despatched to Burma and they were apart for 5 years.

When the war ended, he and his company had to walk 2000 miles to get the boat home and that took another 5 months.

Today, we have families who can't see elderly loved ones. Families with parents who have dementia and worry they won't even recognise them when they are allowed to visit.

There are those with loved ones desperately poorly and they can't comfort them.

They can't make this time back up - because unlike you/him they don't have "time".

We have families with newborns that their families can't see/support. Instead of that precious cuddle/photo grandparents are making do with online connection and seeing their grandchildren grow over FaceTime.

Is tough, but frankly in the grand scheme of a life (when you're in the prime of it) it's nothing.

A few weeks/months of loss is nothing and as my grandparents found out it solidified their relationship and they never parted again until my GF died after 60 years of marriage.

Other people's sacrifice is much greater - they may never see some people ever again.

If that doesn't convince him, then maybe I'll cite my GM again when I asked her about the best moment in her life when a bit tiddly on the whiskey and she said it was the first night she spent with GF after the war and it was "most pleasurable and satisfying" with a wry wink

Not very bright, is he?
I'd feel bloody fed up with him too